Shout out to @hahishaa for inspiring me to write for this medium again. The last one year has been an exciting one with a lot of ups and downs that will make even an elevator operator dizzy. Over that period, I’ve had reason to feel the various emotions known to man but through it all one thing has remained the same and that is my resolve.
I’m still on the quest for perfection and I know most would consider that a lofty pursuit but what can we do but try. I can easily write one of those “20 something things for something” piece like I did when I turned 25 but then I’d rather not cause my intent transcends the need to come off as being intelligent. This here is inspired by the conviction I have that this generation, my generation, is yet to live up to its full potential.
A lot of today’s youths conceive big dreams without an idea of how they want to bring it to fruition. We have no regards for due process neither do we have the discipline required to follow through on most of our aspirations. I’ll explain the later in due course. Money is the yardstick for measuring success these days and what that has caused is that little emphasis is placed on value and since it’s not on demand, it’s at an all time low.
Looking around these days, one will be amazed by the number of CEOs out there, most of who should still be interns under a more experienced boss. There are the guys that talk more about hustle rather than hustle. We have set unrealistic standards for ourselves and this has made us lose touch with what is important and what is real. We really need to get back to the basics.
If something is wrong with our generation, the fault is not totally ours. We have just developed into what we were raised to become. The bulk of what we know and what is wrong with us were passed down to us by those before us. Having said that, the onus is on us to correct the anomaly so our children and children’s children, won’t pick up from where we left off.
Personally, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not perfect. Once upon a time in my life, I was a serious screw up. People that knew me back then can tell. It took fucking things up extremely to get my act together again and I’m still doing that right now. My mum used to tell me that what I didn't understand back then will be revealed to me over time.
It’s ok to fuck up but it’s a crime to stay a fuck up. It’s ok to not have a big dream and instead have a penchant for helping others fulfill their dreams. It’s ok to be lacking in material substance but make up for it in potential and good character. It’s ok to be different and unique rather than conform and join the band wagon. It’s ok to stay true to one’s self and have a strong sense of personal identity rather than indulge in self deceit.
A wise man once told me, “it’s better to own 1% of 1 billion naira rather than own 100% of 1 million naira.
We all have to gravitate towards a state of collective consciousness.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
WHICH IS IT?
My mind is the battle ground between the forces (thoughts) of good and evil. The battle is one that has been on-going since I developed the ability to comprehend, at say 4 years old. The truth is that ‘good’ has legitimate claims to my mind because being good is in every man’s (and woman’s) essence as at when created. Evil first infiltrates the mind of an individual through the genes of the parents, if science’s theories are anything to go by.
The challenge of discerning how to balance one’s act so as to be adjudged ‘good’ by general consensus is made stiffer by the fact that outside religious and to an extent, cultural contexts, there is really no parameters to measure the level of good or evil of an entity, save for morals. However, morals as a parameter for measuring good and evil, is not definite as there are certain situations where morals contradicts itself. This is aside the fact that moral as a word has a minimum of 5 definitions in the dictionary.
Religion and culture cannot be considered adequate parameters for judging good and evil because they cater to a select few that subscribe to the beliefs and are not uniform in all cases. How then do I figure out who is winning this battle for my mind?
The first real memory I have of wrong doing, is being influenced by an older cousin to go into my mum’s purse to bring him some money. As a reward for doing that, he would then give me a minute percentage of this money, just enough to buy myself a couple of toy cars and candy during lunch break at school. I was only 5 years old at the time and I thought it fun and games until the day our scheme was detected. Before that, I remember being fond of a distant relative of ours who was at least 12 years older than I was because she always did some things to my body that made a sweet sensation surge through my body. I was only 4 years old at the time and so, when she wasn’t around, I tried to re enact this feeling by doing to my sit mate at school, what she (my relative) did to me.
As a result of my experiences some of which I shared above, I would have concluded that time and knowledge are the agents of evil, if I didn’t know better. But still, have you ever wondered why certain leaders like Mugabe, Mubarak, and Gadaffi to name a few, were once celebrated as liberators by their people, only to become tyrants after sometime? One thing is for sure, time corrodes values. How else do you explain this phenomenon?
Since we are all subject to time, is the battle between good and evil a lost cause? Are we destined to be bad? The truth is that life is not in black and white and as such, we can’t just assign behaviors and characters, the good or bad label. I have always proposed that before we judge why someone does what they do, we have to understand why they do what they do. A lot of people go about doing stuffs that we might judge as being evil but in their hearts, they are doing good judging by their own value system. This takes us back to the problem of how to discern good from evil. A lot of manipulations are ongoing because everyone is looking out for their own interests. The media, education, politics, and even religion are all instruments for manipulation and via these channels; ideas are forced down on us.
What we need is selflessness first (love). More importantly, we need to attain a state of collective consciousness as only by collective resistance, can we fight against these manipulations. I have tried on my own and have failed every now and again, as I’m sure a lot others have experienced too so, Which is it, good or evil? I choose good.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
LOVE: THE BIGGER PICTURE
Despite the fact that Love is the most rampant phenomenon we as humans have experienced since the beginning of time, understanding it as a subject or better still as a concept is at a bare minimum. Ask around what the meaning of Love is and you’ll get responses that range from fickle to shallow to absurd. This makes one to wonder if people really understand what Love means. From an academic/religious view point, Love has been broken into different categories based on the definition of the situation (relationship between the personalities) surrounding the use of the word. My definition of Love, which I’ll state below, encompasses whatever situation one might apply the word to. For me, “Love is a positive feeling, an affinity towards something or someone, which goes out of you to the person without the expectation that it would be reciprocated (You don’t expect that shoe you love to love you back do you? Do you as a mother expect your infant child to love you in return as a criterion for loving it?). You give it because it makes you feel healthy and strong. Take note that the scary, crazy, vulnerable feeling most people attribute to Love really is not. It’s just the need to be loved.
For the purpose of this article, I’ll be examining the type of Love that exists between man and woman. Being the avid romantic that I am, I hope reading this article when posted, will help somebody somewhere Love and be loved better. The issues which will be addressed are the prevalent problems that have given people a wrong perception of Love. As a result of the fact that there is no authority on the subject of Love, real life experiences will be sighted as instances and hopefully you’ll comment wherever you disagree after reading. That said, let’s examine 2 situations that usually lead to the breaking up of a Love relationship and the resulting question that’s common to most break-ups; Why?
CHEATING
Next to falling in Love, cheating is the most frequent occurrence of modern day. You find both sexes pointing an accusing finger at the other without taking into consideration the role they’ve both played in the creation of this vicious cycle. The origin of cheating and the resolve to cheat can be traced back to the first sour experience an individual has with rejection or as the case maybe, Love-gone-wrong. Two things I’ll try to do whilst addressing this subject are; avoid generalization and make my theories sexually neutral (neither male nor female).
As stated above, one of the reasons why people cheat is the rejection or being taken for granted which they experienced after professing their love for another. They are scarred by this experience and though they recover, they never get over it and so they vow never to end up in such a situation again. So they cheat to assure themselves that they are on top of the situation and in the cases where one wonder why the partner cheated with someone below their standards, it’s because they(the partner) feel safer and reckon they can’t get hurt by so doing. Despite this, they still get hurt, sometimes.
Selfishness is another reason why people cheat. You have a good thing going with your partner but by circumstances of your own design or not as the case may be, you find yourself in a compromising situation and despite the better judgment of your mind, you decide to go ahead with the rendezvous because you felt like it in that moment without considering how this would make your partner feel if they knew about it. Every other reason why people cheat is somewhat related to selfishness however you choose to look at. For instance, you cheat with someone that’s more financially endowed than your partner is for what reason? To send your partner the cheque? I seriously doubt it. If only we can look beyond ourselves and neediness, and for a minute consider the other, we will be able to resist the urge to, regardless of how great the temptation is.
As a result of these experiences, stereotyping sets in without exclusion of the percentage few that are actually getting it right. This is done whilst forgetting the role either gender has played in the creation of this vicious cycle.
LACK OF FULFILMENT
The other reason why relationships go wrong is a lack of fulfillment. A typical notion that causes lack of fulfillment is the belief that one’s partner should be responsible for one’s happiness. This is a wrong notion because the only person that should be responsible for making you happy is you yourself. Another factor that causes a lack of fulfillment is the expectation that your partner will always meet your needs. This also is impossible because a relationship consists of 2 people who are constantly evolving by the minute.
However, the partner might want to meet the needs and still not know how to. Rather than teach them how to, selfishness rears its ugly head again and you decide to seek greener pastures forgetting how green where you are can be if you can put in work. All this because you are so into yourself and think you are fantastic when in reality, you are not. No one is. This phenomenon can either lead to cheating or outright dissolution of the relationship depending on the whole circumstance.
These reasons above are the basis for some myths which are prevalent and have further contorted the perception people have about Love. Some of these myths have been mentioned because of how they have affected the way people approach the subject of Love.
Assuming all of the above have played out and the relationship is at a point of no repair, both partners part ways. It has been said that if you were in a relationship with a lady for 1 year and she breaks it off, she spent the last 3 months of the relationship preparing herself for the break up. On the other hand, it is believed that men break up first and try to get over the relationship after.
There’s this myth about women wanting what they can’t have. This probably is the origin of other myths like women don’t want to be treated nice, and she always wants the guy that doesn’t give her attention. Are we saying a woman can’t have a guy treat her nice, give her attention and still love her? Then there’s the one about people not wanting to live in reality and as such would rather not be told the truth. In that case it’s okay to lie right?
What these myths have done is to subtly influence how both sexes approach the subject of love. So you find a lady unwilling to let go of a cheating partner who apparently doesn’t have any feeling for her. And whilst she’s holding on rationalizing, she passes off all the other good guys that might love and treat her better. The guys on the other hand treat their women ill because of the myth that states that putting a woman on a pedestal will only make her take him for granted. He cheats with other women because of the myth that suggests that a lady seeing you with other women makes her want you more.
Having said all that, what do you think her unwillingness to let go, tells a cheating partner about these myths? Think about all the guys that know of her situation with the cheating partner, who have shown their genuine interest and affection towards her and have been taken for granted. What will they think of these myths? Can someone tell these people that Love is not a game and as such can’t be played by rules? Somebody said that ‘ambivalence is a powerful aphrodisiac’, I looked at the person and felt sorry for them.
Everyone deserves to Love and be loved. 1John4vs8 states that “He (and she) who does not Love does not know God for God is Love”. So I’ll end this with the subject of marriage. That bible verse, which is the most succinct verse about Love in the oldest book known to man, does not mention marriage once. If people have married for wrong reasons such as money, fame or because of loneliness and boredom, then marriage is not representative of Love. Let’s not put ourselves under the pressure of time and become insecure in the process. Let us take time to nurture our Love.
This piece is inspired by all the beautiful souls on the quest to find true love (I am one of them).
For the purpose of this article, I’ll be examining the type of Love that exists between man and woman. Being the avid romantic that I am, I hope reading this article when posted, will help somebody somewhere Love and be loved better. The issues which will be addressed are the prevalent problems that have given people a wrong perception of Love. As a result of the fact that there is no authority on the subject of Love, real life experiences will be sighted as instances and hopefully you’ll comment wherever you disagree after reading. That said, let’s examine 2 situations that usually lead to the breaking up of a Love relationship and the resulting question that’s common to most break-ups; Why?
CHEATING
Next to falling in Love, cheating is the most frequent occurrence of modern day. You find both sexes pointing an accusing finger at the other without taking into consideration the role they’ve both played in the creation of this vicious cycle. The origin of cheating and the resolve to cheat can be traced back to the first sour experience an individual has with rejection or as the case maybe, Love-gone-wrong. Two things I’ll try to do whilst addressing this subject are; avoid generalization and make my theories sexually neutral (neither male nor female).
As stated above, one of the reasons why people cheat is the rejection or being taken for granted which they experienced after professing their love for another. They are scarred by this experience and though they recover, they never get over it and so they vow never to end up in such a situation again. So they cheat to assure themselves that they are on top of the situation and in the cases where one wonder why the partner cheated with someone below their standards, it’s because they(the partner) feel safer and reckon they can’t get hurt by so doing. Despite this, they still get hurt, sometimes.
