Despite the fact that Love is the most rampant phenomenon we as humans have experienced since the beginning of time, understanding it as a subject or better still as a concept is at a bare minimum. Ask around what the meaning of Love is and you’ll get responses that range from fickle to shallow to absurd. This makes one to wonder if people really understand what Love means. From an academic/religious view point, Love has been broken into different categories based on the definition of the situation (relationship between the personalities) surrounding the use of the word. My definition of Love, which I’ll state below, encompasses whatever situation one might apply the word to. For me, “Love is a positive feeling, an affinity towards something or someone, which goes out of you to the person without the expectation that it would be reciprocated (You don’t expect that shoe you love to love you back do you? Do you as a mother expect your infant child to love you in return as a criterion for loving it?). You give it because it makes you feel healthy and strong. Take note that the scary, crazy, vulnerable feeling most people attribute to Love really is not. It’s just the need to be loved.
For the purpose of this article, I’ll be examining the type of Love that exists between man and woman. Being the avid romantic that I am, I hope reading this article when posted, will help somebody somewhere Love and be loved better. The issues which will be addressed are the prevalent problems that have given people a wrong perception of Love. As a result of the fact that there is no authority on the subject of Love, real life experiences will be sighted as instances and hopefully you’ll comment wherever you disagree after reading. That said, let’s examine 2 situations that usually lead to the breaking up of a Love relationship and the resulting question that’s common to most break-ups; Why?
CHEATING
Next to falling in Love, cheating is the most frequent occurrence of modern day. You find both sexes pointing an accusing finger at the other without taking into consideration the role they’ve both played in the creation of this vicious cycle. The origin of cheating and the resolve to cheat can be traced back to the first sour experience an individual has with rejection or as the case maybe, Love-gone-wrong. Two things I’ll try to do whilst addressing this subject are; avoid generalization and make my theories sexually neutral (neither male nor female).
As stated above, one of the reasons why people cheat is the rejection or being taken for granted which they experienced after professing their love for another. They are scarred by this experience and though they recover, they never get over it and so they vow never to end up in such a situation again. So they cheat to assure themselves that they are on top of the situation and in the cases where one wonder why the partner cheated with someone below their standards, it’s because they(the partner) feel safer and reckon they can’t get hurt by so doing. Despite this, they still get hurt, sometimes.
Selfishness is another reason why people cheat. You have a good thing going with your partner but by circumstances of your own design or not as the case may be, you find yourself in a compromising situation and despite the better judgment of your mind, you decide to go ahead with the rendezvous because you felt like it in that moment without considering how this would make your partner feel if they knew about it. Every other reason why people cheat is somewhat related to selfishness however you choose to look at. For instance, you cheat with someone that’s more financially endowed than your partner is for what reason? To send your partner the cheque? I seriously doubt it. If only we can look beyond ourselves and neediness, and for a minute consider the other, we will be able to resist the urge to, regardless of how great the temptation is.
As a result of these experiences, stereotyping sets in without exclusion of the percentage few that are actually getting it right. This is done whilst forgetting the role either gender has played in the creation of this vicious cycle.
LACK OF FULFILMENT
The other reason why relationships go wrong is a lack of fulfillment. A typical notion that causes lack of fulfillment is the belief that one’s partner should be responsible for one’s happiness. This is a wrong notion because the only person that should be responsible for making you happy is you yourself. Another factor that causes a lack of fulfillment is the expectation that your partner will always meet your needs. This also is impossible because a relationship consists of 2 people who are constantly evolving by the minute.
However, the partner might want to meet the needs and still not know how to. Rather than teach them how to, selfishness rears its ugly head again and you decide to seek greener pastures forgetting how green where you are can be if you can put in work. All this because you are so into yourself and think you are fantastic when in reality, you are not. No one is. This phenomenon can either lead to cheating or outright dissolution of the relationship depending on the whole circumstance.
These reasons above are the basis for some myths which are prevalent and have further contorted the perception people have about Love. Some of these myths have been mentioned because of how they have affected the way people approach the subject of Love.
Assuming all of the above have played out and the relationship is at a point of no repair, both partners part ways. It has been said that if you were in a relationship with a lady for 1 year and she breaks it off, she spent the last 3 months of the relationship preparing herself for the break up. On the other hand, it is believed that men break up first and try to get over the relationship after.
There’s this myth about women wanting what they can’t have. This probably is the origin of other myths like women don’t want to be treated nice, and she always wants the guy that doesn’t give her attention. Are we saying a woman can’t have a guy treat her nice, give her attention and still love her? Then there’s the one about people not wanting to live in reality and as such would rather not be told the truth. In that case it’s okay to lie right?
What these myths have done is to subtly influence how both sexes approach the subject of love. So you find a lady unwilling to let go of a cheating partner who apparently doesn’t have any feeling for her. And whilst she’s holding on rationalizing, she passes off all the other good guys that might love and treat her better. The guys on the other hand treat their women ill because of the myth that states that putting a woman on a pedestal will only make her take him for granted. He cheats with other women because of the myth that suggests that a lady seeing you with other women makes her want you more.
Having said all that, what do you think her unwillingness to let go, tells a cheating partner about these myths? Think about all the guys that know of her situation with the cheating partner, who have shown their genuine interest and affection towards her and have been taken for granted. What will they think of these myths? Can someone tell these people that Love is not a game and as such can’t be played by rules? Somebody said that ‘ambivalence is a powerful aphrodisiac’, I looked at the person and felt sorry for them.
