For me it started when I was in s.s.s.1. I was a student at a government high school that offered boarding house arrangements for interested students. Being a state government school, the student body comprised kids from diverse background and upbringing, from different works of life. The first time I had to knuckle up in self defense, was whilst I was a student at that school. So also was my first ever school year without finishing in the top 3 tier in class. By the end of junior year I had settled in and made so many friends, some of whom I’ve being able to retain to this present day, others I’ve lost contact with. One of the persons I was friends with is Emmanuel, nick named ‘notorious’ or ‘noto’. He was a year ahead in class but he was years ahead of me in experience. Noto was a habitual offender, always breaking one school rule or the other. Despite this, he was a very sweet person, arguably one of the nicest persons I’ve ever known.
There was this mid-term break we had in my first year in senior high, the break was for a period of 4 days. I decided to stay back in school for some reason. Anyway, to fill the long hours of each day with activities, we sometimes resort to hiking and exploring the surrounding settlements that were primitive. On one of such trips during this break, I left school in the company of Noto who was also staying back in school for the break. Whilst outside, he took charge of navigating us around and he showed a good knowledge of the routes. After hiking for a while, we arrived at a compound where everyone exchanged pleasantries with Noto and addressed him by his moniker. We were offered sits and without prior enquiry, offered cups of palm wine. I was familiar with this substance so I had no qualm with accepting the offering and helping myself to its content. When our supposed host noticed we were done with that, he poured us both a healthy measure of something else that was transparent. I followed Noto’s lead by taking a mouth full but alas! It didn’t taste at all like how I anticipated. In fact, it hurt my mouth and I didn’t want to swallow, Noto noticed my reaction and started laughing. In order to save face, I forced the substance down my throat knowing well from the smell, that what I just had was hard liquor and this was unfamiliar territory for me. In no time the liquor took effect and I started seeing things. I requested that we leave for school immediately and he obliged. That was the longest walk of my life despite the close proximity of where we were to our school premises. On getting to school, I went straight to bed. That was my first time consuming alcohol.
My second experience was during the summer break of that school year. My girl friend at the time, came to my house and requested that I accompany her to her friend’s house at festac. On getting there, our host offered to take us out for refreshments. Whilst the girls ordered food, I ordered for a bottle of ‘small stout’. I guess I was trying to impress the girls by posturing like a grown up. I had to go through the ordeal of swallowing most of the bitter content of the bottle. On our way home, I slept for most of the ride back. By the time I was through with high school, I had become a seasoned casual drinker.
The other day I was on twitter, mr badt guy tweeted a question, ‘Is drinking=chilling?’ He actually drinks too but then, I understood the reason why he must have tweeted that. These days, getting high one way or the other is the most common recreation amongst youths these days. Be it at the beach, in the club, at a local bar, or even at home. You hear boys bragging about how much alcohol they can consume at a sitting. Please don’t get me wrong, I have no qualm with drinking at all, but when drinking becomes the high point of your recreational routine, there is a problem then. Ladies can testify to this. As a lady, have you ever visited a male friend and then he takes you to a bar to entertain you? Especially ladies that don’t drink. The best guys like this can do is, take her to a posh bar and make her sit idly whilst he along with is friends, guzzle bottle after bottle of alcohol and gist noisily. If she’s lucky, she’ll own a BB and use that in whiling away the boring time.
These days, you see boys using pictures with outrageous numbers of bottles of alcohol, as their d.p. on BBm to brag (in their minds, they are chilling). Whatever happened to other forms of recreation like visiting the zoo (Oops! There are none operational), the museum, concerts, entertainment events, the beach (for other fun activities)? etc. For those of us artistically inclined, there are private galleries in operation these days as well as private libraries with multimedia functions to explore. Alcohol shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to mind when we think relaxation. Let’s try to be creative when drawing up plans for recreation or a date. Trying out other fun stuffs will aid in stimulating our minds, which in turn will enable our creative juices to flow freely. How you relax speak volumes of your level of exposure and style.
Personally, I’ve missed a lot of beautiful Saturday and Sunday mornings because of alcohol laden prior nights. Whilst in search of the ideal relaxation routine, you can like to stop at G12 in Oniru or Eldorado at Elegushi, where you can catch me with my skunk and bottle of absolute vodka, Lol! I’m just kidding o!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Writing: What it means to me
It's been a whole month of writers block for me and at some point, I started to feel depression creep in. Throughout the period, I tried to scribble a few lines on more than one occasion only to get stuck after a few lines. It really was frustrating, having ideas and not being able to articulate into a decent write-up. At a point I figured, if I probably write something decent about my writers block, then I would have written something and put an end to the bad run.
During that month (august), I tried to write on a few occasions and the theme of my efforts was ‘Love’. I kept revisiting the issue of love partly because I was in an emotional upheaval as a result of a certain lady I was involved with, not responding positively to our venture together. The other reason why I kept attempting a decent write-up on the subject was the feedback I got from a certain blog article, ‘is love ever enough’. I realized that people find the love related articles more interesting than other subjects I write about on the blog. The failed attempts finally led me to a realization. It was more of a reminder of how and why I really started writing.