Selfishness is another reason why people cheat. You have a good thing going with your partner but by circumstances of your own design or not as the case may be, you find yourself in a compromising situation and despite the better judgment of your mind, you decide to go ahead with the rendezvous because you felt like it in that moment without considering how this would make your partner feel if they knew about it. Every other reason why people cheat is somewhat related to selfishness however you choose to look at. For instance, you cheat with someone that’s more financially endowed than your partner is for what reason? To send your partner the cheque? I seriously doubt it. If only we can look beyond ourselves and neediness, and for a minute consider the other, we will be able to resist the urge to, regardless of how great the temptation is.
As a result of these experiences, stereotyping sets in without exclusion of the percentage few that are actually getting it right. This is done whilst forgetting the role either gender has played in the creation of this vicious cycle.
LACK OF FULFILMENT
The other reason why relationships go wrong is a lack of fulfillment. A typical notion that causes lack of fulfillment is the belief that one’s partner should be responsible for one’s happiness. This is a wrong notion because the only person that should be responsible for making you happy is you yourself. Another factor that causes a lack of fulfillment is the expectation that your partner will always meet your needs. This also is impossible because a relationship consists of 2 people who are constantly evolving by the minute.
However, the partner might want to meet the needs and still not know how to. Rather than teach them how to, selfishness rears its ugly head again and you decide to seek greener pastures forgetting how green where you are can be if you can put in work. All this because you are so into yourself and think you are fantastic when in reality, you are not. No one is. This phenomenon can either lead to cheating or outright dissolution of the relationship depending on the whole circumstance.
These reasons above are the basis for some myths which are prevalent and have further contorted the perception people have about Love. Some of these myths have been mentioned because of how they have affected the way people approach the subject of Love.
Assuming all of the above have played out and the relationship is at a point of no repair, both partners part ways. It has been said that if you were in a relationship with a lady for 1 year and she breaks it off, she spent the last 3 months of the relationship preparing herself for the break up. On the other hand, it is believed that men break up first and try to get over the relationship after.
There’s this myth about women wanting what they can’t have. This probably is the origin of other myths like women don’t want to be treated nice, and she always wants the guy that doesn’t give her attention. Are we saying a woman can’t have a guy treat her nice, give her attention and still love her? Then there’s the one about people not wanting to live in reality and as such would rather not be told the truth. In that case it’s okay to lie right?
What these myths have done is to subtly influence how both sexes approach the subject of love. So you find a lady unwilling to let go of a cheating partner who apparently doesn’t have any feeling for her. And whilst she’s holding on rationalizing, she passes off all the other good guys that might love and treat her better. The guys on the other hand treat their women ill because of the myth that states that putting a woman on a pedestal will only make her take him for granted. He cheats with other women because of the myth that suggests that a lady seeing you with other women makes her want you more.
Having said all that, what do you think her unwillingness to let go, tells a cheating partner about these myths? Think about all the guys that know of her situation with the cheating partner, who have shown their genuine interest and affection towards her and have been taken for granted. What will they think of these myths? Can someone tell these people that Love is not a game and as such can’t be played by rules? Somebody said that ‘ambivalence is a powerful aphrodisiac’, I looked at the person and felt sorry for them.
Everyone deserves to Love and be loved. 1John4vs8 states that “He (and she) who does not Love does not know God for God is Love”. So I’ll end this with the subject of marriage. That bible verse, which is the most succinct verse about Love in the oldest book known to man, does not mention marriage once. If people have married for wrong reasons such as money, fame or because of loneliness and boredom, then marriage is not representative of Love. Let’s not put ourselves under the pressure of time and become insecure in the process. Let us take time to nurture our Love.
This piece is inspired by all the beautiful souls on the quest to find true love (I am one of them).
Thursday, July 12, 2012
REFLECTIONS
Where do I go from here? Today was a good day. She (a client) uncharacteristically paid me a compliment to my face saying I’m actually good at my job. That felt good but not as good as Forbes coming to do the interview. My boss was pissed that I didn’t come to see him as I was supposed to. Don’t know why he’s mad when I’ve been busy slaving for the firm. After all he’s going to be the one to cash the cheque which the client will issue for our retainer. That didn’t get me pissed though, goes to show I’m a valuable asset.
So I’m back in my room at home relaxing, reflecting on the day, and assessing where I am with my career and existence. I feel restless for no particular reason. It’s not even about the feeling I’ve been having lately neither is it about anything that’s been happening lately. I can’t even figure out what it is but I just feel like I’m been sucked up by this gloom that’s spreading around me like mist at dawn.
I turn on my media player but none of the usual numbers is doing it for me. I flick through the Hip Hop, RnB and then Pop catalogues but I’m not feeling anything. I finally settle for Bilal’s ‘Air Tights Revenge’, an unusual choice. Maybe I’ll write it off, and that I’m trying to do right now.
It’s not depression because I’m not sad. It feels more like anxiety, remember I said restless earlier. I’m just aching for some action. Maybe if I work tirelessly and relentlessly I’ll be able to recover for those years I wasted on frivolities. Thank God I got this job. I always knew I have the potential; I never just got the opportunity to put it to use. Maybe because I didn’t try enough back then or probably because I didn’t see the urgency.
Well now I’ve got the opportunity and I intend doing more than enough to ensure I get the renown and pay that’s commensurate with my skill and potentials. I just want to be successful but what’s success without financial security?
This is my path to redemption and I intend getting there. So many things I know but wish I can un-know. I have no regrets for how I’ve lived so far, rather I have learnt from my mistakes. Jarnli says I’m so smart for my age. What she doesn’t realize is that you don’t make as much mistakes as I have and not take something from all of those mistakes.
Undoing knowing the no-do- good people is the easiest part. I’m not even about to lower my defenses for the sake of validation and acceptance. At the end of the day, regardless of how many cool guys I have hanging around me; I’m still alone by myself. That’s not a new realization anyway, I’ve always known this since boarding school.
This journey of mine through life thus far has been one hell of a ride. So many ups and downs that life has turned out to be all the things they never taught one in class or in the books. I’ve come to realize that you play by the books to your own detriment. Oh! And those that always seem to have it figured out when it’s the subject of living a successful life, you have to avoid them. They do you more harm than good because usually what they tell you about life is not what they’ve tried and proved but what someone else did and succeeded with. If life was straight cut as they make it to be, might as well just teach how to apply and replicate the template in school.
After saying this much, one thing is sure and certain about life and that is this; nothing in life is sure and certain.
So I’m back in my room at home relaxing, reflecting on the day, and assessing where I am with my career and existence. I feel restless for no particular reason. It’s not even about the feeling I’ve been having lately neither is it about anything that’s been happening lately. I can’t even figure out what it is but I just feel like I’m been sucked up by this gloom that’s spreading around me like mist at dawn.
I turn on my media player but none of the usual numbers is doing it for me. I flick through the Hip Hop, RnB and then Pop catalogues but I’m not feeling anything. I finally settle for Bilal’s ‘Air Tights Revenge’, an unusual choice. Maybe I’ll write it off, and that I’m trying to do right now.
It’s not depression because I’m not sad. It feels more like anxiety, remember I said restless earlier. I’m just aching for some action. Maybe if I work tirelessly and relentlessly I’ll be able to recover for those years I wasted on frivolities. Thank God I got this job. I always knew I have the potential; I never just got the opportunity to put it to use. Maybe because I didn’t try enough back then or probably because I didn’t see the urgency.
Well now I’ve got the opportunity and I intend doing more than enough to ensure I get the renown and pay that’s commensurate with my skill and potentials. I just want to be successful but what’s success without financial security?
This is my path to redemption and I intend getting there. So many things I know but wish I can un-know. I have no regrets for how I’ve lived so far, rather I have learnt from my mistakes. Jarnli says I’m so smart for my age. What she doesn’t realize is that you don’t make as much mistakes as I have and not take something from all of those mistakes.
Undoing knowing the no-do- good people is the easiest part. I’m not even about to lower my defenses for the sake of validation and acceptance. At the end of the day, regardless of how many cool guys I have hanging around me; I’m still alone by myself. That’s not a new realization anyway, I’ve always known this since boarding school.
This journey of mine through life thus far has been one hell of a ride. So many ups and downs that life has turned out to be all the things they never taught one in class or in the books. I’ve come to realize that you play by the books to your own detriment. Oh! And those that always seem to have it figured out when it’s the subject of living a successful life, you have to avoid them. They do you more harm than good because usually what they tell you about life is not what they’ve tried and proved but what someone else did and succeeded with. If life was straight cut as they make it to be, might as well just teach how to apply and replicate the template in school.
After saying this much, one thing is sure and certain about life and that is this; nothing in life is sure and certain.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
NO! Love
I remember that night like it’s happening right now.
I’m at the store picking up something for dinner. I’m pretty excited at the prospect of us getting to do it after five days at her place and still ‘no action’. Well it’s not like there hasn’t been any action, it’s just that we never get past second base. The night before was the closest I got to nuggies, she wouldn’t let me to though as soon as I got my hand inside her panties, the kissing got more passionate and she moaned and writhed with pleasure. The moment I tried to mount, she lost whatever pleasure she was feeling and pushed me off. This left me disappointed.
Whilst lying down in the living room that night before, (she insisted on us sleeping in separate rooms ever since I got there) my conversation with Seun replayed in my mind. I had brought up the subjects of her blocking my moves and our sleeping arrangement the last time I met up with my friend Seun, who I believe has more experience when it comes to dealing with women. Something he said kept replaying in my mind as I lay on the couch. According to him, “Women in general love the dance……sometimes they want to test how long you can withstand the game. Besides, their ‘no’ usually means ‘yes’ but only a man with balls can discern this fact.”
Anyway, today is a new day and I’ve got a feeling tonight’s going to be a good night, so I thought that night. I have a plan to charm her with my thoughtfulness and sensitivity so I’m going to have dinner ready before she gets back from work. She probably might be saving the best for last, too, because she knows I’m leaving tomorrow. I mean, before last night, I didn’t go past second base and the first night I was here, she only let me kiss with strict instruction that should I fondle with any part of her body, I wouldn’t get anymore action. I’m making pasta and tuna sauce with extra spice. We’ll have this with the bottle of red wine and bucket of KFC I bought. I hope this proves to her that I’m paying attention and am willing to go all the way. So my thoughts were that night.
At a quarter past seven, dinner was finally ready. Guessing she’d be home very soon, I went ahead and set the table. Isn’t this romantic? What woman could resist this sort of treatment from the man she loves and whom she knows loves her without a doubt? I kept enthusing.
The night’s dinner was a romantic affair as we touched on the basis of our love all over again. Then came the night’s final agenda. We were on the couch, both barely clothed, watching TV when I made my move. I sleep in my boxer shorts so I had just that on and she had on a big tee shirt and her panties. We began making out and at some point I had her pinned to the couch. Despite her objection, I slid her panties to the side and released my manhood. Sensing what my intent was, she struggled frantically but her resistance couldn’t contend with my strength. Finally I penetrated and had my way. After the 3 minutes of craziness, the magnitude and implication of what I did finally dawned on me.
I lost her love and the comfort of her home that night because she threw me out.
Initially I thought she was just posturing by acting like I had really hurt and violated her but when I kept calling, trying to get across to her and she just kept blocking my moves and avoiding contact with me, I started realizing something. It’s true that there are some girls (some might call them teases) out there who will lead you on and send twisted messages across that will leave you wondering if they mean yes or no. What you don’t want to do is let it slip with the girl you ought to be with because you can’t discern the game type from the keep type.
She has since forgiven me but I’ve still never been able to get anywhere close to her. Some five years later I gave her a call during the yuletide holiday to wish her a happy new year in advance. At some point during the conversation, I said something like ‘I still love you and I want us to cultivate a relationship that can lead to the altar’. It was like an invitation for a predator to attack because she unleashed some venomous words on me. She reminded me of how I took advantage of her that fateful day and even questioned the guts I had to talk to her about love. This was five years after. Wow! She really must have meant that “NO!”
Date rape is a constant occurrence in every day Nigeria. The victims include young ladies and even house wives. These people never come forward to report the incidences because of the stigma attached to such occurrences. The society on its part condones such behaviors as the few cases that have been reported have been resolved with the perpetrators getting away with light punishments and in most cases they’ve been able to go unpunished. The punishment attached to this crime in the constitution is either not severe or the interpretation of the law is convoluted.
Date rape is a form of rape where the perpetrators and the victims are people that are familiar with themselves, usually they are lovers, friends, and in some cases married couples.