Everyone deserves to Love and be loved. 1John4vs8 states that “He (and she) who does not Love does not know God for God is Love”. So I’ll end this with the subject of marriage. That bible verse, which is the most succinct verse about Love in the oldest book known to man, does not mention marriage once. If people have married for wrong reasons such as money, fame or because of loneliness and boredom, then marriage is not representative of Love. Let’s not put ourselves under the pressure of time and become insecure in the process. Let us take time to nurture our Love.
This piece is inspired by all the beautiful souls on the quest to find true love (I am one of them).
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
REFLECTIONS
Where do I go from here? Today was a good day. She (a client) uncharacteristically paid me a compliment to my face saying I’m actually good at my job. That felt good but not as good as Forbes coming to do the interview. My boss was pissed that I didn’t come to see him as I was supposed to. Don’t know why he’s mad when I’ve been busy slaving for the firm. After all he’s going to be the one to cash the cheque which the client will issue for our retainer. That didn’t get me pissed though, goes to show I’m a valuable asset.
So I’m back in my room at home relaxing, reflecting on the day, and assessing where I am with my career and existence. I feel restless for no particular reason. It’s not even about the feeling I’ve been having lately neither is it about anything that’s been happening lately. I can’t even figure out what it is but I just feel like I’m been sucked up by this gloom that’s spreading around me like mist at dawn.
I turn on my media player but none of the usual numbers is doing it for me. I flick through the Hip Hop, RnB and then Pop catalogues but I’m not feeling anything. I finally settle for Bilal’s ‘Air Tights Revenge’, an unusual choice. Maybe I’ll write it off, and that I’m trying to do right now.
It’s not depression because I’m not sad. It feels more like anxiety, remember I said restless earlier. I’m just aching for some action. Maybe if I work tirelessly and relentlessly I’ll be able to recover for those years I wasted on frivolities. Thank God I got this job. I always knew I have the potential; I never just got the opportunity to put it to use. Maybe because I didn’t try enough back then or probably because I didn’t see the urgency.
Well now I’ve got the opportunity and I intend doing more than enough to ensure I get the renown and pay that’s commensurate with my skill and potentials. I just want to be successful but what’s success without financial security?
This is my path to redemption and I intend getting there. So many things I know but wish I can un-know. I have no regrets for how I’ve lived so far, rather I have learnt from my mistakes. Jarnli says I’m so smart for my age. What she doesn’t realize is that you don’t make as much mistakes as I have and not take something from all of those mistakes.
Undoing knowing the no-do- good people is the easiest part. I’m not even about to lower my defenses for the sake of validation and acceptance. At the end of the day, regardless of how many cool guys I have hanging around me; I’m still alone by myself. That’s not a new realization anyway, I’ve always known this since boarding school.
This journey of mine through life thus far has been one hell of a ride. So many ups and downs that life has turned out to be all the things they never taught one in class or in the books. I’ve come to realize that you play by the books to your own detriment. Oh! And those that always seem to have it figured out when it’s the subject of living a successful life, you have to avoid them. They do you more harm than good because usually what they tell you about life is not what they’ve tried and proved but what someone else did and succeeded with. If life was straight cut as they make it to be, might as well just teach how to apply and replicate the template in school.
After saying this much, one thing is sure and certain about life and that is this; nothing in life is sure and certain.
So I’m back in my room at home relaxing, reflecting on the day, and assessing where I am with my career and existence. I feel restless for no particular reason. It’s not even about the feeling I’ve been having lately neither is it about anything that’s been happening lately. I can’t even figure out what it is but I just feel like I’m been sucked up by this gloom that’s spreading around me like mist at dawn.
I turn on my media player but none of the usual numbers is doing it for me. I flick through the Hip Hop, RnB and then Pop catalogues but I’m not feeling anything. I finally settle for Bilal’s ‘Air Tights Revenge’, an unusual choice. Maybe I’ll write it off, and that I’m trying to do right now.
It’s not depression because I’m not sad. It feels more like anxiety, remember I said restless earlier. I’m just aching for some action. Maybe if I work tirelessly and relentlessly I’ll be able to recover for those years I wasted on frivolities. Thank God I got this job. I always knew I have the potential; I never just got the opportunity to put it to use. Maybe because I didn’t try enough back then or probably because I didn’t see the urgency.
Well now I’ve got the opportunity and I intend doing more than enough to ensure I get the renown and pay that’s commensurate with my skill and potentials. I just want to be successful but what’s success without financial security?
This is my path to redemption and I intend getting there. So many things I know but wish I can un-know. I have no regrets for how I’ve lived so far, rather I have learnt from my mistakes. Jarnli says I’m so smart for my age. What she doesn’t realize is that you don’t make as much mistakes as I have and not take something from all of those mistakes.
Undoing knowing the no-do- good people is the easiest part. I’m not even about to lower my defenses for the sake of validation and acceptance. At the end of the day, regardless of how many cool guys I have hanging around me; I’m still alone by myself. That’s not a new realization anyway, I’ve always known this since boarding school.
This journey of mine through life thus far has been one hell of a ride. So many ups and downs that life has turned out to be all the things they never taught one in class or in the books. I’ve come to realize that you play by the books to your own detriment. Oh! And those that always seem to have it figured out when it’s the subject of living a successful life, you have to avoid them. They do you more harm than good because usually what they tell you about life is not what they’ve tried and proved but what someone else did and succeeded with. If life was straight cut as they make it to be, might as well just teach how to apply and replicate the template in school.