I was once involved in a leisurely group conversation with some friends when T-sparx said and I quote here: ‘these days, everybody that puts pen to paper consider themselves to be writers. Most of them make this claim for attention sake and it’s not funny’. When she said that, I wasn’t offended despite the fact that I was the only person in the group having the conversation that was so inclined i.e. that writes. That said, the how, why and when I really started writing involves a ‘situation’ I was faced with. I was going through a lot of internal turmoil in my being. Partly regret and partly comprehension, emotionally I was agonizing about my conducts and how they led to the ‘situation’. I was as close to depressed as one can get without being depressed. Writing provided me with an outlet to express everything I felt during that period. Before then, I had been scribbling down some thoughts and ideas but the outcome of what I wrote during and about that period led to ‘retrospective thoughts of a naughty boy’, this I consider to be my first real write-up.
This realization/reminder led to me understanding the real essence of writing, for me at least. Writing is born out of the conviction an individual has about a message and the need for it to be heard or read, as the case may be. Writing is the product of a critical analytic thought process. It doesn’t end there as how you tell the message is as important as what the message is, hence the need to practice and perfect one’s form and skill. From this understanding, I have formed a philosophy that guides me in my work as a writer, ‘The service required of every good writer is, to make people see through his/her eyes, that which they had previously been unable to see. A writer should make people see what they have not wished to see. Anyone who can achieve this has fulfilled his/he task as a writer’.
When I first wrote on the subject of love, I wanted you all to see what I realized from my personal experience, that love is never enough to sustain a relationship. Subsequent attempts to revisit the topic of love were my own lofty pursuits. My yearnings for critical acclaim over-rode my duties first as a writer. Then comes the question, ‘what is your source of inspiration?’ I’ve heard and read a lot of corny responses to this question. For me, inspiration comes from different sources, all accessible by my sense organs. Thank you for reading this, I am Gigi mosky and I am a writer.
“there is no such thing as an aspiring writer” Bayo Omisore
During that month (august), I tried to write on a few occasions and the theme of my efforts was ‘Love’. I kept revisiting the issue of love partly because I was in an emotional upheaval as a result of a certain lady I was involved with, not responding positively to our venture together. The other reason why I kept attempting a decent write-up on the subject was the feedback I got from a certain blog article, ‘is love ever enough’. I realized that people find the love related articles more interesting than other subjects I write about on the blog. The failed attempts finally led me to a realization. It was more of a reminder of how and why I really started writing.
I was once involved in a leisurely group conversation with some friends when T-sparx said and I quote here: ‘these days, everybody that puts pen to paper consider themselves to be writers. Most of them make this claim for attention sake and it’s not funny’. When she said that, I wasn’t offended despite the fact that I was the only person in the group having the conversation that was so inclined i.e. that writes. That said, the how, why and when I really started writing involves a ‘situation’ I was faced with. I was going through a lot of internal turmoil in my being. Partly regret and partly comprehension, emotionally I was agonizing about my conducts and how they led to the ‘situation’. I was as close to depressed as one can get without being depressed. Writing provided me with an outlet to express everything I felt during that period. Before then, I had been scribbling down some thoughts and ideas but the outcome of what I wrote during and about that period led to ‘retrospective thoughts of a naughty boy’, this I consider to be my first real write-up.
This realization/reminder led to me understanding the real essence of writing, for me at least. Writing is born out of the conviction an individual has about a message and the need for it to be heard or read, as the case may be. Writing is the product of a critical analytic thought process. It doesn’t end there as how you tell the message is as important as what the message is, hence the need to practice and perfect one’s form and skill. From this understanding, I have formed a philosophy that guides me in my work as a writer, ‘The service required of every good writer is, to make people see through his/her eyes, that which they had previously been unable to see. A writer should make people see what they have not wished to see. Anyone who can achieve this has fulfilled his/he task as a writer’.
When I first wrote on the subject of love, I wanted you all to see what I realized from my personal experience, that love is never enough to sustain a relationship. Subsequent attempts to revisit the topic of love were my own lofty pursuits. My yearnings for critical acclaim over-rode my duties first as a writer. Then comes the question, ‘what is your source of inspiration?’ I’ve heard and read a lot of corny responses to this question. For me, inspiration comes from different sources, all accessible by my sense organs. Thank you for reading this, I am Gigi mosky and I am a writer.
“there is no such thing as an aspiring writer” Bayo Omisore
Sunday, July 10, 2011
IS LOVE EVER ENOUGH? Pt. 2
So I cheated on Stella that weekend, with her friend Tracy. Ever since the incident, I had been trying to redeem myself subtly by being extra caring and loving despite the fact that Tracy didn’t tell her. We, me and Stella, had been having a good time since the infidelity incident until December when a late night call from Stella kicked off another bout of drama. What actually happened was that I said some trash about my relationship to the caller (who was actually my girlfriend, Stella). I was sleep talking and didn’t know it was Stella calling. In my own words, here’s what I said; “My relationship with the girl has gone sour.” Stella held on to these words and December was so much hell that year, I wasn’t looking forward to resuming school in January ’07.