This piece is inspired by the sufferings of those that have had to endure the pain of being victims. Please speak out!!!
I’m at the store picking up something for dinner. I’m pretty excited at the prospect of us getting to do it after five days at her place and still ‘no action’. Well it’s not like there hasn’t been any action, it’s just that we never get past second base. The night before was the closest I got to nuggies, she wouldn’t let me to though as soon as I got my hand inside her panties, the kissing got more passionate and she moaned and writhed with pleasure. The moment I tried to mount, she lost whatever pleasure she was feeling and pushed me off. This left me disappointed.
Whilst lying down in the living room that night before, (she insisted on us sleeping in separate rooms ever since I got there) my conversation with Seun replayed in my mind. I had brought up the subjects of her blocking my moves and our sleeping arrangement the last time I met up with my friend Seun, who I believe has more experience when it comes to dealing with women. Something he said kept replaying in my mind as I lay on the couch. According to him, “Women in general love the dance……sometimes they want to test how long you can withstand the game. Besides, their ‘no’ usually means ‘yes’ but only a man with balls can discern this fact.”
Anyway, today is a new day and I’ve got a feeling tonight’s going to be a good night, so I thought that night. I have a plan to charm her with my thoughtfulness and sensitivity so I’m going to have dinner ready before she gets back from work. She probably might be saving the best for last, too, because she knows I’m leaving tomorrow. I mean, before last night, I didn’t go past second base and the first night I was here, she only let me kiss with strict instruction that should I fondle with any part of her body, I wouldn’t get anymore action. I’m making pasta and tuna sauce with extra spice. We’ll have this with the bottle of red wine and bucket of KFC I bought. I hope this proves to her that I’m paying attention and am willing to go all the way. So my thoughts were that night.
At a quarter past seven, dinner was finally ready. Guessing she’d be home very soon, I went ahead and set the table. Isn’t this romantic? What woman could resist this sort of treatment from the man she loves and whom she knows loves her without a doubt? I kept enthusing.
The night’s dinner was a romantic affair as we touched on the basis of our love all over again. Then came the night’s final agenda. We were on the couch, both barely clothed, watching TV when I made my move. I sleep in my boxer shorts so I had just that on and she had on a big tee shirt and her panties. We began making out and at some point I had her pinned to the couch. Despite her objection, I slid her panties to the side and released my manhood. Sensing what my intent was, she struggled frantically but her resistance couldn’t contend with my strength. Finally I penetrated and had my way. After the 3 minutes of craziness, the magnitude and implication of what I did finally dawned on me.
I lost her love and the comfort of her home that night because she threw me out.
Initially I thought she was just posturing by acting like I had really hurt and violated her but when I kept calling, trying to get across to her and she just kept blocking my moves and avoiding contact with me, I started realizing something. It’s true that there are some girls (some might call them teases) out there who will lead you on and send twisted messages across that will leave you wondering if they mean yes or no. What you don’t want to do is let it slip with the girl you ought to be with because you can’t discern the game type from the keep type.
She has since forgiven me but I’ve still never been able to get anywhere close to her. Some five years later I gave her a call during the yuletide holiday to wish her a happy new year in advance. At some point during the conversation, I said something like ‘I still love you and I want us to cultivate a relationship that can lead to the altar’. It was like an invitation for a predator to attack because she unleashed some venomous words on me. She reminded me of how I took advantage of her that fateful day and even questioned the guts I had to talk to her about love. This was five years after. Wow! She really must have meant that “NO!”
Date rape is a constant occurrence in every day Nigeria. The victims include young ladies and even house wives. These people never come forward to report the incidences because of the stigma attached to such occurrences. The society on its part condones such behaviors as the few cases that have been reported have been resolved with the perpetrators getting away with light punishments and in most cases they’ve been able to go unpunished. The punishment attached to this crime in the constitution is either not severe or the interpretation of the law is convoluted.
Date rape is a form of rape where the perpetrators and the victims are people that are familiar with themselves, usually they are lovers, friends, and in some cases married couples.
This piece is inspired by the sufferings of those that have had to endure the pain of being victims. Please speak out!!!
Monday, May 21, 2012
KEEP ON PUSHING!
The other day I was in a petty conversation with my neighbor (we do that often) when his countenance suddenly changed. He proceeded to ask me a question that seemed funny when it came out of his mouth. He asked, ‘Damy I go fit ever get fifty million naira of my own money? As in make I get fifty million for bank?’ He was looking at me in anticipation of a response so I paused for a few seconds to ponder what he just said. Being the dreamer that I am, I always try to motivate people around me regardless of the odds. Despite the fact that I know in summary what the economic landscape would look like for someone in his position, I responded in the affirmative and proceeded to point out the possibilities of that happening. My response was void of logic cause in reality the economics of his situation makes it almost unlikely that he ever will. Why you might ask. Let’s examine his scenario to find out.
This neighbor of mine is married with three kids. He is a plumber by profession and despite this he has his own car and his own house. He is sub 35 age wise, and he is barely educated. I doubt that he even has a schooling leaving certificate. Now his plumbing business to the best of my knowledge is a one man business. However he has about 3 or 4 employees in the form of apprentices who get paid stipends and who don’t have much experience in the field of endeavor. His clientele consists of mostly projects for residential buildings and repairs in some cases. Now let’s assume that once in a while he gets an office project, school project or a project other than residential. Bear in mind that he has no alternative source of income.
Since I really don’t know what his finance is like, let’s assume that his take home at the end of a regular month is 150 thousand naira after the running costs of the business has been deducted. Assuming also that after spending on the upkeep for his household he gets to save 20% of whatever he makes every month, how much will he have at the end of his life? Before you respond to that question, let’s factor in all the variables. He definitely won’t meet that number income-wise every month, some months he might make more and other months he might make less. The expenses for upkeep will never remain constant as it will always get higher as his kids grow older and there will always arise some unforeseen circumstance that will require extra spending. Ok. So how much will he have saved up when he is say 70 years?
A lot of us have a habit of analyzing our lives and everything that’s happening around us rather than getting on with living. If one is to dwell on the circumstances they find themselves in all the time, I doubt that there’ll ever be successful people talk less of achievers. Ask anyone who can be said to be successful if they ever knew they were going to be successful and when they foresaw it happening and hear what their responses would be. Some of them will respond that they didn’t see it happening, others that are confident in their ability like M.I Abaga will tell you that they knew it was going to happen, them being successful that is. One thing that’ll be constant with the responses you’ll get if you really go out to ask these people is this; no one amongst everyone you ask knew the very moment their breakthrough would come.
That said, shall we cease to live and exist cause the eventuality of our present circumstance is looking unlikely when compared to our desired end?
The decision to address this subject in the form of a blog article came to me whilst watching the celebration of Chelsea FC’s triumph in the champions league (take note that I’m an Arsenal FC fan) the moment particularly was when Roberto Di Matteo was leading the players up the podium to receive their winners’ medals. Freeze that frame right there!
Now Di Matteo is Chelsea’s caretaker coach, the guy that was brought in to handle things pending the time they resolve the issue of replacing their sacked coach. Did he just hold the position with the lackadaisical attitude that someone who knows they are just a stopgap and not the solution would? No! He went ahead and made things happen.
Last season he was coaching Westbromwich Albion in their battle for survival in the premiership, he succeeded at that but finally got axed mid season this time around after a series of bad results. The season before that, he was coaching the same team in the championship and succeeded in securing their promotion to the premiership, the season before that he was coaching a team in the third tier of English football. Today he has joined the elite rank of coaches who have won the champion’s league. Did he see this happening under this circumstance? NO! If anyone was to examine and analyze his situation some three months earlier, or even when he assumed the post of interim coach, would they have foreseen this outcome? NO! Take note that he is the most successful coach in England this season for doing the double (FA cup and Champions league).
I doubt that you need me to break down the moral of this one to you but just in case you need me to, here it is. Your present situation is the prelude to a better after now regardless of how long or how bleak it looks like. What you can do when it seems you’re in a situation you can’t control is to control yourself. Stay focused on your goal, work hard towards improving your person in all ramifications and above all BELIEVE. The truth is that all of those successful people believed they would succeed even though they were often time surrounded by circumstances that casted uncertainties on their aspirations. If Di Matteo can do it, and my neighbor who I know will surely do it does too, why can’t you? Keep on pushing!
p.s. you might want to listen to track 11 off 2Face’s new album ‘Away&Beyond’ titled ‘Keep on pushing’. God bless your Hustle this week and forever.
This neighbor of mine is married with three kids. He is a plumber by profession and despite this he has his own car and his own house. He is sub 35 age wise, and he is barely educated. I doubt that he even has a schooling leaving certificate. Now his plumbing business to the best of my knowledge is a one man business. However he has about 3 or 4 employees in the form of apprentices who get paid stipends and who don’t have much experience in the field of endeavor. His clientele consists of mostly projects for residential buildings and repairs in some cases. Now let’s assume that once in a while he gets an office project, school project or a project other than residential. Bear in mind that he has no alternative source of income.
Since I really don’t know what his finance is like, let’s assume that his take home at the end of a regular month is 150 thousand naira after the running costs of the business has been deducted. Assuming also that after spending on the upkeep for his household he gets to save 20% of whatever he makes every month, how much will he have at the end of his life? Before you respond to that question, let’s factor in all the variables. He definitely won’t meet that number income-wise every month, some months he might make more and other months he might make less. The expenses for upkeep will never remain constant as it will always get higher as his kids grow older and there will always arise some unforeseen circumstance that will require extra spending. Ok. So how much will he have saved up when he is say 70 years?
A lot of us have a habit of analyzing our lives and everything that’s happening around us rather than getting on with living. If one is to dwell on the circumstances they find themselves in all the time, I doubt that there’ll ever be successful people talk less of achievers. Ask anyone who can be said to be successful if they ever knew they were going to be successful and when they foresaw it happening and hear what their responses would be. Some of them will respond that they didn’t see it happening, others that are confident in their ability like M.I Abaga will tell you that they knew it was going to happen, them being successful that is. One thing that’ll be constant with the responses you’ll get if you really go out to ask these people is this; no one amongst everyone you ask knew the very moment their breakthrough would come.
That said, shall we cease to live and exist cause the eventuality of our present circumstance is looking unlikely when compared to our desired end?
The decision to address this subject in the form of a blog article came to me whilst watching the celebration of Chelsea FC’s triumph in the champions league (take note that I’m an Arsenal FC fan) the moment particularly was when Roberto Di Matteo was leading the players up the podium to receive their winners’ medals. Freeze that frame right there!
Now Di Matteo is Chelsea’s caretaker coach, the guy that was brought in to handle things pending the time they resolve the issue of replacing their sacked coach. Did he just hold the position with the lackadaisical attitude that someone who knows they are just a stopgap and not the solution would? No! He went ahead and made things happen.
Last season he was coaching Westbromwich Albion in their battle for survival in the premiership, he succeeded at that but finally got axed mid season this time around after a series of bad results. The season before that, he was coaching the same team in the championship and succeeded in securing their promotion to the premiership, the season before that he was coaching a team in the third tier of English football. Today he has joined the elite rank of coaches who have won the champion’s league. Did he see this happening under this circumstance? NO! If anyone was to examine and analyze his situation some three months earlier, or even when he assumed the post of interim coach, would they have foreseen this outcome? NO! Take note that he is the most successful coach in England this season for doing the double (FA cup and Champions league).
I doubt that you need me to break down the moral of this one to you but just in case you need me to, here it is. Your present situation is the prelude to a better after now regardless of how long or how bleak it looks like. What you can do when it seems you’re in a situation you can’t control is to control yourself. Stay focused on your goal, work hard towards improving your person in all ramifications and above all BELIEVE. The truth is that all of those successful people believed they would succeed even though they were often time surrounded by circumstances that casted uncertainties on their aspirations. If Di Matteo can do it, and my neighbor who I know will surely do it does too, why can’t you? Keep on pushing!
p.s. you might want to listen to track 11 off 2Face’s new album ‘Away&Beyond’ titled ‘Keep on pushing’. God bless your Hustle this week and forever.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Gomorrah
This piece is inspired by the way of living of residents of the Shitta Housing Project, somewhere in Surulere. It is a creative approach to portraying their ways of life without passing judgement. There is no direct reference to any one individual personality and it is a reflection from the point of view of a cannabis user who visits there on a regular. why i felt the need to write this, i don't know. But someone needs to tell their story.