After saying this much, one thing is sure and certain about life and that is this; nothing in life is sure and certain.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
NO! Love
I remember that night like it’s happening right now.
I’m at the store picking up something for dinner. I’m pretty excited at the prospect of us getting to do it after five days at her place and still ‘no action’. Well it’s not like there hasn’t been any action, it’s just that we never get past second base. The night before was the closest I got to nuggies, she wouldn’t let me to though as soon as I got my hand inside her panties, the kissing got more passionate and she moaned and writhed with pleasure. The moment I tried to mount, she lost whatever pleasure she was feeling and pushed me off. This left me disappointed.
Whilst lying down in the living room that night before, (she insisted on us sleeping in separate rooms ever since I got there) my conversation with Seun replayed in my mind. I had brought up the subjects of her blocking my moves and our sleeping arrangement the last time I met up with my friend Seun, who I believe has more experience when it comes to dealing with women. Something he said kept replaying in my mind as I lay on the couch. According to him, “Women in general love the dance……sometimes they want to test how long you can withstand the game. Besides, their ‘no’ usually means ‘yes’ but only a man with balls can discern this fact.”
Anyway, today is a new day and I’ve got a feeling tonight’s going to be a good night, so I thought that night. I have a plan to charm her with my thoughtfulness and sensitivity so I’m going to have dinner ready before she gets back from work. She probably might be saving the best for last, too, because she knows I’m leaving tomorrow. I mean, before last night, I didn’t go past second base and the first night I was here, she only let me kiss with strict instruction that should I fondle with any part of her body, I wouldn’t get anymore action. I’m making pasta and tuna sauce with extra spice. We’ll have this with the bottle of red wine and bucket of KFC I bought. I hope this proves to her that I’m paying attention and am willing to go all the way. So my thoughts were that night.
At a quarter past seven, dinner was finally ready. Guessing she’d be home very soon, I went ahead and set the table. Isn’t this romantic? What woman could resist this sort of treatment from the man she loves and whom she knows loves her without a doubt? I kept enthusing.
The night’s dinner was a romantic affair as we touched on the basis of our love all over again. Then came the night’s final agenda. We were on the couch, both barely clothed, watching TV when I made my move. I sleep in my boxer shorts so I had just that on and she had on a big tee shirt and her panties. We began making out and at some point I had her pinned to the couch. Despite her objection, I slid her panties to the side and released my manhood. Sensing what my intent was, she struggled frantically but her resistance couldn’t contend with my strength. Finally I penetrated and had my way. After the 3 minutes of craziness, the magnitude and implication of what I did finally dawned on me.
I lost her love and the comfort of her home that night because she threw me out.
Initially I thought she was just posturing by acting like I had really hurt and violated her but when I kept calling, trying to get across to her and she just kept blocking my moves and avoiding contact with me, I started realizing something. It’s true that there are some girls (some might call them teases) out there who will lead you on and send twisted messages across that will leave you wondering if they mean yes or no. What you don’t want to do is let it slip with the girl you ought to be with because you can’t discern the game type from the keep type.
She has since forgiven me but I’ve still never been able to get anywhere close to her. Some five years later I gave her a call during the yuletide holiday to wish her a happy new year in advance. At some point during the conversation, I said something like ‘I still love you and I want us to cultivate a relationship that can lead to the altar’. It was like an invitation for a predator to attack because she unleashed some venomous words on me. She reminded me of how I took advantage of her that fateful day and even questioned the guts I had to talk to her about love. This was five years after. Wow! She really must have meant that “NO!”
Date rape is a constant occurrence in every day Nigeria. The victims include young ladies and even house wives. These people never come forward to report the incidences because of the stigma attached to such occurrences. The society on its part condones such behaviors as the few cases that have been reported have been resolved with the perpetrators getting away with light punishments and in most cases they’ve been able to go unpunished. The punishment attached to this crime in the constitution is either not severe or the interpretation of the law is convoluted.
Date rape is a form of rape where the perpetrators and the victims are people that are familiar with themselves, usually they are lovers, friends, and in some cases married couples.
This piece is inspired by the sufferings of those that have had to endure the pain of being victims. Please speak out!!!
I’m at the store picking up something for dinner. I’m pretty excited at the prospect of us getting to do it after five days at her place and still ‘no action’. Well it’s not like there hasn’t been any action, it’s just that we never get past second base. The night before was the closest I got to nuggies, she wouldn’t let me to though as soon as I got my hand inside her panties, the kissing got more passionate and she moaned and writhed with pleasure. The moment I tried to mount, she lost whatever pleasure she was feeling and pushed me off. This left me disappointed.
Whilst lying down in the living room that night before, (she insisted on us sleeping in separate rooms ever since I got there) my conversation with Seun replayed in my mind. I had brought up the subjects of her blocking my moves and our sleeping arrangement the last time I met up with my friend Seun, who I believe has more experience when it comes to dealing with women. Something he said kept replaying in my mind as I lay on the couch. According to him, “Women in general love the dance……sometimes they want to test how long you can withstand the game. Besides, their ‘no’ usually means ‘yes’ but only a man with balls can discern this fact.”
Anyway, today is a new day and I’ve got a feeling tonight’s going to be a good night, so I thought that night. I have a plan to charm her with my thoughtfulness and sensitivity so I’m going to have dinner ready before she gets back from work. She probably might be saving the best for last, too, because she knows I’m leaving tomorrow. I mean, before last night, I didn’t go past second base and the first night I was here, she only let me kiss with strict instruction that should I fondle with any part of her body, I wouldn’t get anymore action. I’m making pasta and tuna sauce with extra spice. We’ll have this with the bottle of red wine and bucket of KFC I bought. I hope this proves to her that I’m paying attention and am willing to go all the way. So my thoughts were that night.
