MY IDEAL MAN

Due to popular demand, i had to get a female point of view of what a decent lady requires of her ideal man. Who's better to ask than my own editor, Jarnli Cheney Granger. You can follow her blog at http://barbieismyspiritguide.blogspot.com enjoy the read

I was asked to compile a list of pre-requisites for my ideal man. I guess my Blogger friend wanted a woman’s point of view on the subject. I can only speak for myself, but I have been married twice and I have about 25 years’ worth of relationship experience to reflect on and I have learned a thing or two about what I do and do not want. Here is what I require:
First of all, we must have the same beliefs about God, life and the reason why we are here. There are just too many instances in life when these beliefs dictate our actions and to disagree on such heavy matters can only cause dissention. From the way one treats his neighbor to the way one decides not to stress about the challenges in life; faith is a determining factor in how we behave.
Second, I prefer someone of a diverse cultural background. The differences are more interesting to me and I find men of color more aesthetically & sexually attractive. I have long given up on analyzing why, it is simply my preference. Besides, my experiences with men of my own race and cultural background have made me grow tired. I want a man who enhances my life, not a man who sucks me dry because he is so empty to begin with.
He must love music and he must have an open mind as well as his own passionate love for what moves him. In this department, the diversity factor is truly engaging for me.
One quality that is a priority to me is intelligence. I hate having to dumb down for a man. I am very socially aware and much keyed in to pop culture. I like to be able to converse about current events without having to explain too much. I especially like to be able to use all of my extensive vocabulary without getting a blank stare because the word I just used was just too big with too many syllables. I want a man who knows who I am referring to when I mention Steinbeck, Maya Angelou, Sinead O’Connor or Lil Wayne.
I don’t care if he loves animals. This is irrelevant to me. Compassion for life is essential, but if he sends 10% of his paycheck to PETA, we are going to have a problem. The same goes for environmentalists. There are people starving and suffering in this world and money spent on saving the trees or the Mexican Gray Wolf is money wasted, in my opinion. I would rather save one baby from starvation than rescue an entire rain forest. If human life is what the Lord laid down his life for, then that is an indication to me that God places a priority on saving his children, so this comes back to item one: Mutual faith in the same God.
He needs to be clean. I’m not obsessive-compulsive about cleanliness, but if I see a man who doesn’t take care of himself, his clothes, his home or his vehicle, I see a man who simply doesn’t know how to take care of things. I like order. It keeps things uncomplicated, it saves money, it’s healthier and quite honestly, it’s sexy. Basically, if you want it to be kissed, wash it. I don’t want to get near it if it smells bad, be it your house, your body or your car. If you want me to be able to live in it, I better be able to walk barefoot through it without hurting myself or grossing out. I have a sign on my refrigerator – the same one my mother had on hers when I was growing up. It reads: MY HOUSE IS CLEAN ENOUGH TO BE HEALTHY, DIRTY ENOUGH TO BE HAPPY. Words to live by.

He’s gotta like kids. Even if he doesn’t want to have any, he’s gotta be impressed by how funny and cute and innocent they are. I think the reason our Maker gave us the power to create life and sustain it is because children are some of the best teachers we will ever have. I never knew my capacity to love until I bore a child. I never knew unconditional love directed at me until I saw the love in the eyes of my baby as he looked at me and smiled while he breast fed, milk-faced and darling. He doesn’t remember loving me then, but he loves me still. And if a man thinks that children have nothing to contribute to his life, there is something cold and dead and damaged inside of him that is going to get in the way eventually.
Last, he must be able to achieve that delicate balance between sensitivity and masculinity. He has to be able to be ‘all man’ while still being comfortable with normal, human qualities like sadness, elation and humility. I don’t ever want to think that if it weren’t for me, my man would simply be unable to manage. Need me, but handle things without me if need be.
So there you have it. These are qualities that a man either has, or he hasn’t. They are part of his DNA or they are alien to him. I do know that if a woman thinks she can teach these qualities, or force them, she is sadly mistaken. Men are who they are.

“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.” – Natalie Wood

IS LOVE EVER ENOUGH?