So much buzz around that I’m starting to think I’m in a bee hive.
Everybody is moving around with no destination in mind.
So much fuss about stuff like it’s the real deal
But it’s nothing but another episode in the ‘series’ called same old shit
Rumors spread within the community like some STD
And the chances of catching the virus becomes likely if you’re into the numbers (baba ijebu)
When it’s done, you’re going to need a healthy dose of whatever you get your release off.
Look around and see the right acts on the wrong scene.
This is a city that takes no prisoners except for those that get hooked on you know what.
We’re all keeping appearances, acting like we’ve got something good going.
The sons are peddlers, urchins or opportunists. The daughters sleep during the day and work at night.
They all switch roles with their parents by the time they turn 18.
Small clusters of people toasting to a fellowship that has yielded nothing but ‘hang over’
And with the multitude around, you won’t believe you are by yourself until shit hits the fence.
You’re yearning for acceptance from those around you who are looking at you with alarm on their faces.
They want out of what you’re trying to get into hence the expression on their faces
You have what they crave but soon it would be had
Presence is hardly missed like a good student, save for that of the dealer.
Whilst you are making yourself indispensable, your replacement is being groomed around the corner.
Before you know it, you’re lost like a dog on a green trail waiting for the hunter’s whistling which would never come.
A Sunday day turns grey in the long run and leaves you wondering why it always rains in your space.
Substance abuse puts you on the path of depression.
You are running away from your problems but the escape route is laid with quick sand
An induction of another destitute-to-be makes the survival statistics harsh
Outside seems too dull, the deafening noise of your surrounding clouds your awareness leaving your judgment impaired.
If chance is not doing you any favors you’re free to check out but would you?
Welcome to GOMORRAH; enjoy your stay for a while till the heat gets amplified if you don’t know when to check out of this mean hell’s kitchen.
So much buzz around that I’m starting to think I’m in a bee hive.
Everybody is moving around with no destination in mind.
So much fuss about stuff like it’s the real deal
But it’s nothing but another episode in the ‘series’ called same old shit
Rumors spread within the community like some STD
And the chances of catching the virus becomes likely if you’re into the numbers (baba ijebu)
When it’s done, you’re going to need a healthy dose of whatever you get your release off.
Look around and see the right acts on the wrong scene.
This is a city that takes no prisoners except for those that get hooked on you know what.
We’re all keeping appearances, acting like we’ve got something good going.
The sons are peddlers, urchins or opportunists. The daughters sleep during the day and work at night.
They all switch roles with their parents by the time they turn 18.
Small clusters of people toasting to a fellowship that has yielded nothing but ‘hang over’
And with the multitude around, you won’t believe you are by yourself until shit hits the fence.
You’re yearning for acceptance from those around you who are looking at you with alarm on their faces.
They want out of what you’re trying to get into hence the expression on their faces
You have what they crave but soon it would be had
Presence is hardly missed like a good student, save for that of the dealer.
Whilst you are making yourself indispensable, your replacement is being groomed around the corner.
Before you know it, you’re lost like a dog on a green trail waiting for the hunter’s whistling which would never come.
A Sunday day turns grey in the long run and leaves you wondering why it always rains in your space.
Substance abuse puts you on the path of depression.
You are running away from your problems but the escape route is laid with quick sand
An induction of another destitute-to-be makes the survival statistics harsh
Outside seems too dull, the deafening noise of your surrounding clouds your awareness leaving your judgment impaired.
If chance is not doing you any favors you’re free to check out but would you?
Welcome to GOMORRAH; enjoy your stay for a while till the heat gets amplified if you don’t know when to check out of this mean hell’s kitchen.
MY NEW REALITY
It’s been what? 5 months since I last posted a blog article and I’m sure some of ‘them’ (we all know them) must have been snickering behind my back, educating others on how they (them) always knew I was a fluke. When I set out in January 2011 to really be dedicated to blogging, I never believed the intent behind that decision will be achieved 7 months later neither did I even imagine that the last blog entry will be on the subject it was about.
I didn’t run out of words to put together and give to you in the form of articles. What I’ve always prayed for and got is what has kept me away from hanging out with you via the blog. The last 8months, I’ve been living my dream and except for some minute details I never would have known back when I was dreaming; every other thing has been lovely. I feel blessed to have been able to live a part of the dream and at this rate the dream just keeps being lived, not by a dream snatcher but by the dreamer, myself. So from now, feel free to call me ‘the dreamer’.
I know sometimes when you read my articles, you all wonder why this boy (the Dreamer) always talk like he is an authority on the subject of healthy existential living. I’m not an authority on the subject but I’m an encyclopedia of diverse life experiences which gives me an understanding of a lot of life issues. I’ve come to realize that the wisest men are the most foolish. Ask, ‘why?’ the route they have taken or they take to arrive at the knowledge that makes them wise (am I saying I’m a wise guy?)
So 3 paragraphs on and I’ve still not hinted on what I’ve been doing this whole while that has kept from blogging and at the same time made me feel lucky (by virtue of me living my dream). You won’t believe it but it’s……….work x_x. You know that saying about ‘how God brings some people into your life for a purpose’ and that other one about ‘God sending people and not spirits or angels to your rescue’? I’m a living testament to both these wise cracks. There’s this girl I met sometime in 2006 and we finally really started hanging out in 2009, let’s call her Chigo. She was the bridge that was to transport me from my dream into my reality. It took 2 years for her to actualize this purpose though she didn’t even know what her mission was in my life.
I started hanging out with Chigo in 2009 like I said and some 6 months later, I was in love or so I thought. Whilst I was busy ‘toasting’ and chasing Chigo about thinking she was the angel assigned to make me love again, I totally skipped the detail. It wasn’t my negligence though, I guess the time just wasn’t right. Anyways somehow somehow, Chigo fulfilled her part in the movie called my life and I doubt that she’ll be playing a role anymore, at least not a prominent one. She got me the connect that turned my dreams into reality. The dream; as a result of my passions, music especially and literature to a larger extent, I always looked up to a certain group of people. These guys, I grew up reading about and familiarizing with via their works. I won’t throw names around to impress you but I work for one of them, have met two, no three? Even four of the others through the job sef.
What I just realized whilst writing this is that, had I met this guy earlier than I did, I definitely wouldn’t have been able to hold it down. See I used to be a cocky and heady F’er. A series of experience actually broke me down completely for God to remold. Ask anyone that knows me from back then, I was the ‘mother of motherfuckers’. The first lesson in my remodeling was some school issue, and then in October 1st, 2010 I had an experience I’ve never shared with anyone. I was using myself as a specimen, checking out the reaction of simultaneous application of stimulant (coca cola) and depressant (ganja plus codeine) on my body. 30 minutes later, a mild case of heart attack was the result. The next phase of my remodeling was in January 2011. I traveled out (to Cotonou lol!) and whilst away, I started experimenting with some controlled substance. This fucked my mind up for a while and rendered me timid as I wasn’t sure of myself anymore.
All these experiences catalyzed the change but the crowning moment was October 2011. I had been looking forward to my dad’s return cause I love and missed him but also because he was bringing me a new phone (BB) which I badly needed as the one I had prior to then had packed up. 9 days after he arrived, he died (I know, not again abi?). All of these occurrences have influenced in bits, my new approach to life. Your life (myself included) is not yours to do as you like with, use it well cause when the owner returns, you’ll have to account for every second of it (time is the unit of life right?). God help us all!! ‘What’s reality if you never get to live it?’
I didn’t run out of words to put together and give to you in the form of articles. What I’ve always prayed for and got is what has kept me away from hanging out with you via the blog. The last 8months, I’ve been living my dream and except for some minute details I never would have known back when I was dreaming; every other thing has been lovely. I feel blessed to have been able to live a part of the dream and at this rate the dream just keeps being lived, not by a dream snatcher but by the dreamer, myself. So from now, feel free to call me ‘the dreamer’.
I know sometimes when you read my articles, you all wonder why this boy (the Dreamer) always talk like he is an authority on the subject of healthy existential living. I’m not an authority on the subject but I’m an encyclopedia of diverse life experiences which gives me an understanding of a lot of life issues. I’ve come to realize that the wisest men are the most foolish. Ask, ‘why?’ the route they have taken or they take to arrive at the knowledge that makes them wise (am I saying I’m a wise guy?)
So 3 paragraphs on and I’ve still not hinted on what I’ve been doing this whole while that has kept from blogging and at the same time made me feel lucky (by virtue of me living my dream). You won’t believe it but it’s……….work x_x. You know that saying about ‘how God brings some people into your life for a purpose’ and that other one about ‘God sending people and not spirits or angels to your rescue’? I’m a living testament to both these wise cracks. There’s this girl I met sometime in 2006 and we finally really started hanging out in 2009, let’s call her Chigo. She was the bridge that was to transport me from my dream into my reality. It took 2 years for her to actualize this purpose though she didn’t even know what her mission was in my life.
I started hanging out with Chigo in 2009 like I said and some 6 months later, I was in love or so I thought. Whilst I was busy ‘toasting’ and chasing Chigo about thinking she was the angel assigned to make me love again, I totally skipped the detail. It wasn’t my negligence though, I guess the time just wasn’t right. Anyways somehow somehow, Chigo fulfilled her part in the movie called my life and I doubt that she’ll be playing a role anymore, at least not a prominent one. She got me the connect that turned my dreams into reality. The dream; as a result of my passions, music especially and literature to a larger extent, I always looked up to a certain group of people. These guys, I grew up reading about and familiarizing with via their works. I won’t throw names around to impress you but I work for one of them, have met two, no three? Even four of the others through the job sef.
What I just realized whilst writing this is that, had I met this guy earlier than I did, I definitely wouldn’t have been able to hold it down. See I used to be a cocky and heady F’er. A series of experience actually broke me down completely for God to remold. Ask anyone that knows me from back then, I was the ‘mother of motherfuckers’. The first lesson in my remodeling was some school issue, and then in October 1st, 2010 I had an experience I’ve never shared with anyone. I was using myself as a specimen, checking out the reaction of simultaneous application of stimulant (coca cola) and depressant (ganja plus codeine) on my body. 30 minutes later, a mild case of heart attack was the result. The next phase of my remodeling was in January 2011. I traveled out (to Cotonou lol!) and whilst away, I started experimenting with some controlled substance. This fucked my mind up for a while and rendered me timid as I wasn’t sure of myself anymore.
All these experiences catalyzed the change but the crowning moment was October 2011. I had been looking forward to my dad’s return cause I love and missed him but also because he was bringing me a new phone (BB) which I badly needed as the one I had prior to then had packed up. 9 days after he arrived, he died (I know, not again abi?). All of these occurrences have influenced in bits, my new approach to life. Your life (myself included) is not yours to do as you like with, use it well cause when the owner returns, you’ll have to account for every second of it (time is the unit of life right?). God help us all!! ‘What’s reality if you never get to live it?’
Thursday, November 10, 2011
A TRIBUTE TO MY PAPA
Daddy was a miracle, so said the doctors and nurses at the hospital where he had been receiving chemotherapy treatments in Canada, diagnosis revealed that he had leukemia. God finally had mercy on him and called Dad to His place of rest on the 13th of October 2011, a year after he was first diagnosed with the disease. Dad was 51 at the time of his death; he had studied finance at Indiana state university and proceeded to work at some notable establishments including Macy stores, New York. He is survived by his wife, we the kids (3 of us), friends and family, and NO enemy.
Dad was a lover and a fighter. He loved his family and friends so much, he always tried to carry everyone along even when it wasn’t so convenient for him to. Dad had to fight for every good thing he had in life. He always told us that he didn’t want us, his kids to go through the type of suffering he had to withstand. I remember a particular story he told me one time, about how he used to wait back in the university library, to copy complete text books into notebooks because he couldn’t afford to own them outrightly. He recalled the first winter he experienced as a freshman at Indiana state university. How his toes would go numb from chill because his budget made winter boots a luxury he couldn’t afford. Dad fought the disease in his veins with every ounce of strength he had till God decided it was time for him to rest.
Dad was a perfect gentleman. From his grooming, to his manners and disposition, Dad was the poster boy for ‘perfect gentleman’. His lover for so many years, Mum can testify to this. Despite the fact that they have their differences and misunderstandings, he never raised his hands up to abuse her physically. One of his strongest points was his looks and appearance. Always clad in top of the range clothing and accessories, much of my taste for the finer things in life was acquired from Dad. He did most of the shopping for my clothing needs and as such, helped in carving my style. Safe to say that dad made me fly.