At a quarter past seven, dinner was finally ready. Guessing she’d be home very soon, I went ahead and set the table. Isn’t this romantic? What woman could resist this sort of treatment from the man she loves and whom she knows loves her without a doubt? I kept enthusing.
The night’s dinner was a romantic affair as we touched on the basis of our love all over again. Then came the night’s final agenda. We were on the couch, both barely clothed, watching TV when I made my move. I sleep in my boxer shorts so I had just that on and she had on a big tee shirt and her panties. We began making out and at some point I had her pinned to the couch. Despite her objection, I slid her panties to the side and released my manhood. Sensing what my intent was, she struggled frantically but her resistance couldn’t contend with my strength. Finally I penetrated and had my way. After the 3 minutes of craziness, the magnitude and implication of what I did finally dawned on me.
I lost her love and the comfort of her home that night because she threw me out.
Initially I thought she was just posturing by acting like I had really hurt and violated her but when I kept calling, trying to get across to her and she just kept blocking my moves and avoiding contact with me, I started realizing something. It’s true that there are some girls (some might call them teases) out there who will lead you on and send twisted messages across that will leave you wondering if they mean yes or no. What you don’t want to do is let it slip with the girl you ought to be with because you can’t discern the game type from the keep type.
She has since forgiven me but I’ve still never been able to get anywhere close to her. Some five years later I gave her a call during the yuletide holiday to wish her a happy new year in advance. At some point during the conversation, I said something like ‘I still love you and I want us to cultivate a relationship that can lead to the altar’. It was like an invitation for a predator to attack because she unleashed some venomous words on me. She reminded me of how I took advantage of her that fateful day and even questioned the guts I had to talk to her about love. This was five years after. Wow! She really must have meant that “NO!”
Date rape is a constant occurrence in every day Nigeria. The victims include young ladies and even house wives. These people never come forward to report the incidences because of the stigma attached to such occurrences. The society on its part condones such behaviors as the few cases that have been reported have been resolved with the perpetrators getting away with light punishments and in most cases they’ve been able to go unpunished. The punishment attached to this crime in the constitution is either not severe or the interpretation of the law is convoluted.
Date rape is a form of rape where the perpetrators and the victims are people that are familiar with themselves, usually they are lovers, friends, and in some cases married couples.
This piece is inspired by the sufferings of those that have had to endure the pain of being victims. Please speak out!!!
Monday, May 21, 2012
KEEP ON PUSHING!
The other day I was in a petty conversation with my neighbor (we do that often) when his countenance suddenly changed. He proceeded to ask me a question that seemed funny when it came out of his mouth. He asked, ‘Damy I go fit ever get fifty million naira of my own money? As in make I get fifty million for bank?’ He was looking at me in anticipation of a response so I paused for a few seconds to ponder what he just said. Being the dreamer that I am, I always try to motivate people around me regardless of the odds. Despite the fact that I know in summary what the economic landscape would look like for someone in his position, I responded in the affirmative and proceeded to point out the possibilities of that happening. My response was void of logic cause in reality the economics of his situation makes it almost unlikely that he ever will. Why you might ask. Let’s examine his scenario to find out.
This neighbor of mine is married with three kids. He is a plumber by profession and despite this he has his own car and his own house. He is sub 35 age wise, and he is barely educated. I doubt that he even has a schooling leaving certificate. Now his plumbing business to the best of my knowledge is a one man business. However he has about 3 or 4 employees in the form of apprentices who get paid stipends and who don’t have much experience in the field of endeavor. His clientele consists of mostly projects for residential buildings and repairs in some cases. Now let’s assume that once in a while he gets an office project, school project or a project other than residential. Bear in mind that he has no alternative source of income.
Since I really don’t know what his finance is like, let’s assume that his take home at the end of a regular month is 150 thousand naira after the running costs of the business has been deducted. Assuming also that after spending on the upkeep for his household he gets to save 20% of whatever he makes every month, how much will he have at the end of his life? Before you respond to that question, let’s factor in all the variables. He definitely won’t meet that number income-wise every month, some months he might make more and other months he might make less. The expenses for upkeep will never remain constant as it will always get higher as his kids grow older and there will always arise some unforeseen circumstance that will require extra spending. Ok. So how much will he have saved up when he is say 70 years?
A lot of us have a habit of analyzing our lives and everything that’s happening around us rather than getting on with living. If one is to dwell on the circumstances they find themselves in all the time, I doubt that there’ll ever be successful people talk less of achievers. Ask anyone who can be said to be successful if they ever knew they were going to be successful and when they foresaw it happening and hear what their responses would be. Some of them will respond that they didn’t see it happening, others that are confident in their ability like M.I Abaga will tell you that they knew it was going to happen, them being successful that is. One thing that’ll be constant with the responses you’ll get if you really go out to ask these people is this; no one amongst everyone you ask knew the very moment their breakthrough would come.
That said, shall we cease to live and exist cause the eventuality of our present circumstance is looking unlikely when compared to our desired end?
The decision to address this subject in the form of a blog article came to me whilst watching the celebration of Chelsea FC’s triumph in the champions league (take note that I’m an Arsenal FC fan) the moment particularly was when Roberto Di Matteo was leading the players up the podium to receive their winners’ medals. Freeze that frame right there!