January came and we were barely talking. Tracy resumed her role as confidant and companion during this period. I don’t know what they spoke about but she never mentioned our rendezvous to Stella. Somehow, things got better and by February 14th of ’07, we were back together fully and she spoiled me with all sorts of gifts to commemorate not only lovers’ day, but also our anniversary together. Little did I know she had been seeing a dude called Mohammed since January of 2007? Five days after our anniversary, she broke up with me. We were in love but we were separated.
She continued seeing the Mohammed dude and I met a couple of interesting ladies myself, but for the period of 3 months that we were separated, we never stopped loving each other. By the end of May, we got back together. How? I really don’t remember but it was inevitable. Upon getting back together, we confessed each other’s sins. She revealed hers and I revealed mine, holding back the details of that weekend with Tracy. In our bid to try and figure out what went wrong, we decided to take a big step, i.e. we started indulging in sex (she was a virgin all along), thinking a major commitment and compromise such as this would bring us closer than ever. So she gave it up to me and I, in return, loved her more fervently. I confessed everything to her, told her about every girl I’d slept with since I met her, all except Tracy. I mean, you can’t blame me because I knew It would all be over if I told her and I just wasn’t ready to lose her.
Our love had taken a turn for the better at this time. We communicated so well that she knew me inside and out. I knew her, too. Subconsciously, we started a new trend of paying back. I.e. whenever I did something I knew she wouldn’t like, she’d do something she knew I wouldn’t like to pay me back. This pattern continued until summer of 2008. We got into a heated argument that resulted in a serious showdown. I was so angry that had I seen her, I’d have gone animalistic, possibly physical on her. Some days after this showdown, we bumped into each other at an event. I was in the company of Tracy and James (they were dating the whole while) and she was in the company of another one of her sidekicks as well as 2 handsome-looking young men, one of which was an acquaintance of mine. At some point during the course of the how, I couldn’t bear it anymore so I approached her. We kind of apologized to each other. Now I wasn’t about to let my girl go home with another man in my presence so I insisted on taking her home with me. She concurred and requested that I be polite by informing her male company that I’d be taking charge of her welfare from then on. I did as she requested only for me to return to the spot where we’d been standing to find her absent. That night I tried calling her over 30 times but she didn’t pick my calls. I guess she went for the killer blow.
The next morning I called her to confirm that she was alright and nothing was wrong with her. I stayed back an extra day before returning to school, and upon entering the school campus, she was the first person I saw. Immediately after I saw her, she started crying. I was moved by the tears but then I was hurt from her antics the prior night so I ignored her. She spent the whole week trying to make it up to me but when I didn’t budge, she made arrangements for us to leave school at the weekend. Looking back now, I think I took the whole situation too personally and dissed her badly that weekend. We returned to school the same except for the fact that I had clicked on the self-destruct button. Regardless of the fact that I knew I loved her, I broke up with her and we both became emotional wrecks on campus. Everybody in school knew something was up with us. With time we got over each other, or so we thought, because one year later, we got back together for a brief one-month fling. We’ve been very good friends ever since but we try not to hang out because we always get emotionally entangled when we do. Deep within me, I know a part of me still loves her and sometimes when I hear her talk, I feel the feeling is mutual. We’ve been able to avoid getting back together somehow, though.
At some point during the roller coaster ride of our relationship, we had a very deep conversation and the question surfaced, ‘is love ever enough?’ I responded in the negative using our own experience as a point. She agreed with my response stating the fact that she loved me and knew I loved her, too, but still things didn’t work between us, no matter how hard we tried. To my credit, I finally confessed the dark secret about the weekend with Tracy and my Stella forgave me. I wonder if they are still friends. So, what do you think? Is love ever enough? Really…..
January came and we were barely talking. Tracy resumed her role as confidant and companion during this period. I don’t know what they spoke about but she never mentioned our rendezvous to Stella. Somehow, things got better and by February 14th of ’07, we were back together fully and she spoiled me with all sorts of gifts to commemorate not only lovers’ day, but also our anniversary together. Little did I know she had been seeing a dude called Mohammed since January of 2007? Five days after our anniversary, she broke up with me. We were in love but we were separated.
She continued seeing the Mohammed dude and I met a couple of interesting ladies myself, but for the period of 3 months that we were separated, we never stopped loving each other. By the end of May, we got back together. How? I really don’t remember but it was inevitable. Upon getting back together, we confessed each other’s sins. She revealed hers and I revealed mine, holding back the details of that weekend with Tracy. In our bid to try and figure out what went wrong, we decided to take a big step, i.e. we started indulging in sex (she was a virgin all along), thinking a major commitment and compromise such as this would bring us closer than ever. So she gave it up to me and I, in return, loved her more fervently. I confessed everything to her, told her about every girl I’d slept with since I met her, all except Tracy. I mean, you can’t blame me because I knew It would all be over if I told her and I just wasn’t ready to lose her.