Enterprising is one of the stellar traits that set Dad apart from his peers. From teenage, Dad was already on his grind. By the time he turned 21 and gained admission into the university, he had already held down 3 different jobs, one of which was as a staff of the Federal Office of Statistics and another as a sales rep. at Leventis. From very young, he had his hands in a couple of ventures; he owned a small poultry which he managed and operated on his own, he was investing heavily in music records and sound equipments (this led to him picking up the art of DJing since high school). Put Dad in a circle and tell him to find 90 degree angles, he will.
Dad was a disciplinarian. I can’t recall him ever beating me for misbehaving but still, he had a way of instilling fear in me. Whenever he wasn’t around and I err somehow, all Mum had to do to set me straight was to inform me that she already told Dad about my exploits. I heard when he was younger he never shied away from using the rod on his younger ones when they messed up, but as he grew older, he must have found other ways of disciplining. These he applied to full effect in my case and that of my younger ones.
Dad was a trendsetter amongst his peers. I can go on about all the things tat Dad was. We the kids are of a unanimous opinion that Dad is the bestest Dad in the world. He is my motivation. Now I'll try to bring Dad back to life in everything i do. I'm trying on the shoes you left behind, i know someday, they'll fit.
Dad was a lover and a fighter. He loved his family and friends so much, he always tried to carry everyone along even when it wasn’t so convenient for him to. Dad had to fight for every good thing he had in life. He always told us that he didn’t want us, his kids to go through the type of suffering he had to withstand. I remember a particular story he told me one time, about how he used to wait back in the university library, to copy complete text books into notebooks because he couldn’t afford to own them outrightly. He recalled the first winter he experienced as a freshman at Indiana state university. How his toes would go numb from chill because his budget made winter boots a luxury he couldn’t afford. Dad fought the disease in his veins with every ounce of strength he had till God decided it was time for him to rest.
Dad was a perfect gentleman. From his grooming, to his manners and disposition, Dad was the poster boy for ‘perfect gentleman’. His lover for so many years, Mum can testify to this. Despite the fact that they have their differences and misunderstandings, he never raised his hands up to abuse her physically. One of his strongest points was his looks and appearance. Always clad in top of the range clothing and accessories, much of my taste for the finer things in life was acquired from Dad. He did most of the shopping for my clothing needs and as such, helped in carving my style. Safe to say that dad made me fly.
Enterprising is one of the stellar traits that set Dad apart from his peers. From teenage, Dad was already on his grind. By the time he turned 21 and gained admission into the university, he had already held down 3 different jobs, one of which was as a staff of the Federal Office of Statistics and another as a sales rep. at Leventis. From very young, he had his hands in a couple of ventures; he owned a small poultry which he managed and operated on his own, he was investing heavily in music records and sound equipments (this led to him picking up the art of DJing since high school). Put Dad in a circle and tell him to find 90 degree angles, he will.
Dad was a disciplinarian. I can’t recall him ever beating me for misbehaving but still, he had a way of instilling fear in me. Whenever he wasn’t around and I err somehow, all Mum had to do to set me straight was to inform me that she already told Dad about my exploits. I heard when he was younger he never shied away from using the rod on his younger ones when they messed up, but as he grew older, he must have found other ways of disciplining. These he applied to full effect in my case and that of my younger ones.
Dad was a trendsetter amongst his peers. I can go on about all the things tat Dad was. We the kids are of a unanimous opinion that Dad is the bestest Dad in the world. He is my motivation. Now I'll try to bring Dad back to life in everything i do. I'm trying on the shoes you left behind, i know someday, they'll fit.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
IS DRINKING=CHILLING?
For me it started when I was in s.s.s.1. I was a student at a government high school that offered boarding house arrangements for interested students. Being a state government school, the student body comprised kids from diverse background and upbringing, from different works of life. The first time I had to knuckle up in self defense, was whilst I was a student at that school. So also was my first ever school year without finishing in the top 3 tier in class. By the end of junior year I had settled in and made so many friends, some of whom I’ve being able to retain to this present day, others I’ve lost contact with. One of the persons I was friends with is Emmanuel, nick named ‘notorious’ or ‘noto’. He was a year ahead in class but he was years ahead of me in experience. Noto was a habitual offender, always breaking one school rule or the other. Despite this, he was a very sweet person, arguably one of the nicest persons I’ve ever known.
There was this mid-term break we had in my first year in senior high, the break was for a period of 4 days. I decided to stay back in school for some reason. Anyway, to fill the long hours of each day with activities, we sometimes resort to hiking and exploring the surrounding settlements that were primitive. On one of such trips during this break, I left school in the company of Noto who was also staying back in school for the break. Whilst outside, he took charge of navigating us around and he showed a good knowledge of the routes. After hiking for a while, we arrived at a compound where everyone exchanged pleasantries with Noto and addressed him by his moniker. We were offered sits and without prior enquiry, offered cups of palm wine. I was familiar with this substance so I had no qualm with accepting the offering and helping myself to its content. When our supposed host noticed we were done with that, he poured us both a healthy measure of something else that was transparent. I followed Noto’s lead by taking a mouth full but alas! It didn’t taste at all like how I anticipated. In fact, it hurt my mouth and I didn’t want to swallow, Noto noticed my reaction and started laughing. In order to save face, I forced the substance down my throat knowing well from the smell, that what I just had was hard liquor and this was unfamiliar territory for me. In no time the liquor took effect and I started seeing things. I requested that we leave for school immediately and he obliged. That was the longest walk of my life despite the close proximity of where we were to our school premises. On getting to school, I went straight to bed. That was my first time consuming alcohol.
My second experience was during the summer break of that school year. My girl friend at the time, came to my house and requested that I accompany her to her friend’s house at festac. On getting there, our host offered to take us out for refreshments. Whilst the girls ordered food, I ordered for a bottle of ‘small stout’. I guess I was trying to impress the girls by posturing like a grown up. I had to go through the ordeal of swallowing most of the bitter content of the bottle. On our way home, I slept for most of the ride back. By the time I was through with high school, I had become a seasoned casual drinker.
The other day I was on twitter, mr badt guy tweeted a question, ‘Is drinking=chilling?’ He actually drinks too but then, I understood the reason why he must have tweeted that. These days, getting high one way or the other is the most common recreation amongst youths these days. Be it at the beach, in the club, at a local bar, or even at home. You hear boys bragging about how much alcohol they can consume at a sitting. Please don’t get me wrong, I have no qualm with drinking at all, but when drinking becomes the high point of your recreational routine, there is a problem then. Ladies can testify to this. As a lady, have you ever visited a male friend and then he takes you to a bar to entertain you? Especially ladies that don’t drink. The best guys like this can do is, take her to a posh bar and make her sit idly whilst he along with is friends, guzzle bottle after bottle of alcohol and gist noisily. If she’s lucky, she’ll own a BB and use that in whiling away the boring time.
These days, you see boys using pictures with outrageous numbers of bottles of alcohol, as their d.p. on BBm to brag (in their minds, they are chilling). Whatever happened to other forms of recreation like visiting the zoo (Oops! There are none operational), the museum, concerts, entertainment events, the beach (for other fun activities)? etc. For those of us artistically inclined, there are private galleries in operation these days as well as private libraries with multimedia functions to explore. Alcohol shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to mind when we think relaxation. Let’s try to be creative when drawing up plans for recreation or a date. Trying out other fun stuffs will aid in stimulating our minds, which in turn will enable our creative juices to flow freely. How you relax speak volumes of your level of exposure and style.
Personally, I’ve missed a lot of beautiful Saturday and Sunday mornings because of alcohol laden prior nights. Whilst in search of the ideal relaxation routine, you can like to stop at G12 in Oniru or Eldorado at Elegushi, where you can catch me with my skunk and bottle of absolute vodka, Lol! I’m just kidding o!
There was this mid-term break we had in my first year in senior high, the break was for a period of 4 days. I decided to stay back in school for some reason. Anyway, to fill the long hours of each day with activities, we sometimes resort to hiking and exploring the surrounding settlements that were primitive. On one of such trips during this break, I left school in the company of Noto who was also staying back in school for the break. Whilst outside, he took charge of navigating us around and he showed a good knowledge of the routes. After hiking for a while, we arrived at a compound where everyone exchanged pleasantries with Noto and addressed him by his moniker. We were offered sits and without prior enquiry, offered cups of palm wine. I was familiar with this substance so I had no qualm with accepting the offering and helping myself to its content. When our supposed host noticed we were done with that, he poured us both a healthy measure of something else that was transparent. I followed Noto’s lead by taking a mouth full but alas! It didn’t taste at all like how I anticipated. In fact, it hurt my mouth and I didn’t want to swallow, Noto noticed my reaction and started laughing. In order to save face, I forced the substance down my throat knowing well from the smell, that what I just had was hard liquor and this was unfamiliar territory for me. In no time the liquor took effect and I started seeing things. I requested that we leave for school immediately and he obliged. That was the longest walk of my life despite the close proximity of where we were to our school premises. On getting to school, I went straight to bed. That was my first time consuming alcohol.
My second experience was during the summer break of that school year. My girl friend at the time, came to my house and requested that I accompany her to her friend’s house at festac. On getting there, our host offered to take us out for refreshments. Whilst the girls ordered food, I ordered for a bottle of ‘small stout’. I guess I was trying to impress the girls by posturing like a grown up. I had to go through the ordeal of swallowing most of the bitter content of the bottle. On our way home, I slept for most of the ride back. By the time I was through with high school, I had become a seasoned casual drinker.
The other day I was on twitter, mr badt guy tweeted a question, ‘Is drinking=chilling?’ He actually drinks too but then, I understood the reason why he must have tweeted that. These days, getting high one way or the other is the most common recreation amongst youths these days. Be it at the beach, in the club, at a local bar, or even at home. You hear boys bragging about how much alcohol they can consume at a sitting. Please don’t get me wrong, I have no qualm with drinking at all, but when drinking becomes the high point of your recreational routine, there is a problem then. Ladies can testify to this. As a lady, have you ever visited a male friend and then he takes you to a bar to entertain you? Especially ladies that don’t drink. The best guys like this can do is, take her to a posh bar and make her sit idly whilst he along with is friends, guzzle bottle after bottle of alcohol and gist noisily. If she’s lucky, she’ll own a BB and use that in whiling away the boring time.
These days, you see boys using pictures with outrageous numbers of bottles of alcohol, as their d.p. on BBm to brag (in their minds, they are chilling). Whatever happened to other forms of recreation like visiting the zoo (Oops! There are none operational), the museum, concerts, entertainment events, the beach (for other fun activities)? etc. For those of us artistically inclined, there are private galleries in operation these days as well as private libraries with multimedia functions to explore. Alcohol shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to mind when we think relaxation. Let’s try to be creative when drawing up plans for recreation or a date. Trying out other fun stuffs will aid in stimulating our minds, which in turn will enable our creative juices to flow freely. How you relax speak volumes of your level of exposure and style.
Personally, I’ve missed a lot of beautiful Saturday and Sunday mornings because of alcohol laden prior nights. Whilst in search of the ideal relaxation routine, you can like to stop at G12 in Oniru or Eldorado at Elegushi, where you can catch me with my skunk and bottle of absolute vodka, Lol! I’m just kidding o!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Writing: What it means to me
It's been a whole month of writers block for me and at some point, I started to feel depression creep in. Throughout the period, I tried to scribble a few lines on more than one occasion only to get stuck after a few lines. It really was frustrating, having ideas and not being able to articulate into a decent write-up. At a point I figured, if I probably write something decent about my writers block, then I would have written something and put an end to the bad run.
During that month (august), I tried to write on a few occasions and the theme of my efforts was ‘Love’. I kept revisiting the issue of love partly because I was in an emotional upheaval as a result of a certain lady I was involved with, not responding positively to our venture together. The other reason why I kept attempting a decent write-up on the subject was the feedback I got from a certain blog article, ‘is love ever enough’. I realized that people find the love related articles more interesting than other subjects I write about on the blog. The failed attempts finally led me to a realization. It was more of a reminder of how and why I really started writing.