I met Stella 4days after resuming my freshman year of college. The precise date is October 20th of '05. The circumstance that led to our meeting is actually vague in my memory now but i remember her sobbing. We all, i.e. all freshmen had been summoned to the university hall by the authorities for another round of the orientation and induction process. Down the roll i was sitted at, there was this light complexioned, petite, young cutey sobbing. The lecture was boring anyway, so i focused my attention on the lady. All her attempt at keeping her emotional row discreet had succeeded with everyone around except for me. I scribbled a few lines on a piece of paper and had it passed on to her. She looked across and i made an inquiring gesture, she smiled and started to write something on the paper, which she sent back to me. Now that i had gotten her attention, i sent a second note asking her to stay back after the program, so we could get to know each other. She obliged my request by waiting behind after the program and we made each other's acquaintance(she told me later on that she wouldn't have obliged if she had know that i wasn't as good looking up close, as i was from a distance. Imagine!)
We became friends and gradually started getting really close, to the point of spending every minute of the period of interaction with each other. Back then, there was this big dude on her case, but we, me and Stella had an awesome connection that was absolutely spontaneous. We were like ying and yang. The theory of spouses complimenting each other was brought to fulfillment with us. It was like we were connected by brain. The big dude soon diminished to just a part of the background of the picture. By February 14th, vals day of the next year, she said ye and we started dating, officially that is. Everything went on smoothly from then on. We were so caught up in each other's world that the other person was all that mattered. I look back now and wonder how it all went wrong.
I was never in doubt as to whether she loved me, i don't know if she was aware that i loved her like hell, but i did and showed it in every way that i could. The relationship got intense so soon, i guess cause we had it before we knew what it really was about. Anyways we made rules together on how to conduct our thing and once in a while, either or both of us broke these rules. We coped with these short comings until Tracy came into the picture. Tracy was Stella's friend from high school and was about to be admitted into our University. I don't know what their allegiances were to each other, but immediately Tracy stepped on campus, my baby had an alternative plan for every plan we made together. Me and Stella got into bad rows that always left one party so angry, they'ld require leaving school to go and cool off away from the other. On one of these occasions, i was so angry with her, i was about leaving school with my friend James, when i bumped into Tracy and my Stella. In order to avoid awkward moments, i got into petty talk with Tracy, ignoring Stella until i introduced Tracy to James. Later that weekend, both Tracy and Stella left school too and we all hooked up at James' apartment after they had done their thing, and we ours. Things went back to normal for a while, then came matriculation weekend. We had another one of those bad rows so she left school to be with her friends, God knows where. Tracy was in school as she was matriculating, so i decided to take Tracy and her friends out just to spite Stella. Whilst outside school, brief moment of slip up due to alcohol and all i can now remember of that night was me marching on vertically, on top of Tracy(missionary style). How we got into the act, i don't remember. The next day, i was flush with embarrassment as this was Tracy, my girlfriend's friend and confidant. 'This is the end of it', 'now Stella has got a good reason to kick me out of her life', 'how can i have done this to the woman i claim to love?' I kept agonizing in my mind. I really love her but how do i explain sleeping with Tracy? Later that night, i went out with Tracy and we bumped into Stella and her entourage. I still don't know how she didn't figure out something was wrong cause i was totally disoriented, overwhelmed by guilt. We made up on that particular night and things went on normally save for what happened between myself and Tracy. Now the question is, despite loving or claiming to love Stella, why did i sleep with Tracy? Is love not enough? we will find out in the concluding part......