Our love had taken a turn for the better at this time. We communicated so well that she knew me inside and out. I knew her, too. Subconsciously, we started a new trend of paying back. I.e. whenever I did something I knew she wouldn’t like, she’d do something she knew I wouldn’t like to pay me back. This pattern continued until summer of 2008. We got into a heated argument that resulted in a serious showdown. I was so angry that had I seen her, I’d have gone animalistic, possibly physical on her. Some days after this showdown, we bumped into each other at an event. I was in the company of Tracy and James (they were dating the whole while) and she was in the company of another one of her sidekicks as well as 2 handsome-looking young men, one of which was an acquaintance of mine. At some point during the course of the how, I couldn’t bear it anymore so I approached her. We kind of apologized to each other. Now I wasn’t about to let my girl go home with another man in my presence so I insisted on taking her home with me. She concurred and requested that I be polite by informing her male company that I’d be taking charge of her welfare from then on. I did as she requested only for me to return to the spot where we’d been standing to find her absent. That night I tried calling her over 30 times but she didn’t pick my calls. I guess she went for the killer blow.
The next morning I called her to confirm that she was alright and nothing was wrong with her. I stayed back an extra day before returning to school, and upon entering the school campus, she was the first person I saw. Immediately after I saw her, she started crying. I was moved by the tears but then I was hurt from her antics the prior night so I ignored her. She spent the whole week trying to make it up to me but when I didn’t budge, she made arrangements for us to leave school at the weekend. Looking back now, I think I took the whole situation too personally and dissed her badly that weekend. We returned to school the same except for the fact that I had clicked on the self-destruct button. Regardless of the fact that I knew I loved her, I broke up with her and we both became emotional wrecks on campus. Everybody in school knew something was up with us. With time we got over each other, or so we thought, because one year later, we got back together for a brief one-month fling. We’ve been very good friends ever since but we try not to hang out because we always get emotionally entangled when we do. Deep within me, I know a part of me still loves her and sometimes when I hear her talk, I feel the feeling is mutual. We’ve been able to avoid getting back together somehow, though.
At some point during the roller coaster ride of our relationship, we had a very deep conversation and the question surfaced, ‘is love ever enough?’ I responded in the negative using our own experience as a point. She agreed with my response stating the fact that she loved me and knew I loved her, too, but still things didn’t work between us, no matter how hard we tried. To my credit, I finally confessed the dark secret about the weekend with Tracy and my Stella forgave me. I wonder if they are still friends. So, what do you think? Is love ever enough? Really…..
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
MY IDEAL MAN
Due to popular demand, i had to get a female point of view of what a decent lady requires of her ideal man. Who's better to ask than my own editor, Jarnli Cheney Granger. You can follow her blog at http://barbieismyspiritguide.blogspot.com enjoy the read
I was asked to compile a list of pre-requisites for my ideal man. I guess my Blogger friend wanted a woman’s point of view on the subject. I can only speak for myself, but I have been married twice and I have about 25 years’ worth of relationship experience to reflect on and I have learned a thing or two about what I do and do not want. Here is what I require:
First of all, we must have the same beliefs about God, life and the reason why we are here. There are just too many instances in life when these beliefs dictate our actions and to disagree on such heavy matters can only cause dissention. From the way one treats his neighbor to the way one decides not to stress about the challenges in life; faith is a determining factor in how we behave.
Second, I prefer someone of a diverse cultural background. The differences are more interesting to me and I find men of color more aesthetically & sexually attractive. I have long given up on analyzing why, it is simply my preference. Besides, my experiences with men of my own race and cultural background have made me grow tired. I want a man who enhances my life, not a man who sucks me dry because he is so empty to begin with.
He must love music and he must have an open mind as well as his own passionate love for what moves him. In this department, the diversity factor is truly engaging for me.
One quality that is a priority to me is intelligence. I hate having to dumb down for a man. I am very socially aware and much keyed in to pop culture. I like to be able to converse about current events without having to explain too much. I especially like to be able to use all of my extensive vocabulary without getting a blank stare because the word I just used was just too big with too many syllables. I want a man who knows who I am referring to when I mention Steinbeck, Maya Angelou, Sinead O’Connor or Lil Wayne.
I don’t care if he loves animals. This is irrelevant to me. Compassion for life is essential, but if he sends 10% of his paycheck to PETA, we are going to have a problem. The same goes for environmentalists. There are people starving and suffering in this world and money spent on saving the trees or the Mexican Gray Wolf is money wasted, in my opinion. I would rather save one baby from starvation than rescue an entire rain forest. If human life is what the Lord laid down his life for, then that is an indication to me that God places a priority on saving his children, so this comes back to item one: Mutual faith in the same God.
He needs to be clean. I’m not obsessive-compulsive about cleanliness, but if I see a man who doesn’t take care of himself, his clothes, his home or his vehicle, I see a man who simply doesn’t know how to take care of things. I like order. It keeps things uncomplicated, it saves money, it’s healthier and quite honestly, it’s sexy. Basically, if you want it to be kissed, wash it. I don’t want to get near it if it smells bad, be it your house, your body or your car. If you want me to be able to live in it, I better be able to walk barefoot through it without hurting myself or grossing out. I have a sign on my refrigerator – the same one my mother had on hers when I was growing up. It reads: MY HOUSE IS CLEAN ENOUGH TO BE HEALTHY, DIRTY ENOUGH TO BE HAPPY. Words to live by.