I was once involved in a leisurely group conversation with some friends when T-sparx said and I quote here: ‘these days, everybody that puts pen to paper consider themselves to be writers. Most of them make this claim for attention sake and it’s not funny’. When she said that, I wasn’t offended despite the fact that I was the only person in the group having the conversation that was so inclined i.e. that writes. That said, the how, why and when I really started writing involves a ‘situation’ I was faced with. I was going through a lot of internal turmoil in my being. Partly regret and partly comprehension, emotionally I was agonizing about my conducts and how they led to the ‘situation’. I was as close to depressed as one can get without being depressed. Writing provided me with an outlet to express everything I felt during that period. Before then, I had been scribbling down some thoughts and ideas but the outcome of what I wrote during and about that period led to ‘retrospective thoughts of a naughty boy’, this I consider to be my first real write-up.
This realization/reminder led to me understanding the real essence of writing, for me at least. Writing is born out of the conviction an individual has about a message and the need for it to be heard or read, as the case may be. Writing is the product of a critical analytic thought process. It doesn’t end there as how you tell the message is as important as what the message is, hence the need to practice and perfect one’s form and skill. From this understanding, I have formed a philosophy that guides me in my work as a writer, ‘The service required of every good writer is, to make people see through his/her eyes, that which they had previously been unable to see. A writer should make people see what they have not wished to see. Anyone who can achieve this has fulfilled his/he task as a writer’.
When I first wrote on the subject of love, I wanted you all to see what I realized from my personal experience, that love is never enough to sustain a relationship. Subsequent attempts to revisit the topic of love were my own lofty pursuits. My yearnings for critical acclaim over-rode my duties first as a writer. Then comes the question, ‘what is your source of inspiration?’ I’ve heard and read a lot of corny responses to this question. For me, inspiration comes from different sources, all accessible by my sense organs. Thank you for reading this, I am Gigi mosky and I am a writer.
“there is no such thing as an aspiring writer” Bayo Omisore
During that month (august), I tried to write on a few occasions and the theme of my efforts was ‘Love’. I kept revisiting the issue of love partly because I was in an emotional upheaval as a result of a certain lady I was involved with, not responding positively to our venture together. The other reason why I kept attempting a decent write-up on the subject was the feedback I got from a certain blog article, ‘is love ever enough’. I realized that people find the love related articles more interesting than other subjects I write about on the blog. The failed attempts finally led me to a realization. It was more of a reminder of how and why I really started writing.
I was once involved in a leisurely group conversation with some friends when T-sparx said and I quote here: ‘these days, everybody that puts pen to paper consider themselves to be writers. Most of them make this claim for attention sake and it’s not funny’. When she said that, I wasn’t offended despite the fact that I was the only person in the group having the conversation that was so inclined i.e. that writes. That said, the how, why and when I really started writing involves a ‘situation’ I was faced with. I was going through a lot of internal turmoil in my being. Partly regret and partly comprehension, emotionally I was agonizing about my conducts and how they led to the ‘situation’. I was as close to depressed as one can get without being depressed. Writing provided me with an outlet to express everything I felt during that period. Before then, I had been scribbling down some thoughts and ideas but the outcome of what I wrote during and about that period led to ‘retrospective thoughts of a naughty boy’, this I consider to be my first real write-up.
This realization/reminder led to me understanding the real essence of writing, for me at least. Writing is born out of the conviction an individual has about a message and the need for it to be heard or read, as the case may be. Writing is the product of a critical analytic thought process. It doesn’t end there as how you tell the message is as important as what the message is, hence the need to practice and perfect one’s form and skill. From this understanding, I have formed a philosophy that guides me in my work as a writer, ‘The service required of every good writer is, to make people see through his/her eyes, that which they had previously been unable to see. A writer should make people see what they have not wished to see. Anyone who can achieve this has fulfilled his/he task as a writer’.
When I first wrote on the subject of love, I wanted you all to see what I realized from my personal experience, that love is never enough to sustain a relationship. Subsequent attempts to revisit the topic of love were my own lofty pursuits. My yearnings for critical acclaim over-rode my duties first as a writer. Then comes the question, ‘what is your source of inspiration?’ I’ve heard and read a lot of corny responses to this question. For me, inspiration comes from different sources, all accessible by my sense organs. Thank you for reading this, I am Gigi mosky and I am a writer.
“there is no such thing as an aspiring writer” Bayo Omisore
Sunday, July 10, 2011
IS LOVE EVER ENOUGH? Pt. 2
So I cheated on Stella that weekend, with her friend Tracy. Ever since the incident, I had been trying to redeem myself subtly by being extra caring and loving despite the fact that Tracy didn’t tell her. We, me and Stella, had been having a good time since the infidelity incident until December when a late night call from Stella kicked off another bout of drama. What actually happened was that I said some trash about my relationship to the caller (who was actually my girlfriend, Stella). I was sleep talking and didn’t know it was Stella calling. In my own words, here’s what I said; “My relationship with the girl has gone sour.” Stella held on to these words and December was so much hell that year, I wasn’t looking forward to resuming school in January ’07.
January came and we were barely talking. Tracy resumed her role as confidant and companion during this period. I don’t know what they spoke about but she never mentioned our rendezvous to Stella. Somehow, things got better and by February 14th of ’07, we were back together fully and she spoiled me with all sorts of gifts to commemorate not only lovers’ day, but also our anniversary together. Little did I know she had been seeing a dude called Mohammed since January of 2007? Five days after our anniversary, she broke up with me. We were in love but we were separated.
She continued seeing the Mohammed dude and I met a couple of interesting ladies myself, but for the period of 3 months that we were separated, we never stopped loving each other. By the end of May, we got back together. How? I really don’t remember but it was inevitable. Upon getting back together, we confessed each other’s sins. She revealed hers and I revealed mine, holding back the details of that weekend with Tracy. In our bid to try and figure out what went wrong, we decided to take a big step, i.e. we started indulging in sex (she was a virgin all along), thinking a major commitment and compromise such as this would bring us closer than ever. So she gave it up to me and I, in return, loved her more fervently. I confessed everything to her, told her about every girl I’d slept with since I met her, all except Tracy. I mean, you can’t blame me because I knew It would all be over if I told her and I just wasn’t ready to lose her.
Our love had taken a turn for the better at this time. We communicated so well that she knew me inside and out. I knew her, too. Subconsciously, we started a new trend of paying back. I.e. whenever I did something I knew she wouldn’t like, she’d do something she knew I wouldn’t like to pay me back. This pattern continued until summer of 2008. We got into a heated argument that resulted in a serious showdown. I was so angry that had I seen her, I’d have gone animalistic, possibly physical on her. Some days after this showdown, we bumped into each other at an event. I was in the company of Tracy and James (they were dating the whole while) and she was in the company of another one of her sidekicks as well as 2 handsome-looking young men, one of which was an acquaintance of mine. At some point during the course of the how, I couldn’t bear it anymore so I approached her. We kind of apologized to each other. Now I wasn’t about to let my girl go home with another man in my presence so I insisted on taking her home with me. She concurred and requested that I be polite by informing her male company that I’d be taking charge of her welfare from then on. I did as she requested only for me to return to the spot where we’d been standing to find her absent. That night I tried calling her over 30 times but she didn’t pick my calls. I guess she went for the killer blow.
The next morning I called her to confirm that she was alright and nothing was wrong with her. I stayed back an extra day before returning to school, and upon entering the school campus, she was the first person I saw. Immediately after I saw her, she started crying. I was moved by the tears but then I was hurt from her antics the prior night so I ignored her. She spent the whole week trying to make it up to me but when I didn’t budge, she made arrangements for us to leave school at the weekend. Looking back now, I think I took the whole situation too personally and dissed her badly that weekend. We returned to school the same except for the fact that I had clicked on the self-destruct button. Regardless of the fact that I knew I loved her, I broke up with her and we both became emotional wrecks on campus. Everybody in school knew something was up with us. With time we got over each other, or so we thought, because one year later, we got back together for a brief one-month fling. We’ve been very good friends ever since but we try not to hang out because we always get emotionally entangled when we do. Deep within me, I know a part of me still loves her and sometimes when I hear her talk, I feel the feeling is mutual. We’ve been able to avoid getting back together somehow, though.
At some point during the roller coaster ride of our relationship, we had a very deep conversation and the question surfaced, ‘is love ever enough?’ I responded in the negative using our own experience as a point. She agreed with my response stating the fact that she loved me and knew I loved her, too, but still things didn’t work between us, no matter how hard we tried. To my credit, I finally confessed the dark secret about the weekend with Tracy and my Stella forgave me. I wonder if they are still friends. So, what do you think? Is love ever enough? Really…..
January came and we were barely talking. Tracy resumed her role as confidant and companion during this period. I don’t know what they spoke about but she never mentioned our rendezvous to Stella. Somehow, things got better and by February 14th of ’07, we were back together fully and she spoiled me with all sorts of gifts to commemorate not only lovers’ day, but also our anniversary together. Little did I know she had been seeing a dude called Mohammed since January of 2007? Five days after our anniversary, she broke up with me. We were in love but we were separated.
She continued seeing the Mohammed dude and I met a couple of interesting ladies myself, but for the period of 3 months that we were separated, we never stopped loving each other. By the end of May, we got back together. How? I really don’t remember but it was inevitable. Upon getting back together, we confessed each other’s sins. She revealed hers and I revealed mine, holding back the details of that weekend with Tracy. In our bid to try and figure out what went wrong, we decided to take a big step, i.e. we started indulging in sex (she was a virgin all along), thinking a major commitment and compromise such as this would bring us closer than ever. So she gave it up to me and I, in return, loved her more fervently. I confessed everything to her, told her about every girl I’d slept with since I met her, all except Tracy. I mean, you can’t blame me because I knew It would all be over if I told her and I just wasn’t ready to lose her.
Our love had taken a turn for the better at this time. We communicated so well that she knew me inside and out. I knew her, too. Subconsciously, we started a new trend of paying back. I.e. whenever I did something I knew she wouldn’t like, she’d do something she knew I wouldn’t like to pay me back. This pattern continued until summer of 2008. We got into a heated argument that resulted in a serious showdown. I was so angry that had I seen her, I’d have gone animalistic, possibly physical on her. Some days after this showdown, we bumped into each other at an event. I was in the company of Tracy and James (they were dating the whole while) and she was in the company of another one of her sidekicks as well as 2 handsome-looking young men, one of which was an acquaintance of mine. At some point during the course of the how, I couldn’t bear it anymore so I approached her. We kind of apologized to each other. Now I wasn’t about to let my girl go home with another man in my presence so I insisted on taking her home with me. She concurred and requested that I be polite by informing her male company that I’d be taking charge of her welfare from then on. I did as she requested only for me to return to the spot where we’d been standing to find her absent. That night I tried calling her over 30 times but she didn’t pick my calls. I guess she went for the killer blow.
The next morning I called her to confirm that she was alright and nothing was wrong with her. I stayed back an extra day before returning to school, and upon entering the school campus, she was the first person I saw. Immediately after I saw her, she started crying. I was moved by the tears but then I was hurt from her antics the prior night so I ignored her. She spent the whole week trying to make it up to me but when I didn’t budge, she made arrangements for us to leave school at the weekend. Looking back now, I think I took the whole situation too personally and dissed her badly that weekend. We returned to school the same except for the fact that I had clicked on the self-destruct button. Regardless of the fact that I knew I loved her, I broke up with her and we both became emotional wrecks on campus. Everybody in school knew something was up with us. With time we got over each other, or so we thought, because one year later, we got back together for a brief one-month fling. We’ve been very good friends ever since but we try not to hang out because we always get emotionally entangled when we do. Deep within me, I know a part of me still loves her and sometimes when I hear her talk, I feel the feeling is mutual. We’ve been able to avoid getting back together somehow, though.
At some point during the roller coaster ride of our relationship, we had a very deep conversation and the question surfaced, ‘is love ever enough?’ I responded in the negative using our own experience as a point. She agreed with my response stating the fact that she loved me and knew I loved her, too, but still things didn’t work between us, no matter how hard we tried. To my credit, I finally confessed the dark secret about the weekend with Tracy and my Stella forgave me. I wonder if they are still friends. So, what do you think? Is love ever enough? Really…..