Now Di Matteo is Chelsea’s caretaker coach, the guy that was brought in to handle things pending the time they resolve the issue of replacing their sacked coach. Did he just hold the position with the lackadaisical attitude that someone who knows they are just a stopgap and not the solution would? No! He went ahead and made things happen.
Last season he was coaching Westbromwich Albion in their battle for survival in the premiership, he succeeded at that but finally got axed mid season this time around after a series of bad results. The season before that, he was coaching the same team in the championship and succeeded in securing their promotion to the premiership, the season before that he was coaching a team in the third tier of English football. Today he has joined the elite rank of coaches who have won the champion’s league. Did he see this happening under this circumstance? NO! If anyone was to examine and analyze his situation some three months earlier, or even when he assumed the post of interim coach, would they have foreseen this outcome? NO! Take note that he is the most successful coach in England this season for doing the double (FA cup and Champions league).
I doubt that you need me to break down the moral of this one to you but just in case you need me to, here it is. Your present situation is the prelude to a better after now regardless of how long or how bleak it looks like. What you can do when it seems you’re in a situation you can’t control is to control yourself. Stay focused on your goal, work hard towards improving your person in all ramifications and above all BELIEVE. The truth is that all of those successful people believed they would succeed even though they were often time surrounded by circumstances that casted uncertainties on their aspirations. If Di Matteo can do it, and my neighbor who I know will surely do it does too, why can’t you? Keep on pushing!
p.s. you might want to listen to track 11 off 2Face’s new album ‘Away&Beyond’ titled ‘Keep on pushing’. God bless your Hustle this week and forever.
This neighbor of mine is married with three kids. He is a plumber by profession and despite this he has his own car and his own house. He is sub 35 age wise, and he is barely educated. I doubt that he even has a schooling leaving certificate. Now his plumbing business to the best of my knowledge is a one man business. However he has about 3 or 4 employees in the form of apprentices who get paid stipends and who don’t have much experience in the field of endeavor. His clientele consists of mostly projects for residential buildings and repairs in some cases. Now let’s assume that once in a while he gets an office project, school project or a project other than residential. Bear in mind that he has no alternative source of income.
Since I really don’t know what his finance is like, let’s assume that his take home at the end of a regular month is 150 thousand naira after the running costs of the business has been deducted. Assuming also that after spending on the upkeep for his household he gets to save 20% of whatever he makes every month, how much will he have at the end of his life? Before you respond to that question, let’s factor in all the variables. He definitely won’t meet that number income-wise every month, some months he might make more and other months he might make less. The expenses for upkeep will never remain constant as it will always get higher as his kids grow older and there will always arise some unforeseen circumstance that will require extra spending. Ok. So how much will he have saved up when he is say 70 years?
A lot of us have a habit of analyzing our lives and everything that’s happening around us rather than getting on with living. If one is to dwell on the circumstances they find themselves in all the time, I doubt that there’ll ever be successful people talk less of achievers. Ask anyone who can be said to be successful if they ever knew they were going to be successful and when they foresaw it happening and hear what their responses would be. Some of them will respond that they didn’t see it happening, others that are confident in their ability like M.I Abaga will tell you that they knew it was going to happen, them being successful that is. One thing that’ll be constant with the responses you’ll get if you really go out to ask these people is this; no one amongst everyone you ask knew the very moment their breakthrough would come.
That said, shall we cease to live and exist cause the eventuality of our present circumstance is looking unlikely when compared to our desired end?
The decision to address this subject in the form of a blog article came to me whilst watching the celebration of Chelsea FC’s triumph in the champions league (take note that I’m an Arsenal FC fan) the moment particularly was when Roberto Di Matteo was leading the players up the podium to receive their winners’ medals. Freeze that frame right there!
Now Di Matteo is Chelsea’s caretaker coach, the guy that was brought in to handle things pending the time they resolve the issue of replacing their sacked coach. Did he just hold the position with the lackadaisical attitude that someone who knows they are just a stopgap and not the solution would? No! He went ahead and made things happen.
Last season he was coaching Westbromwich Albion in their battle for survival in the premiership, he succeeded at that but finally got axed mid season this time around after a series of bad results. The season before that, he was coaching the same team in the championship and succeeded in securing their promotion to the premiership, the season before that he was coaching a team in the third tier of English football. Today he has joined the elite rank of coaches who have won the champion’s league. Did he see this happening under this circumstance? NO! If anyone was to examine and analyze his situation some three months earlier, or even when he assumed the post of interim coach, would they have foreseen this outcome? NO! Take note that he is the most successful coach in England this season for doing the double (FA cup and Champions league).
I doubt that you need me to break down the moral of this one to you but just in case you need me to, here it is. Your present situation is the prelude to a better after now regardless of how long or how bleak it looks like. What you can do when it seems you’re in a situation you can’t control is to control yourself. Stay focused on your goal, work hard towards improving your person in all ramifications and above all BELIEVE. The truth is that all of those successful people believed they would succeed even though they were often time surrounded by circumstances that casted uncertainties on their aspirations. If Di Matteo can do it, and my neighbor who I know will surely do it does too, why can’t you? Keep on pushing!
p.s. you might want to listen to track 11 off 2Face’s new album ‘Away&Beyond’ titled ‘Keep on pushing’. God bless your Hustle this week and forever.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Gomorrah
This piece is inspired by the way of living of residents of the Shitta Housing Project, somewhere in Surulere. It is a creative approach to portraying their ways of life without passing judgement. There is no direct reference to any one individual personality and it is a reflection from the point of view of a cannabis user who visits there on a regular. why i felt the need to write this, i don't know. But someone needs to tell their story.