THE WOMAN IN MY LIFE

On one rainy day, such as we've been experiencing in Lagos lately, i got into an idle chat with a friend about the best way to spend the day especially if you are idle. Actually the best way to spend a rainy day(an idle one at that) is to stay indoors with your woman and retouch the basis of your love together. This talk led my thoughts to the fact that i've been single for the past two years. Though i've dated casually since, nothing or rather no one has been able to make me feel the need to date wholesomely again, not that i've met anyway. This is not to say that i've not seen anyone i'm attracted to, rather everyone that i'm really attracted to is taken already by another. Makes me want to ask; are there any single ladies in Lagos anymore? The rest that fall below attraction level for me, are those that fall short of the qualities i require of a woman, qualities which some men will consider as irrelevant. Yes! you look surprised, why? do i have a list of qualities i require of a woman? of course i do, i know what i'm looking for. After so many experiences of failed relationships, i made up my mind to give up dating till the right woman comes along. I compiled this list of 10 qualities of my Mrs right. Looking through the list you will notice that i left out qualities like beauty, sexy, and all those other irrelevant femininity that have made our girls forget to build themselves up in character and content. enjoy the read and feel free to indicate your objections.
1) The woman in My life, must be intellectually sound: This is not to say that i'm looking for an Einstein to date, it simply means i want a woman, in fact it means i find a woman with some depth regarding intellectual issue, to be sexy. What's not to like about such a woman? You can actually confide in her and seek her advice plus you two can have decent conversations.
2) She must be GOD fearing: Anybody who is GOD fearing can and will never do wrong. Infidelity will not be an issue, in fact she will be a source of blessing to you through her prayers.
3) She must be homely: We men are wild at heart. To tame us and curb our excesses, you need to keep us close to home. The moment home is not welcoming and we seize that as an excuse to roam, prepare for drama. What do we mean by homely? She cooks a mean meal, high sense of hygiene, even my Mama likes her. That's what homely implies.
4) socially conscious: Another word for this is, awareness of what is going on around. These include fashion, lifestyle, health, society, environment, etc. The last thing you i want is a rich spoilt kid that doesn't know what it feels like to need someone neither do i want a broke girl that would get carried away by material things.
5) A source of great support: Rather than nag, a woman with this quality will fill you up with confidence, zeal, and believe in yourself. She will be your number one fan, cheering you on even though you might be down. Rather than curse and complain, such a woman will bless you
6) Moral regard: This should come under GOD-fearing but then, it is a quality in its own right because a girl with good morals makes a good wife and that's the ultimate intention and objective of dating, for me.
7) Objective: She should be open to new ideas. She shouldn't be rigid and stuck up in her old ways of thinking, to the point of not knowing a good idea when she hears one.
8) Positive minded: Attitudes rub-off on us when we spend so much time with others. My mrs. right must be positive minded. She has to believe everything will turn out good as anything other than this will be a jinx. Pessimism dampens motivation and kills the will to achieve.
9) Prudent: In this time and season, what a brother needs is not a spender but a saver. Someone that will help maximize your resources, not someone that will help deplete it. This is not to say miserly is attractive or acceptable. We are just saying that a woman that knows when to cap the spending makes sense as companion.
10) Fun to be with: All said, a woman shouldn't possess all the important qualities and then forget how to be fun when around you. My woman must possess that factor that will make time spent together, totally enjoyable.

DOWN AND OUT?!