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
MY IDEAL MAN
Due to popular demand, i had to get a female point of view of what a decent lady requires of her ideal man. Who's better to ask than my own editor, Jarnli Cheney Granger. You can follow her blog at http://barbieismyspiritguide.blogspot.com enjoy the read
I was asked to compile a list of pre-requisites for my ideal man. I guess my Blogger friend wanted a woman’s point of view on the subject. I can only speak for myself, but I have been married twice and I have about 25 years’ worth of relationship experience to reflect on and I have learned a thing or two about what I do and do not want. Here is what I require:
First of all, we must have the same beliefs about God, life and the reason why we are here. There are just too many instances in life when these beliefs dictate our actions and to disagree on such heavy matters can only cause dissention. From the way one treats his neighbor to the way one decides not to stress about the challenges in life; faith is a determining factor in how we behave.
Second, I prefer someone of a diverse cultural background. The differences are more interesting to me and I find men of color more aesthetically & sexually attractive. I have long given up on analyzing why, it is simply my preference. Besides, my experiences with men of my own race and cultural background have made me grow tired. I want a man who enhances my life, not a man who sucks me dry because he is so empty to begin with.
He must love music and he must have an open mind as well as his own passionate love for what moves him. In this department, the diversity factor is truly engaging for me.
One quality that is a priority to me is intelligence. I hate having to dumb down for a man. I am very socially aware and much keyed in to pop culture. I like to be able to converse about current events without having to explain too much. I especially like to be able to use all of my extensive vocabulary without getting a blank stare because the word I just used was just too big with too many syllables. I want a man who knows who I am referring to when I mention Steinbeck, Maya Angelou, Sinead O’Connor or Lil Wayne.
I don’t care if he loves animals. This is irrelevant to me. Compassion for life is essential, but if he sends 10% of his paycheck to PETA, we are going to have a problem. The same goes for environmentalists. There are people starving and suffering in this world and money spent on saving the trees or the Mexican Gray Wolf is money wasted, in my opinion. I would rather save one baby from starvation than rescue an entire rain forest. If human life is what the Lord laid down his life for, then that is an indication to me that God places a priority on saving his children, so this comes back to item one: Mutual faith in the same God.
He needs to be clean. I’m not obsessive-compulsive about cleanliness, but if I see a man who doesn’t take care of himself, his clothes, his home or his vehicle, I see a man who simply doesn’t know how to take care of things. I like order. It keeps things uncomplicated, it saves money, it’s healthier and quite honestly, it’s sexy. Basically, if you want it to be kissed, wash it. I don’t want to get near it if it smells bad, be it your house, your body or your car. If you want me to be able to live in it, I better be able to walk barefoot through it without hurting myself or grossing out. I have a sign on my refrigerator – the same one my mother had on hers when I was growing up. It reads: MY HOUSE IS CLEAN ENOUGH TO BE HEALTHY, DIRTY ENOUGH TO BE HAPPY. Words to live by.
He’s gotta like kids. Even if he doesn’t want to have any, he’s gotta be impressed by how funny and cute and innocent they are. I think the reason our Maker gave us the power to create life and sustain it is because children are some of the best teachers we will ever have. I never knew my capacity to love until I bore a child. I never knew unconditional love directed at me until I saw the love in the eyes of my baby as he looked at me and smiled while he breast fed, milk-faced and darling. He doesn’t remember loving me then, but he loves me still. And if a man thinks that children have nothing to contribute to his life, there is something cold and dead and damaged inside of him that is going to get in the way eventually.
Last, he must be able to achieve that delicate balance between sensitivity and masculinity. He has to be able to be ‘all man’ while still being comfortable with normal, human qualities like sadness, elation and humility. I don’t ever want to think that if it weren’t for me, my man would simply be unable to manage. Need me, but handle things without me if need be.
So there you have it. These are qualities that a man either has, or he hasn’t. They are part of his DNA or they are alien to him. I do know that if a woman thinks she can teach these qualities, or force them, she is sadly mistaken. Men are who they are.
“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.” – Natalie Wood
I was asked to compile a list of pre-requisites for my ideal man. I guess my Blogger friend wanted a woman’s point of view on the subject. I can only speak for myself, but I have been married twice and I have about 25 years’ worth of relationship experience to reflect on and I have learned a thing or two about what I do and do not want. Here is what I require:
First of all, we must have the same beliefs about God, life and the reason why we are here. There are just too many instances in life when these beliefs dictate our actions and to disagree on such heavy matters can only cause dissention. From the way one treats his neighbor to the way one decides not to stress about the challenges in life; faith is a determining factor in how we behave.
Second, I prefer someone of a diverse cultural background. The differences are more interesting to me and I find men of color more aesthetically & sexually attractive. I have long given up on analyzing why, it is simply my preference. Besides, my experiences with men of my own race and cultural background have made me grow tired. I want a man who enhances my life, not a man who sucks me dry because he is so empty to begin with.
He must love music and he must have an open mind as well as his own passionate love for what moves him. In this department, the diversity factor is truly engaging for me.
One quality that is a priority to me is intelligence. I hate having to dumb down for a man. I am very socially aware and much keyed in to pop culture. I like to be able to converse about current events without having to explain too much. I especially like to be able to use all of my extensive vocabulary without getting a blank stare because the word I just used was just too big with too many syllables. I want a man who knows who I am referring to when I mention Steinbeck, Maya Angelou, Sinead O’Connor or Lil Wayne.
I don’t care if he loves animals. This is irrelevant to me. Compassion for life is essential, but if he sends 10% of his paycheck to PETA, we are going to have a problem. The same goes for environmentalists. There are people starving and suffering in this world and money spent on saving the trees or the Mexican Gray Wolf is money wasted, in my opinion. I would rather save one baby from starvation than rescue an entire rain forest. If human life is what the Lord laid down his life for, then that is an indication to me that God places a priority on saving his children, so this comes back to item one: Mutual faith in the same God.
He needs to be clean. I’m not obsessive-compulsive about cleanliness, but if I see a man who doesn’t take care of himself, his clothes, his home or his vehicle, I see a man who simply doesn’t know how to take care of things. I like order. It keeps things uncomplicated, it saves money, it’s healthier and quite honestly, it’s sexy. Basically, if you want it to be kissed, wash it. I don’t want to get near it if it smells bad, be it your house, your body or your car. If you want me to be able to live in it, I better be able to walk barefoot through it without hurting myself or grossing out. I have a sign on my refrigerator – the same one my mother had on hers when I was growing up. It reads: MY HOUSE IS CLEAN ENOUGH TO BE HEALTHY, DIRTY ENOUGH TO BE HAPPY. Words to live by.
He’s gotta like kids. Even if he doesn’t want to have any, he’s gotta be impressed by how funny and cute and innocent they are. I think the reason our Maker gave us the power to create life and sustain it is because children are some of the best teachers we will ever have. I never knew my capacity to love until I bore a child. I never knew unconditional love directed at me until I saw the love in the eyes of my baby as he looked at me and smiled while he breast fed, milk-faced and darling. He doesn’t remember loving me then, but he loves me still. And if a man thinks that children have nothing to contribute to his life, there is something cold and dead and damaged inside of him that is going to get in the way eventually.
Last, he must be able to achieve that delicate balance between sensitivity and masculinity. He has to be able to be ‘all man’ while still being comfortable with normal, human qualities like sadness, elation and humility. I don’t ever want to think that if it weren’t for me, my man would simply be unable to manage. Need me, but handle things without me if need be.
So there you have it. These are qualities that a man either has, or he hasn’t. They are part of his DNA or they are alien to him. I do know that if a woman thinks she can teach these qualities, or force them, she is sadly mistaken. Men are who they are.
“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.” – Natalie Wood
Sunday, July 3, 2011
IS LOVE EVER ENOUGH?
I met Stella 4days after resuming my freshman year of college. The precise date is October 20th of '05. The circumstance that led to our meeting is actually vague in my memory now but i remember her sobbing. We all, i.e. all freshmen had been summoned to the university hall by the authorities for another round of the orientation and induction process. Down the roll i was sitted at, there was this light complexioned, petite, young cutey sobbing. The lecture was boring anyway, so i focused my attention on the lady. All her attempt at keeping her emotional row discreet had succeeded with everyone around except for me. I scribbled a few lines on a piece of paper and had it passed on to her. She looked across and i made an inquiring gesture, she smiled and started to write something on the paper, which she sent back to me. Now that i had gotten her attention, i sent a second note asking her to stay back after the program, so we could get to know each other. She obliged my request by waiting behind after the program and we made each other's acquaintance(she told me later on that she wouldn't have obliged if she had know that i wasn't as good looking up close, as i was from a distance. Imagine!)
We became friends and gradually started getting really close, to the point of spending every minute of the period of interaction with each other. Back then, there was this big dude on her case, but we, me and Stella had an awesome connection that was absolutely spontaneous. We were like ying and yang. The theory of spouses complimenting each other was brought to fulfillment with us. It was like we were connected by brain. The big dude soon diminished to just a part of the background of the picture. By February 14th, vals day of the next year, she said ye and we started dating, officially that is. Everything went on smoothly from then on. We were so caught up in each other's world that the other person was all that mattered. I look back now and wonder how it all went wrong.
I was never in doubt as to whether she loved me, i don't know if she was aware that i loved her like hell, but i did and showed it in every way that i could. The relationship got intense so soon, i guess cause we had it before we knew what it really was about. Anyways we made rules together on how to conduct our thing and once in a while, either or both of us broke these rules. We coped with these short comings until Tracy came into the picture. Tracy was Stella's friend from high school and was about to be admitted into our University. I don't know what their allegiances were to each other, but immediately Tracy stepped on campus, my baby had an alternative plan for every plan we made together. Me and Stella got into bad rows that always left one party so angry, they'ld require leaving school to go and cool off away from the other. On one of these occasions, i was so angry with her, i was about leaving school with my friend James, when i bumped into Tracy and my Stella. In order to avoid awkward moments, i got into petty talk with Tracy, ignoring Stella until i introduced Tracy to James. Later that weekend, both Tracy and Stella left school too and we all hooked up at James' apartment after they had done their thing, and we ours. Things went back to normal for a while, then came matriculation weekend. We had another one of those bad rows so she left school to be with her friends, God knows where. Tracy was in school as she was matriculating, so i decided to take Tracy and her friends out just to spite Stella. Whilst outside school, brief moment of slip up due to alcohol and all i can now remember of that night was me marching on vertically, on top of Tracy(missionary style). How we got into the act, i don't remember. The next day, i was flush with embarrassment as this was Tracy, my girlfriend's friend and confidant. 'This is the end of it', 'now Stella has got a good reason to kick me out of her life', 'how can i have done this to the woman i claim to love?' I kept agonizing in my mind. I really love her but how do i explain sleeping with Tracy? Later that night, i went out with Tracy and we bumped into Stella and her entourage. I still don't know how she didn't figure out something was wrong cause i was totally disoriented, overwhelmed by guilt. We made up on that particular night and things went on normally save for what happened between myself and Tracy. Now the question is, despite loving or claiming to love Stella, why did i sleep with Tracy? Is love not enough? we will find out in the concluding part......
We became friends and gradually started getting really close, to the point of spending every minute of the period of interaction with each other. Back then, there was this big dude on her case, but we, me and Stella had an awesome connection that was absolutely spontaneous. We were like ying and yang. The theory of spouses complimenting each other was brought to fulfillment with us. It was like we were connected by brain. The big dude soon diminished to just a part of the background of the picture. By February 14th, vals day of the next year, she said ye and we started dating, officially that is. Everything went on smoothly from then on. We were so caught up in each other's world that the other person was all that mattered. I look back now and wonder how it all went wrong.