So much buzz around that I’m starting to think I’m in a bee hive.
Everybody is moving around with no destination in mind.
So much fuss about stuff like it’s the real deal
But it’s nothing but another episode in the ‘series’ called same old shit
Rumors spread within the community like some STD
And the chances of catching the virus becomes likely if you’re into the numbers (baba ijebu)
When it’s done, you’re going to need a healthy dose of whatever you get your release off.
Look around and see the right acts on the wrong scene.
This is a city that takes no prisoners except for those that get hooked on you know what.
We’re all keeping appearances, acting like we’ve got something good going.
The sons are peddlers, urchins or opportunists. The daughters sleep during the day and work at night.
They all switch roles with their parents by the time they turn 18.
Small clusters of people toasting to a fellowship that has yielded nothing but ‘hang over’
And with the multitude around, you won’t believe you are by yourself until shit hits the fence.
You’re yearning for acceptance from those around you who are looking at you with alarm on their faces.
They want out of what you’re trying to get into hence the expression on their faces
You have what they crave but soon it would be had
Presence is hardly missed like a good student, save for that of the dealer.
Whilst you are making yourself indispensable, your replacement is being groomed around the corner.
Before you know it, you’re lost like a dog on a green trail waiting for the hunter’s whistling which would never come.
A Sunday day turns grey in the long run and leaves you wondering why it always rains in your space.
Substance abuse puts you on the path of depression.
You are running away from your problems but the escape route is laid with quick sand
An induction of another destitute-to-be makes the survival statistics harsh
Outside seems too dull, the deafening noise of your surrounding clouds your awareness leaving your judgment impaired.
If chance is not doing you any favors you’re free to check out but would you?
Welcome to GOMORRAH; enjoy your stay for a while till the heat gets amplified if you don’t know when to check out of this mean hell’s kitchen.
So much buzz around that I’m starting to think I’m in a bee hive.
Everybody is moving around with no destination in mind.
So much fuss about stuff like it’s the real deal
But it’s nothing but another episode in the ‘series’ called same old shit
Rumors spread within the community like some STD
And the chances of catching the virus becomes likely if you’re into the numbers (baba ijebu)
When it’s done, you’re going to need a healthy dose of whatever you get your release off.
Look around and see the right acts on the wrong scene.
This is a city that takes no prisoners except for those that get hooked on you know what.
We’re all keeping appearances, acting like we’ve got something good going.
The sons are peddlers, urchins or opportunists. The daughters sleep during the day and work at night.
They all switch roles with their parents by the time they turn 18.
Small clusters of people toasting to a fellowship that has yielded nothing but ‘hang over’
And with the multitude around, you won’t believe you are by yourself until shit hits the fence.
You’re yearning for acceptance from those around you who are looking at you with alarm on their faces.
They want out of what you’re trying to get into hence the expression on their faces
You have what they crave but soon it would be had
Presence is hardly missed like a good student, save for that of the dealer.
Whilst you are making yourself indispensable, your replacement is being groomed around the corner.
Before you know it, you’re lost like a dog on a green trail waiting for the hunter’s whistling which would never come.
A Sunday day turns grey in the long run and leaves you wondering why it always rains in your space.
Substance abuse puts you on the path of depression.
You are running away from your problems but the escape route is laid with quick sand
An induction of another destitute-to-be makes the survival statistics harsh
Outside seems too dull, the deafening noise of your surrounding clouds your awareness leaving your judgment impaired.
If chance is not doing you any favors you’re free to check out but would you?
Welcome to GOMORRAH; enjoy your stay for a while till the heat gets amplified if you don’t know when to check out of this mean hell’s kitchen.
MY NEW REALITY
It’s been what? 5 months since I last posted a blog article and I’m sure some of ‘them’ (we all know them) must have been snickering behind my back, educating others on how they (them) always knew I was a fluke. When I set out in January 2011 to really be dedicated to blogging, I never believed the intent behind that decision will be achieved 7 months later neither did I even imagine that the last blog entry will be on the subject it was about.
I didn’t run out of words to put together and give to you in the form of articles. What I’ve always prayed for and got is what has kept me away from hanging out with you via the blog. The last 8months, I’ve been living my dream and except for some minute details I never would have known back when I was dreaming; every other thing has been lovely. I feel blessed to have been able to live a part of the dream and at this rate the dream just keeps being lived, not by a dream snatcher but by the dreamer, myself. So from now, feel free to call me ‘the dreamer’.
I know sometimes when you read my articles, you all wonder why this boy (the Dreamer) always talk like he is an authority on the subject of healthy existential living. I’m not an authority on the subject but I’m an encyclopedia of diverse life experiences which gives me an understanding of a lot of life issues. I’ve come to realize that the wisest men are the most foolish. Ask, ‘why?’ the route they have taken or they take to arrive at the knowledge that makes them wise (am I saying I’m a wise guy?)
So 3 paragraphs on and I’ve still not hinted on what I’ve been doing this whole while that has kept from blogging and at the same time made me feel lucky (by virtue of me living my dream). You won’t believe it but it’s……….work x_x. You know that saying about ‘how God brings some people into your life for a purpose’ and that other one about ‘God sending people and not spirits or angels to your rescue’? I’m a living testament to both these wise cracks. There’s this girl I met sometime in 2006 and we finally really started hanging out in 2009, let’s call her Chigo. She was the bridge that was to transport me from my dream into my reality. It took 2 years for her to actualize this purpose though she didn’t even know what her mission was in my life.