He’s gotta like kids. Even if he doesn’t want to have any, he’s gotta be impressed by how funny and cute and innocent they are. I think the reason our Maker gave us the power to create life and sustain it is because children are some of the best teachers we will ever have. I never knew my capacity to love until I bore a child. I never knew unconditional love directed at me until I saw the love in the eyes of my baby as he looked at me and smiled while he breast fed, milk-faced and darling. He doesn’t remember loving me then, but he loves me still. And if a man thinks that children have nothing to contribute to his life, there is something cold and dead and damaged inside of him that is going to get in the way eventually.
Last, he must be able to achieve that delicate balance between sensitivity and masculinity. He has to be able to be ‘all man’ while still being comfortable with normal, human qualities like sadness, elation and humility. I don’t ever want to think that if it weren’t for me, my man would simply be unable to manage. Need me, but handle things without me if need be.
So there you have it. These are qualities that a man either has, or he hasn’t. They are part of his DNA or they are alien to him. I do know that if a woman thinks she can teach these qualities, or force them, she is sadly mistaken. Men are who they are.
“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.” – Natalie Wood
I was asked to compile a list of pre-requisites for my ideal man. I guess my Blogger friend wanted a woman’s point of view on the subject. I can only speak for myself, but I have been married twice and I have about 25 years’ worth of relationship experience to reflect on and I have learned a thing or two about what I do and do not want. Here is what I require:
First of all, we must have the same beliefs about God, life and the reason why we are here. There are just too many instances in life when these beliefs dictate our actions and to disagree on such heavy matters can only cause dissention. From the way one treats his neighbor to the way one decides not to stress about the challenges in life; faith is a determining factor in how we behave.
Second, I prefer someone of a diverse cultural background. The differences are more interesting to me and I find men of color more aesthetically & sexually attractive. I have long given up on analyzing why, it is simply my preference. Besides, my experiences with men of my own race and cultural background have made me grow tired. I want a man who enhances my life, not a man who sucks me dry because he is so empty to begin with.
He must love music and he must have an open mind as well as his own passionate love for what moves him. In this department, the diversity factor is truly engaging for me.
One quality that is a priority to me is intelligence. I hate having to dumb down for a man. I am very socially aware and much keyed in to pop culture. I like to be able to converse about current events without having to explain too much. I especially like to be able to use all of my extensive vocabulary without getting a blank stare because the word I just used was just too big with too many syllables. I want a man who knows who I am referring to when I mention Steinbeck, Maya Angelou, Sinead O’Connor or Lil Wayne.
I don’t care if he loves animals. This is irrelevant to me. Compassion for life is essential, but if he sends 10% of his paycheck to PETA, we are going to have a problem. The same goes for environmentalists. There are people starving and suffering in this world and money spent on saving the trees or the Mexican Gray Wolf is money wasted, in my opinion. I would rather save one baby from starvation than rescue an entire rain forest. If human life is what the Lord laid down his life for, then that is an indication to me that God places a priority on saving his children, so this comes back to item one: Mutual faith in the same God.
He needs to be clean. I’m not obsessive-compulsive about cleanliness, but if I see a man who doesn’t take care of himself, his clothes, his home or his vehicle, I see a man who simply doesn’t know how to take care of things. I like order. It keeps things uncomplicated, it saves money, it’s healthier and quite honestly, it’s sexy. Basically, if you want it to be kissed, wash it. I don’t want to get near it if it smells bad, be it your house, your body or your car. If you want me to be able to live in it, I better be able to walk barefoot through it without hurting myself or grossing out. I have a sign on my refrigerator – the same one my mother had on hers when I was growing up. It reads: MY HOUSE IS CLEAN ENOUGH TO BE HEALTHY, DIRTY ENOUGH TO BE HAPPY. Words to live by.
He’s gotta like kids. Even if he doesn’t want to have any, he’s gotta be impressed by how funny and cute and innocent they are. I think the reason our Maker gave us the power to create life and sustain it is because children are some of the best teachers we will ever have. I never knew my capacity to love until I bore a child. I never knew unconditional love directed at me until I saw the love in the eyes of my baby as he looked at me and smiled while he breast fed, milk-faced and darling. He doesn’t remember loving me then, but he loves me still. And if a man thinks that children have nothing to contribute to his life, there is something cold and dead and damaged inside of him that is going to get in the way eventually.
Last, he must be able to achieve that delicate balance between sensitivity and masculinity. He has to be able to be ‘all man’ while still being comfortable with normal, human qualities like sadness, elation and humility. I don’t ever want to think that if it weren’t for me, my man would simply be unable to manage. Need me, but handle things without me if need be.
So there you have it. These are qualities that a man either has, or he hasn’t. They are part of his DNA or they are alien to him. I do know that if a woman thinks she can teach these qualities, or force them, she is sadly mistaken. Men are who they are.
“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.” – Natalie Wood
Sunday, July 3, 2011
IS LOVE EVER ENOUGH?
I met Stella 4days after resuming my freshman year of college. The precise date is October 20th of '05. The circumstance that led to our meeting is actually vague in my memory now but i remember her sobbing. We all, i.e. all freshmen had been summoned to the university hall by the authorities for another round of the orientation and induction process. Down the roll i was sitted at, there was this light complexioned, petite, young cutey sobbing. The lecture was boring anyway, so i focused my attention on the lady. All her attempt at keeping her emotional row discreet had succeeded with everyone around except for me. I scribbled a few lines on a piece of paper and had it passed on to her. She looked across and i made an inquiring gesture, she smiled and started to write something on the paper, which she sent back to me. Now that i had gotten her attention, i sent a second note asking her to stay back after the program, so we could get to know each other. She obliged my request by waiting behind after the program and we made each other's acquaintance(she told me later on that she wouldn't have obliged if she had know that i wasn't as good looking up close, as i was from a distance. Imagine!)