The search for My purpose has taken me through so many phases of Life. through it all, the only thing that never changed was my yearning for success. success is the end product of a trial phase, it is a destination of a trip called trial. My lack of manifestation is not a function of lack of potentials, rather it is a test of my mettle, a measure of my strong will, persistence, and perseverance. the difference between success and failure is the route taken. in the beginning, we all embark on a trip to make good off life. this trip starts the same way for everyone. this beginning is the birth of any person. so we march on, distance measured in unit time. the paths of success and failure separate at strategic locations, these locations are generally called tough times. they differ in appearance, some take the appearance of obstacles, misplaced priorities, unforeseen circumstances, hard times, financial constraints, etc.
These tough times being spoken about serves two purposes. The first of these purposes is to examine an individual's character content and from here, determine if such an individual has what it takes to ply the success route. the other purpose is for indicating i.e. tough times are like road markers on the path of success, their function is to indicate how far you've come in your journey. if you've been traveling the success route and have still not encountered these road markers called tough times, you need to re-assess your journey.
Now there is a particular class of tough times which i would like to talk about. A lot of people can relate with it. Before i proceed, here's a question for you: Have you ever been in a condition where people with lesser understanding of a subject, lesser skill in a form, lesser quality in a function, thrive better in ventures than you who is knowledgeable in the matters. Let me paint another scenario. Have you ever been in a situation where your expectations on the outcome of a particular endeavor which if compared with your potential in the said endeavor, should turn out better than the outcome you usually get? we all must have experienced those situations mentioned above. some persevere, whilst most quit. I'm not concerned about the multitude that quit since more often than not, their names get buried with their aborted ambitions.
This message is for the 'some' that persevere. A few punches will not do it, the objective is to bring down the glass ceiling. A few punches will make cracks, what will bring the whole ceiling(barrier) down is repeated punching.
This write up is inspired by the school of thoughts that believe breakthrough will come, no it on't!. Breakthrough is a doing word. you have to breakthrough the obstacle. The fact that you have to breakthrough should already give a vivid imagination of what one is up against. It is thick, hard, heavy, stubborn. to breakthrough, you have to be tough. read carefully the last paragraph.
People want a lot of good things but are not willing to put in the work required. the present day youth is more into being cool i.e. the reputation, forgetting the more important things. To conquer, you have to stoop, trust me you have to. Am still yet to find a success story that didn't have any down side to it at some point. Show me any heavyweight boxing champion that never got knocked down, i'm sure there's none. Champions get knocked down and they still rise again. The rest of them get knocked out hence the saying 'down and out'. stay up, HEADS UP!!!

SUPERSTAR by Wizkid

ARTIST: WizkiD

ALBUM: superstar
RATING: ***
rating keys: 5star(certified banger) 4star(hot stuff) 3star(very regular) 2star(not bad) 1star(step your game up)

Finally, the much anticipated debut album of your boy wizzy dropped on the 12th of june to much frenzy. The album release date kept being pushed back due to logistics but finally his people decided the time was right. You can cupp the softcopy of the album on notjustok.com
The Content: The album contains 16 tracks, some of which we've heard prior to the official release. guest appearances include banky w on 'slow whine', wande coal on 'for me' and d'prince on 'wad up'.
The Tracks: the album starts with the track 'call my name' which was one of the singles dropped before the album release. the track reminds one of the popular New Edition song ''i'll be your boyfriend''. With instrumentals from samklef, the song attempts to set the mood for some serious grinding and whining in the club but fails to do so effectively until the 5th track, which features mr. capable who brings some of his saltry delivery to an oft high tempo song giving the song that effect wizzy laboured to produce in the four tracks before. This is followed by 'love my baby', my personal favourite on the album. The song starts off with wizzy exhibiting some of the tricks on delivery he learnt from mr. capable only for the producer to marr this particular joint by overzealously trying to switch up on a track that was just fine without the up tempo he tried to induce. From here on, are familiar tracks like 'gidi girl', 'don't dull', and 'tease me' which is followed by 'for me' featuring wande coal. All the efforts at making us grind finally pays off on this one, as wande takes us to the club before schooling wizzy on how we like to whine. The lowest point on the album for me, is the verse by d'prince on the track 'wad up'. Here wizzy tries to reflect on how things used to be but then, how can you do that on a dance instrumental? On 'shout out', he reverts to the name calling formular again, just like he did on 'tease me'.
The Production: The production on the album is slightly above average, with nothing INGENOUSLY DISTINCT. Most of the instrumentals have got samples whose origin, the producer did little or nothing to conceal.
For a rapper turned crooner, the album leaves alot to be desired in the field of lyrical content. With rhyme schemes that end with grind and whine or mind most of the time, the songs are loaded with clichhe lines. we can only hope that the compromise on quality content will pay off in album sales.