I started hanging out with Chigo in 2009 like I said and some 6 months later, I was in love or so I thought. Whilst I was busy ‘toasting’ and chasing Chigo about thinking she was the angel assigned to make me love again, I totally skipped the detail. It wasn’t my negligence though, I guess the time just wasn’t right. Anyways somehow somehow, Chigo fulfilled her part in the movie called my life and I doubt that she’ll be playing a role anymore, at least not a prominent one. She got me the connect that turned my dreams into reality. The dream; as a result of my passions, music especially and literature to a larger extent, I always looked up to a certain group of people. These guys, I grew up reading about and familiarizing with via their works. I won’t throw names around to impress you but I work for one of them, have met two, no three? Even four of the others through the job sef.
What I just realized whilst writing this is that, had I met this guy earlier than I did, I definitely wouldn’t have been able to hold it down. See I used to be a cocky and heady F’er. A series of experience actually broke me down completely for God to remold. Ask anyone that knows me from back then, I was the ‘mother of motherfuckers’. The first lesson in my remodeling was some school issue, and then in October 1st, 2010 I had an experience I’ve never shared with anyone. I was using myself as a specimen, checking out the reaction of simultaneous application of stimulant (coca cola) and depressant (ganja plus codeine) on my body. 30 minutes later, a mild case of heart attack was the result. The next phase of my remodeling was in January 2011. I traveled out (to Cotonou lol!) and whilst away, I started experimenting with some controlled substance. This fucked my mind up for a while and rendered me timid as I wasn’t sure of myself anymore.
All these experiences catalyzed the change but the crowning moment was October 2011. I had been looking forward to my dad’s return cause I love and missed him but also because he was bringing me a new phone (BB) which I badly needed as the one I had prior to then had packed up. 9 days after he arrived, he died (I know, not again abi?). All of these occurrences have influenced in bits, my new approach to life. Your life (myself included) is not yours to do as you like with, use it well cause when the owner returns, you’ll have to account for every second of it (time is the unit of life right?). God help us all!! ‘What’s reality if you never get to live it?’
I didn’t run out of words to put together and give to you in the form of articles. What I’ve always prayed for and got is what has kept me away from hanging out with you via the blog. The last 8months, I’ve been living my dream and except for some minute details I never would have known back when I was dreaming; every other thing has been lovely. I feel blessed to have been able to live a part of the dream and at this rate the dream just keeps being lived, not by a dream snatcher but by the dreamer, myself. So from now, feel free to call me ‘the dreamer’.
I know sometimes when you read my articles, you all wonder why this boy (the Dreamer) always talk like he is an authority on the subject of healthy existential living. I’m not an authority on the subject but I’m an encyclopedia of diverse life experiences which gives me an understanding of a lot of life issues. I’ve come to realize that the wisest men are the most foolish. Ask, ‘why?’ the route they have taken or they take to arrive at the knowledge that makes them wise (am I saying I’m a wise guy?)
So 3 paragraphs on and I’ve still not hinted on what I’ve been doing this whole while that has kept from blogging and at the same time made me feel lucky (by virtue of me living my dream). You won’t believe it but it’s……….work x_x. You know that saying about ‘how God brings some people into your life for a purpose’ and that other one about ‘God sending people and not spirits or angels to your rescue’? I’m a living testament to both these wise cracks. There’s this girl I met sometime in 2006 and we finally really started hanging out in 2009, let’s call her Chigo. She was the bridge that was to transport me from my dream into my reality. It took 2 years for her to actualize this purpose though she didn’t even know what her mission was in my life.
I started hanging out with Chigo in 2009 like I said and some 6 months later, I was in love or so I thought. Whilst I was busy ‘toasting’ and chasing Chigo about thinking she was the angel assigned to make me love again, I totally skipped the detail. It wasn’t my negligence though, I guess the time just wasn’t right. Anyways somehow somehow, Chigo fulfilled her part in the movie called my life and I doubt that she’ll be playing a role anymore, at least not a prominent one. She got me the connect that turned my dreams into reality. The dream; as a result of my passions, music especially and literature to a larger extent, I always looked up to a certain group of people. These guys, I grew up reading about and familiarizing with via their works. I won’t throw names around to impress you but I work for one of them, have met two, no three? Even four of the others through the job sef.
What I just realized whilst writing this is that, had I met this guy earlier than I did, I definitely wouldn’t have been able to hold it down. See I used to be a cocky and heady F’er. A series of experience actually broke me down completely for God to remold. Ask anyone that knows me from back then, I was the ‘mother of motherfuckers’. The first lesson in my remodeling was some school issue, and then in October 1st, 2010 I had an experience I’ve never shared with anyone. I was using myself as a specimen, checking out the reaction of simultaneous application of stimulant (coca cola) and depressant (ganja plus codeine) on my body. 30 minutes later, a mild case of heart attack was the result. The next phase of my remodeling was in January 2011. I traveled out (to Cotonou lol!) and whilst away, I started experimenting with some controlled substance. This fucked my mind up for a while and rendered me timid as I wasn’t sure of myself anymore.
All these experiences catalyzed the change but the crowning moment was October 2011. I had been looking forward to my dad’s return cause I love and missed him but also because he was bringing me a new phone (BB) which I badly needed as the one I had prior to then had packed up. 9 days after he arrived, he died (I know, not again abi?). All of these occurrences have influenced in bits, my new approach to life. Your life (myself included) is not yours to do as you like with, use it well cause when the owner returns, you’ll have to account for every second of it (time is the unit of life right?). God help us all!! ‘What’s reality if you never get to live it?’