We became friends and gradually started getting really close, to the point of spending every minute of the period of interaction with each other. Back then, there was this big dude on her case, but we, me and Stella had an awesome connection that was absolutely spontaneous. We were like ying and yang. The theory of spouses complimenting each other was brought to fulfillment with us. It was like we were connected by brain. The big dude soon diminished to just a part of the background of the picture. By February 14th, vals day of the next year, she said ye and we started dating, officially that is. Everything went on smoothly from then on. We were so caught up in each other's world that the other person was all that mattered. I look back now and wonder how it all went wrong.
I was never in doubt as to whether she loved me, i don't know if she was aware that i loved her like hell, but i did and showed it in every way that i could. The relationship got intense so soon, i guess cause we had it before we knew what it really was about. Anyways we made rules together on how to conduct our thing and once in a while, either or both of us broke these rules. We coped with these short comings until Tracy came into the picture. Tracy was Stella's friend from high school and was about to be admitted into our University. I don't know what their allegiances were to each other, but immediately Tracy stepped on campus, my baby had an alternative plan for every plan we made together. Me and Stella got into bad rows that always left one party so angry, they'ld require leaving school to go and cool off away from the other. On one of these occasions, i was so angry with her, i was about leaving school with my friend James, when i bumped into Tracy and my Stella. In order to avoid awkward moments, i got into petty talk with Tracy, ignoring Stella until i introduced Tracy to James. Later that weekend, both Tracy and Stella left school too and we all hooked up at James' apartment after they had done their thing, and we ours. Things went back to normal for a while, then came matriculation weekend. We had another one of those bad rows so she left school to be with her friends, God knows where. Tracy was in school as she was matriculating, so i decided to take Tracy and her friends out just to spite Stella. Whilst outside school, brief moment of slip up due to alcohol and all i can now remember of that night was me marching on vertically, on top of Tracy(missionary style). How we got into the act, i don't remember. The next day, i was flush with embarrassment as this was Tracy, my girlfriend's friend and confidant. 'This is the end of it', 'now Stella has got a good reason to kick me out of her life', 'how can i have done this to the woman i claim to love?' I kept agonizing in my mind. I really love her but how do i explain sleeping with Tracy? Later that night, i went out with Tracy and we bumped into Stella and her entourage. I still don't know how she didn't figure out something was wrong cause i was totally disoriented, overwhelmed by guilt. We made up on that particular night and things went on normally save for what happened between myself and Tracy. Now the question is, despite loving or claiming to love Stella, why did i sleep with Tracy? Is love not enough? we will find out in the concluding part......
We became friends and gradually started getting really close, to the point of spending every minute of the period of interaction with each other. Back then, there was this big dude on her case, but we, me and Stella had an awesome connection that was absolutely spontaneous. We were like ying and yang. The theory of spouses complimenting each other was brought to fulfillment with us. It was like we were connected by brain. The big dude soon diminished to just a part of the background of the picture. By February 14th, vals day of the next year, she said ye and we started dating, officially that is. Everything went on smoothly from then on. We were so caught up in each other's world that the other person was all that mattered. I look back now and wonder how it all went wrong.
I was never in doubt as to whether she loved me, i don't know if she was aware that i loved her like hell, but i did and showed it in every way that i could. The relationship got intense so soon, i guess cause we had it before we knew what it really was about. Anyways we made rules together on how to conduct our thing and once in a while, either or both of us broke these rules. We coped with these short comings until Tracy came into the picture. Tracy was Stella's friend from high school and was about to be admitted into our University. I don't know what their allegiances were to each other, but immediately Tracy stepped on campus, my baby had an alternative plan for every plan we made together. Me and Stella got into bad rows that always left one party so angry, they'ld require leaving school to go and cool off away from the other. On one of these occasions, i was so angry with her, i was about leaving school with my friend James, when i bumped into Tracy and my Stella. In order to avoid awkward moments, i got into petty talk with Tracy, ignoring Stella until i introduced Tracy to James. Later that weekend, both Tracy and Stella left school too and we all hooked up at James' apartment after they had done their thing, and we ours. Things went back to normal for a while, then came matriculation weekend. We had another one of those bad rows so she left school to be with her friends, God knows where. Tracy was in school as she was matriculating, so i decided to take Tracy and her friends out just to spite Stella. Whilst outside school, brief moment of slip up due to alcohol and all i can now remember of that night was me marching on vertically, on top of Tracy(missionary style). How we got into the act, i don't remember. The next day, i was flush with embarrassment as this was Tracy, my girlfriend's friend and confidant. 'This is the end of it', 'now Stella has got a good reason to kick me out of her life', 'how can i have done this to the woman i claim to love?' I kept agonizing in my mind. I really love her but how do i explain sleeping with Tracy? Later that night, i went out with Tracy and we bumped into Stella and her entourage. I still don't know how she didn't figure out something was wrong cause i was totally disoriented, overwhelmed by guilt. We made up on that particular night and things went on normally save for what happened between myself and Tracy. Now the question is, despite loving or claiming to love Stella, why did i sleep with Tracy? Is love not enough? we will find out in the concluding part......