CORRECTIONS: AN ESSENTIAL

The only thing worse than not knowing is, not know that you don’t know. The greatest enemy of an individual is the self. Some people blame their woes and misfortune on circumstances not of their own making. Usually they go as far as blaming others for their problems.
It is true that no 2 individuals were born the same, but still the environment they both exist in is the same. One of the evidence of growing up is taking responsibilities for one’s actions. I’ve heard people blame all sorts of things for their woes. They blame the government for the bad economy that affected their businesses adversely, forgetting that some people still strive under the harsh economic situation. Relationships fail and either party involved blame the collapse on the other, absolving themselves off any guilt. Students with bad grades blame it on the tutor for not teaching effectively, blame it on the examiner for being too rigid in the conduct of the exams and timing it. They forget about the others that took the exams under the exact same circumstances passed well. A child fails to meet up to the expectations of the parents and s such, blame everything and everyone but his/her self. From blaming the parents for not raising him right, to blames of too much pressure from the expectations, we hear all sorts of flimsy excuses. Established stars conduct themselves inappropriately and lay the blames on the press for always wanting to cover negative stories, they blame fame for being intoxicating, they blame money for making it hard to have true friends around, some even go as far as blaming their advisers for not guiding them right.
All of these are just a few of the numerous scenarios we find ourselves in and don’t take responsibilities for. We make decisions and expect others to face the consequences of our actions. Is that right? The downside of this kind of mentality is that we will get away with the blame game initially, then get used to it until a devastating one will come along and we won’t be able to escape the fault. At this point, there probably wont be any remedy thereby leaving such individual a mere unfortunate statistic.
The moral of this write up is this, man up and take responsibilities for your actions. Rebuke and reprimand are not an attack on your personality, rather they are for corrections. Only individuals with yearning for perfection take to correction. Corrections heeded help in salvaging one’s glorious destiny. Stay blessed!!

SHOULD IT MATTER???

Sometime last week, I posted a tweet that reflected my thoughts and how I felt at the time. I quote the tweet here ‘should it matter that the beautiful swan was once an ugly duckling?’ I’ll try to relate , in the course of this write-up, the relationship between that quote and redemption.
In my early life, I was always described by 2 words, naughty boy. This descriptive was as a result of my inquisitive nature. In the real sense of it, I was mislabeled cause even when I had nothing up my sleeves, the general assumption was that I was up to something. This reputation followed me for a very long while. The incident that occurred and ultimately inspired this write up is this.
I was at a friend’s place to chill. Whilst there, 3 ladies walked out of a room in the house and immediately I set my eyes on her, I was smitten. She is the personification of beauty, grace, and the frailty of femininity. I mean, you’ld want to touch but then again you wouldn’t want to for fear that you might scar her. The rest of the time I spent at my friend’s place, my eyes stayed glued to her person, observing every detail, even how she chewed her meal. At this point, I was nursing inappropriate desires in my heart as I had confirmed that she actually is a sister of my friend. This singular factor made approaching her in his presence, inappropriate. Worst still, desiring her for anything other than friendship was going to be frowned upon by everyone, sincerely I wanted more. Somehow I got her number without compromising any principle of decorum as social network sites were there for accessing information on whoever you wanted to. We got talking and have been enjoying the compliment of each other’s company ever since. Then came this day, I was at my friend’s place again and somehow, my friend saw my blackberry messenger conversation with his sister and he went ballistic. I tried to calm him down by stating that my intentions where noble but he went on and on about how my intentions adds up to nothing but hurt and heartbreak for his sis……
This incident really hurt me and had me thinking. One of the most uttered quotes is: ‘change is the only constant thing in life’. To what extent we believe this quote, I don’t know. What I know is that we fail to acknowledge the potency of the power of change and how it remakes the character over time. Friends and family alike never cease to express their surprise at new traits we exhibit when they see us again after a long period of us being out of touch with them, like we are supposed to be the same person we were 5 or so years ago.
When the issue of reputation, antecedents, and repertoire come up, nobody ever considers that over time one might have changed. This takes us to the subject of ‘redemption’. From the biblical perspective, we are encouraged to embrace redemption with the assurance that our sins will be not only forgiven, but also forgotten. That’s a hell of an offer if you ask me, considering the sharp contrast of the secular system of justice where prior offences are recorded so they can resurface when one errs again. This might lead you to ask, is redemption a lofty pursuit outside the religious context? What is the essence of redemption then? In my opinion, embracing redemption is not to undo your past, neither is it to make a point. It is for one’s self/sake. A spiritual healing process, and a reflection of growth. How long shall we continue to fail in acknowledging the beauty of the swan because sometime back it was an ugly duckling???