Thursday, November 10, 2011
A TRIBUTE TO MY PAPA
Daddy was a miracle, so said the doctors and nurses at the hospital where he had been receiving chemotherapy treatments in Canada, diagnosis revealed that he had leukemia. God finally had mercy on him and called Dad to His place of rest on the 13th of October 2011, a year after he was first diagnosed with the disease. Dad was 51 at the time of his death; he had studied finance at Indiana state university and proceeded to work at some notable establishments including Macy stores, New York. He is survived by his wife, we the kids (3 of us), friends and family, and NO enemy.
Dad was a lover and a fighter. He loved his family and friends so much, he always tried to carry everyone along even when it wasn’t so convenient for him to. Dad had to fight for every good thing he had in life. He always told us that he didn’t want us, his kids to go through the type of suffering he had to withstand. I remember a particular story he told me one time, about how he used to wait back in the university library, to copy complete text books into notebooks because he couldn’t afford to own them outrightly. He recalled the first winter he experienced as a freshman at Indiana state university. How his toes would go numb from chill because his budget made winter boots a luxury he couldn’t afford. Dad fought the disease in his veins with every ounce of strength he had till God decided it was time for him to rest.
Dad was a perfect gentleman. From his grooming, to his manners and disposition, Dad was the poster boy for ‘perfect gentleman’. His lover for so many years, Mum can testify to this. Despite the fact that they have their differences and misunderstandings, he never raised his hands up to abuse her physically. One of his strongest points was his looks and appearance. Always clad in top of the range clothing and accessories, much of my taste for the finer things in life was acquired from Dad. He did most of the shopping for my clothing needs and as such, helped in carving my style. Safe to say that dad made me fly.
Enterprising is one of the stellar traits that set Dad apart from his peers. From teenage, Dad was already on his grind. By the time he turned 21 and gained admission into the university, he had already held down 3 different jobs, one of which was as a staff of the Federal Office of Statistics and another as a sales rep. at Leventis. From very young, he had his hands in a couple of ventures; he owned a small poultry which he managed and operated on his own, he was investing heavily in music records and sound equipments (this led to him picking up the art of DJing since high school). Put Dad in a circle and tell him to find 90 degree angles, he will.
Dad was a disciplinarian. I can’t recall him ever beating me for misbehaving but still, he had a way of instilling fear in me. Whenever he wasn’t around and I err somehow, all Mum had to do to set me straight was to inform me that she already told Dad about my exploits. I heard when he was younger he never shied away from using the rod on his younger ones when they messed up, but as he grew older, he must have found other ways of disciplining. These he applied to full effect in my case and that of my younger ones.
Dad was a trendsetter amongst his peers. I can go on about all the things tat Dad was. We the kids are of a unanimous opinion that Dad is the bestest Dad in the world. He is my motivation. Now I'll try to bring Dad back to life in everything i do. I'm trying on the shoes you left behind, i know someday, they'll fit.
Dad was a lover and a fighter. He loved his family and friends so much, he always tried to carry everyone along even when it wasn’t so convenient for him to. Dad had to fight for every good thing he had in life. He always told us that he didn’t want us, his kids to go through the type of suffering he had to withstand. I remember a particular story he told me one time, about how he used to wait back in the university library, to copy complete text books into notebooks because he couldn’t afford to own them outrightly. He recalled the first winter he experienced as a freshman at Indiana state university. How his toes would go numb from chill because his budget made winter boots a luxury he couldn’t afford. Dad fought the disease in his veins with every ounce of strength he had till God decided it was time for him to rest.
Dad was a perfect gentleman. From his grooming, to his manners and disposition, Dad was the poster boy for ‘perfect gentleman’. His lover for so many years, Mum can testify to this. Despite the fact that they have their differences and misunderstandings, he never raised his hands up to abuse her physically. One of his strongest points was his looks and appearance. Always clad in top of the range clothing and accessories, much of my taste for the finer things in life was acquired from Dad. He did most of the shopping for my clothing needs and as such, helped in carving my style. Safe to say that dad made me fly.
Enterprising is one of the stellar traits that set Dad apart from his peers. From teenage, Dad was already on his grind. By the time he turned 21 and gained admission into the university, he had already held down 3 different jobs, one of which was as a staff of the Federal Office of Statistics and another as a sales rep. at Leventis. From very young, he had his hands in a couple of ventures; he owned a small poultry which he managed and operated on his own, he was investing heavily in music records and sound equipments (this led to him picking up the art of DJing since high school). Put Dad in a circle and tell him to find 90 degree angles, he will.
Dad was a disciplinarian. I can’t recall him ever beating me for misbehaving but still, he had a way of instilling fear in me. Whenever he wasn’t around and I err somehow, all Mum had to do to set me straight was to inform me that she already told Dad about my exploits. I heard when he was younger he never shied away from using the rod on his younger ones when they messed up, but as he grew older, he must have found other ways of disciplining. These he applied to full effect in my case and that of my younger ones.
Dad was a trendsetter amongst his peers. I can go on about all the things tat Dad was. We the kids are of a unanimous opinion that Dad is the bestest Dad in the world. He is my motivation. Now I'll try to bring Dad back to life in everything i do. I'm trying on the shoes you left behind, i know someday, they'll fit.
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