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
THE WOMAN IN MY LIFE
On one rainy day, such as we've been experiencing in Lagos lately, i got into an idle chat with a friend about the best way to spend the day especially if you are idle. Actually the best way to spend a rainy day(an idle one at that) is to stay indoors with your woman and retouch the basis of your love together. This talk led my thoughts to the fact that i've been single for the past two years. Though i've dated casually since, nothing or rather no one has been able to make me feel the need to date wholesomely again, not that i've met anyway. This is not to say that i've not seen anyone i'm attracted to, rather everyone that i'm really attracted to is taken already by another. Makes me want to ask; are there any single ladies in Lagos anymore? The rest that fall below attraction level for me, are those that fall short of the qualities i require of a woman, qualities which some men will consider as irrelevant. Yes! you look surprised, why? do i have a list of qualities i require of a woman? of course i do, i know what i'm looking for. After so many experiences of failed relationships, i made up my mind to give up dating till the right woman comes along. I compiled this list of 10 qualities of my Mrs right. Looking through the list you will notice that i left out qualities like beauty, sexy, and all those other irrelevant femininity that have made our girls forget to build themselves up in character and content. enjoy the read and feel free to indicate your objections.
1) The woman in My life, must be intellectually sound: This is not to say that i'm looking for an Einstein to date, it simply means i want a woman, in fact it means i find a woman with some depth regarding intellectual issue, to be sexy. What's not to like about such a woman? You can actually confide in her and seek her advice plus you two can have decent conversations.
2) She must be GOD fearing: Anybody who is GOD fearing can and will never do wrong. Infidelity will not be an issue, in fact she will be a source of blessing to you through her prayers.
3) She must be homely: We men are wild at heart. To tame us and curb our excesses, you need to keep us close to home. The moment home is not welcoming and we seize that as an excuse to roam, prepare for drama. What do we mean by homely? She cooks a mean meal, high sense of hygiene, even my Mama likes her. That's what homely implies.
4) socially conscious: Another word for this is, awareness of what is going on around. These include fashion, lifestyle, health, society, environment, etc. The last thing you i want is a rich spoilt kid that doesn't know what it feels like to need someone neither do i want a broke girl that would get carried away by material things.
5) A source of great support: Rather than nag, a woman with this quality will fill you up with confidence, zeal, and believe in yourself. She will be your number one fan, cheering you on even though you might be down. Rather than curse and complain, such a woman will bless you
6) Moral regard: This should come under GOD-fearing but then, it is a quality in its own right because a girl with good morals makes a good wife and that's the ultimate intention and objective of dating, for me.
7) Objective: She should be open to new ideas. She shouldn't be rigid and stuck up in her old ways of thinking, to the point of not knowing a good idea when she hears one.
8) Positive minded: Attitudes rub-off on us when we spend so much time with others. My mrs. right must be positive minded. She has to believe everything will turn out good as anything other than this will be a jinx. Pessimism dampens motivation and kills the will to achieve.
9) Prudent: In this time and season, what a brother needs is not a spender but a saver. Someone that will help maximize your resources, not someone that will help deplete it. This is not to say miserly is attractive or acceptable. We are just saying that a woman that knows when to cap the spending makes sense as companion.
10) Fun to be with: All said, a woman shouldn't possess all the important qualities and then forget how to be fun when around you. My woman must possess that factor that will make time spent together, totally enjoyable.
1) The woman in My life, must be intellectually sound: This is not to say that i'm looking for an Einstein to date, it simply means i want a woman, in fact it means i find a woman with some depth regarding intellectual issue, to be sexy. What's not to like about such a woman? You can actually confide in her and seek her advice plus you two can have decent conversations.
2) She must be GOD fearing: Anybody who is GOD fearing can and will never do wrong. Infidelity will not be an issue, in fact she will be a source of blessing to you through her prayers.
3) She must be homely: We men are wild at heart. To tame us and curb our excesses, you need to keep us close to home. The moment home is not welcoming and we seize that as an excuse to roam, prepare for drama. What do we mean by homely? She cooks a mean meal, high sense of hygiene, even my Mama likes her. That's what homely implies.
4) socially conscious: Another word for this is, awareness of what is going on around. These include fashion, lifestyle, health, society, environment, etc. The last thing you i want is a rich spoilt kid that doesn't know what it feels like to need someone neither do i want a broke girl that would get carried away by material things.
5) A source of great support: Rather than nag, a woman with this quality will fill you up with confidence, zeal, and believe in yourself. She will be your number one fan, cheering you on even though you might be down. Rather than curse and complain, such a woman will bless you
6) Moral regard: This should come under GOD-fearing but then, it is a quality in its own right because a girl with good morals makes a good wife and that's the ultimate intention and objective of dating, for me.
7) Objective: She should be open to new ideas. She shouldn't be rigid and stuck up in her old ways of thinking, to the point of not knowing a good idea when she hears one.
8) Positive minded: Attitudes rub-off on us when we spend so much time with others. My mrs. right must be positive minded. She has to believe everything will turn out good as anything other than this will be a jinx. Pessimism dampens motivation and kills the will to achieve.
9) Prudent: In this time and season, what a brother needs is not a spender but a saver. Someone that will help maximize your resources, not someone that will help deplete it. This is not to say miserly is attractive or acceptable. We are just saying that a woman that knows when to cap the spending makes sense as companion.
10) Fun to be with: All said, a woman shouldn't possess all the important qualities and then forget how to be fun when around you. My woman must possess that factor that will make time spent together, totally enjoyable.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
DOWN AND OUT?!
The search for My purpose has taken me through so many phases of Life. through it all, the only thing that never changed was my yearning for success. success is the end product of a trial phase, it is a destination of a trip called trial. My lack of manifestation is not a function of lack of potentials, rather it is a test of my mettle, a measure of my strong will, persistence, and perseverance. the difference between success and failure is the route taken. in the beginning, we all embark on a trip to make good off life. this trip starts the same way for everyone. this beginning is the birth of any person. so we march on, distance measured in unit time. the paths of success and failure separate at strategic locations, these locations are generally called tough times. they differ in appearance, some take the appearance of obstacles, misplaced priorities, unforeseen circumstances, hard times, financial constraints, etc.
These tough times being spoken about serves two purposes. The first of these purposes is to examine an individual's character content and from here, determine if such an individual has what it takes to ply the success route. the other purpose is for indicating i.e. tough times are like road markers on the path of success, their function is to indicate how far you've come in your journey. if you've been traveling the success route and have still not encountered these road markers called tough times, you need to re-assess your journey.
Now there is a particular class of tough times which i would like to talk about. A lot of people can relate with it. Before i proceed, here's a question for you: Have you ever been in a condition where people with lesser understanding of a subject, lesser skill in a form, lesser quality in a function, thrive better in ventures than you who is knowledgeable in the matters. Let me paint another scenario. Have you ever been in a situation where your expectations on the outcome of a particular endeavor which if compared with your potential in the said endeavor, should turn out better than the outcome you usually get? we all must have experienced those situations mentioned above. some persevere, whilst most quit. I'm not concerned about the multitude that quit since more often than not, their names get buried with their aborted ambitions.
This message is for the 'some' that persevere. A few punches will not do it, the objective is to bring down the glass ceiling. A few punches will make cracks, what will bring the whole ceiling(barrier) down is repeated punching.
This write up is inspired by the school of thoughts that believe breakthrough will come, no it on't!. Breakthrough is a doing word. you have to breakthrough the obstacle. The fact that you have to breakthrough should already give a vivid imagination of what one is up against. It is thick, hard, heavy, stubborn. to breakthrough, you have to be tough. read carefully the last paragraph.
People want a lot of good things but are not willing to put in the work required. the present day youth is more into being cool i.e. the reputation, forgetting the more important things. To conquer, you have to stoop, trust me you have to. Am still yet to find a success story that didn't have any down side to it at some point. Show me any heavyweight boxing champion that never got knocked down, i'm sure there's none. Champions get knocked down and they still rise again. The rest of them get knocked out hence the saying 'down and out'. stay up, HEADS UP!!!
These tough times being spoken about serves two purposes. The first of these purposes is to examine an individual's character content and from here, determine if such an individual has what it takes to ply the success route. the other purpose is for indicating i.e. tough times are like road markers on the path of success, their function is to indicate how far you've come in your journey. if you've been traveling the success route and have still not encountered these road markers called tough times, you need to re-assess your journey.
Now there is a particular class of tough times which i would like to talk about. A lot of people can relate with it. Before i proceed, here's a question for you: Have you ever been in a condition where people with lesser understanding of a subject, lesser skill in a form, lesser quality in a function, thrive better in ventures than you who is knowledgeable in the matters. Let me paint another scenario. Have you ever been in a situation where your expectations on the outcome of a particular endeavor which if compared with your potential in the said endeavor, should turn out better than the outcome you usually get? we all must have experienced those situations mentioned above. some persevere, whilst most quit. I'm not concerned about the multitude that quit since more often than not, their names get buried with their aborted ambitions.
This message is for the 'some' that persevere. A few punches will not do it, the objective is to bring down the glass ceiling. A few punches will make cracks, what will bring the whole ceiling(barrier) down is repeated punching.
This write up is inspired by the school of thoughts that believe breakthrough will come, no it on't!. Breakthrough is a doing word. you have to breakthrough the obstacle. The fact that you have to breakthrough should already give a vivid imagination of what one is up against. It is thick, hard, heavy, stubborn. to breakthrough, you have to be tough. read carefully the last paragraph.
People want a lot of good things but are not willing to put in the work required. the present day youth is more into being cool i.e. the reputation, forgetting the more important things. To conquer, you have to stoop, trust me you have to. Am still yet to find a success story that didn't have any down side to it at some point. Show me any heavyweight boxing champion that never got knocked down, i'm sure there's none. Champions get knocked down and they still rise again. The rest of them get knocked out hence the saying 'down and out'. stay up, HEADS UP!!!
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