I was never in doubt as to whether she loved me, i don't know if she was aware that i loved her like hell, but i did and showed it in every way that i could. The relationship got intense so soon, i guess cause we had it before we knew what it really was about. Anyways we made rules together on how to conduct our thing and once in a while, either or both of us broke these rules. We coped with these short comings until Tracy came into the picture. Tracy was Stella's friend from high school and was about to be admitted into our University. I don't know what their allegiances were to each other, but immediately Tracy stepped on campus, my baby had an alternative plan for every plan we made together. Me and Stella got into bad rows that always left one party so angry, they'ld require leaving school to go and cool off away from the other. On one of these occasions, i was so angry with her, i was about leaving school with my friend James, when i bumped into Tracy and my Stella. In order to avoid awkward moments, i got into petty talk with Tracy, ignoring Stella until i introduced Tracy to James. Later that weekend, both Tracy and Stella left school too and we all hooked up at James' apartment after they had done their thing, and we ours. Things went back to normal for a while, then came matriculation weekend. We had another one of those bad rows so she left school to be with her friends, God knows where. Tracy was in school as she was matriculating, so i decided to take Tracy and her friends out just to spite Stella. Whilst outside school, brief moment of slip up due to alcohol and all i can now remember of that night was me marching on vertically, on top of Tracy(missionary style). How we got into the act, i don't remember. The next day, i was flush with embarrassment as this was Tracy, my girlfriend's friend and confidant. 'This is the end of it', 'now Stella has got a good reason to kick me out of her life', 'how can i have done this to the woman i claim to love?' I kept agonizing in my mind. I really love her but how do i explain sleeping with Tracy? Later that night, i went out with Tracy and we bumped into Stella and her entourage. I still don't know how she didn't figure out something was wrong cause i was totally disoriented, overwhelmed by guilt. We made up on that particular night and things went on normally save for what happened between myself and Tracy. Now the question is, despite loving or claiming to love Stella, why did i sleep with Tracy? Is love not enough? we will find out in the concluding part......
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
THE WOMAN IN MY LIFE
On one rainy day, such as we've been experiencing in Lagos lately, i got into an idle chat with a friend about the best way to spend the day especially if you are idle. Actually the best way to spend a rainy day(an idle one at that) is to stay indoors with your woman and retouch the basis of your love together. This talk led my thoughts to the fact that i've been single for the past two years. Though i've dated casually since, nothing or rather no one has been able to make me feel the need to date wholesomely again, not that i've met anyway. This is not to say that i've not seen anyone i'm attracted to, rather everyone that i'm really attracted to is taken already by another. Makes me want to ask; are there any single ladies in Lagos anymore? The rest that fall below attraction level for me, are those that fall short of the qualities i require of a woman, qualities which some men will consider as irrelevant. Yes! you look surprised, why? do i have a list of qualities i require of a woman? of course i do, i know what i'm looking for. After so many experiences of failed relationships, i made up my mind to give up dating till the right woman comes along. I compiled this list of 10 qualities of my Mrs right. Looking through the list you will notice that i left out qualities like beauty, sexy, and all those other irrelevant femininity that have made our girls forget to build themselves up in character and content. enjoy the read and feel free to indicate your objections.
1) The woman in My life, must be intellectually sound: This is not to say that i'm looking for an Einstein to date, it simply means i want a woman, in fact it means i find a woman with some depth regarding intellectual issue, to be sexy. What's not to like about such a woman? You can actually confide in her and seek her advice plus you two can have decent conversations.
2) She must be GOD fearing: Anybody who is GOD fearing can and will never do wrong. Infidelity will not be an issue, in fact she will be a source of blessing to you through her prayers.
3) She must be homely: We men are wild at heart. To tame us and curb our excesses, you need to keep us close to home. The moment home is not welcoming and we seize that as an excuse to roam, prepare for drama. What do we mean by homely? She cooks a mean meal, high sense of hygiene, even my Mama likes her. That's what homely implies.
4) socially conscious: Another word for this is, awareness of what is going on around. These include fashion, lifestyle, health, society, environment, etc. The last thing you i want is a rich spoilt kid that doesn't know what it feels like to need someone neither do i want a broke girl that would get carried away by material things.
5) A source of great support: Rather than nag, a woman with this quality will fill you up with confidence, zeal, and believe in yourself. She will be your number one fan, cheering you on even though you might be down. Rather than curse and complain, such a woman will bless you
6) Moral regard: This should come under GOD-fearing but then, it is a quality in its own right because a girl with good morals makes a good wife and that's the ultimate intention and objective of dating, for me.
7) Objective: She should be open to new ideas. She shouldn't be rigid and stuck up in her old ways of thinking, to the point of not knowing a good idea when she hears one.
8) Positive minded: Attitudes rub-off on us when we spend so much time with others. My mrs. right must be positive minded. She has to believe everything will turn out good as anything other than this will be a jinx. Pessimism dampens motivation and kills the will to achieve.
9) Prudent: In this time and season, what a brother needs is not a spender but a saver. Someone that will help maximize your resources, not someone that will help deplete it. This is not to say miserly is attractive or acceptable. We are just saying that a woman that knows when to cap the spending makes sense as companion.
10) Fun to be with: All said, a woman shouldn't possess all the important qualities and then forget how to be fun when around you. My woman must possess that factor that will make time spent together, totally enjoyable.
1) The woman in My life, must be intellectually sound: This is not to say that i'm looking for an Einstein to date, it simply means i want a woman, in fact it means i find a woman with some depth regarding intellectual issue, to be sexy. What's not to like about such a woman? You can actually confide in her and seek her advice plus you two can have decent conversations.
2) She must be GOD fearing: Anybody who is GOD fearing can and will never do wrong. Infidelity will not be an issue, in fact she will be a source of blessing to you through her prayers.
3) She must be homely: We men are wild at heart. To tame us and curb our excesses, you need to keep us close to home. The moment home is not welcoming and we seize that as an excuse to roam, prepare for drama. What do we mean by homely? She cooks a mean meal, high sense of hygiene, even my Mama likes her. That's what homely implies.
4) socially conscious: Another word for this is, awareness of what is going on around. These include fashion, lifestyle, health, society, environment, etc. The last thing you i want is a rich spoilt kid that doesn't know what it feels like to need someone neither do i want a broke girl that would get carried away by material things.
5) A source of great support: Rather than nag, a woman with this quality will fill you up with confidence, zeal, and believe in yourself. She will be your number one fan, cheering you on even though you might be down. Rather than curse and complain, such a woman will bless you
6) Moral regard: This should come under GOD-fearing but then, it is a quality in its own right because a girl with good morals makes a good wife and that's the ultimate intention and objective of dating, for me.
7) Objective: She should be open to new ideas. She shouldn't be rigid and stuck up in her old ways of thinking, to the point of not knowing a good idea when she hears one.
8) Positive minded: Attitudes rub-off on us when we spend so much time with others. My mrs. right must be positive minded. She has to believe everything will turn out good as anything other than this will be a jinx. Pessimism dampens motivation and kills the will to achieve.
9) Prudent: In this time and season, what a brother needs is not a spender but a saver. Someone that will help maximize your resources, not someone that will help deplete it. This is not to say miserly is attractive or acceptable. We are just saying that a woman that knows when to cap the spending makes sense as companion.
10) Fun to be with: All said, a woman shouldn't possess all the important qualities and then forget how to be fun when around you. My woman must possess that factor that will make time spent together, totally enjoyable.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
DOWN AND OUT?!
The search for My purpose has taken me through so many phases of Life. through it all, the only thing that never changed was my yearning for success. success is the end product of a trial phase, it is a destination of a trip called trial. My lack of manifestation is not a function of lack of potentials, rather it is a test of my mettle, a measure of my strong will, persistence, and perseverance. the difference between success and failure is the route taken. in the beginning, we all embark on a trip to make good off life. this trip starts the same way for everyone. this beginning is the birth of any person. so we march on, distance measured in unit time. the paths of success and failure separate at strategic locations, these locations are generally called tough times. they differ in appearance, some take the appearance of obstacles, misplaced priorities, unforeseen circumstances, hard times, financial constraints, etc.
These tough times being spoken about serves two purposes. The first of these purposes is to examine an individual's character content and from here, determine if such an individual has what it takes to ply the success route. the other purpose is for indicating i.e. tough times are like road markers on the path of success, their function is to indicate how far you've come in your journey. if you've been traveling the success route and have still not encountered these road markers called tough times, you need to re-assess your journey.
Now there is a particular class of tough times which i would like to talk about. A lot of people can relate with it. Before i proceed, here's a question for you: Have you ever been in a condition where people with lesser understanding of a subject, lesser skill in a form, lesser quality in a function, thrive better in ventures than you who is knowledgeable in the matters. Let me paint another scenario. Have you ever been in a situation where your expectations on the outcome of a particular endeavor which if compared with your potential in the said endeavor, should turn out better than the outcome you usually get? we all must have experienced those situations mentioned above. some persevere, whilst most quit. I'm not concerned about the multitude that quit since more often than not, their names get buried with their aborted ambitions.
This message is for the 'some' that persevere. A few punches will not do it, the objective is to bring down the glass ceiling. A few punches will make cracks, what will bring the whole ceiling(barrier) down is repeated punching.
This write up is inspired by the school of thoughts that believe breakthrough will come, no it on't!. Breakthrough is a doing word. you have to breakthrough the obstacle. The fact that you have to breakthrough should already give a vivid imagination of what one is up against. It is thick, hard, heavy, stubborn. to breakthrough, you have to be tough. read carefully the last paragraph.
People want a lot of good things but are not willing to put in the work required. the present day youth is more into being cool i.e. the reputation, forgetting the more important things. To conquer, you have to stoop, trust me you have to. Am still yet to find a success story that didn't have any down side to it at some point. Show me any heavyweight boxing champion that never got knocked down, i'm sure there's none. Champions get knocked down and they still rise again. The rest of them get knocked out hence the saying 'down and out'. stay up, HEADS UP!!!
These tough times being spoken about serves two purposes. The first of these purposes is to examine an individual's character content and from here, determine if such an individual has what it takes to ply the success route. the other purpose is for indicating i.e. tough times are like road markers on the path of success, their function is to indicate how far you've come in your journey. if you've been traveling the success route and have still not encountered these road markers called tough times, you need to re-assess your journey.
Now there is a particular class of tough times which i would like to talk about. A lot of people can relate with it. Before i proceed, here's a question for you: Have you ever been in a condition where people with lesser understanding of a subject, lesser skill in a form, lesser quality in a function, thrive better in ventures than you who is knowledgeable in the matters. Let me paint another scenario. Have you ever been in a situation where your expectations on the outcome of a particular endeavor which if compared with your potential in the said endeavor, should turn out better than the outcome you usually get? we all must have experienced those situations mentioned above. some persevere, whilst most quit. I'm not concerned about the multitude that quit since more often than not, their names get buried with their aborted ambitions.
This message is for the 'some' that persevere. A few punches will not do it, the objective is to bring down the glass ceiling. A few punches will make cracks, what will bring the whole ceiling(barrier) down is repeated punching.
This write up is inspired by the school of thoughts that believe breakthrough will come, no it on't!. Breakthrough is a doing word. you have to breakthrough the obstacle. The fact that you have to breakthrough should already give a vivid imagination of what one is up against. It is thick, hard, heavy, stubborn. to breakthrough, you have to be tough. read carefully the last paragraph.
People want a lot of good things but are not willing to put in the work required. the present day youth is more into being cool i.e. the reputation, forgetting the more important things. To conquer, you have to stoop, trust me you have to. Am still yet to find a success story that didn't have any down side to it at some point. Show me any heavyweight boxing champion that never got knocked down, i'm sure there's none. Champions get knocked down and they still rise again. The rest of them get knocked out hence the saying 'down and out'. stay up, HEADS UP!!!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
SUPERSTAR by Wizkid
ARTIST: WizkiD 
ALBUM: superstar
RATING: ***
rating keys: 5star(certified banger) 4star(hot stuff) 3star(very regular) 2star(not bad) 1star(step your game up)
Finally, the much anticipated debut album of your boy wizzy dropped on the 12th of june to much frenzy. The album release date kept being pushed back due to logistics but finally his people decided the time was right. You can cupp the softcopy of the album on notjustok.com
The Content: The album contains 16 tracks, some of which we've heard prior to the official release. guest appearances include banky w on 'slow whine', wande coal on 'for me' and d'prince on 'wad up'.
The Tracks: the album starts with the track 'call my name' which was one of the singles dropped before the album release. the track reminds one of the popular New Edition song ''i'll be your boyfriend''. With instrumentals from samklef, the song attempts to set the mood for some serious grinding and whining in the club but fails to do so effectively until the 5th track, which features mr. capable who brings some of his saltry delivery to an oft high tempo song giving the song that effect wizzy laboured to produce in the four tracks before. This is followed by 'love my baby', my personal favourite on the album. The song starts off with wizzy exhibiting some of the tricks on delivery he learnt from mr. capable only for the producer to marr this particular joint by overzealously trying to switch up on a track that was just fine without the up tempo he tried to induce. From here on, are familiar tracks like 'gidi girl', 'don't dull', and 'tease me' which is followed by 'for me' featuring wande coal. All the efforts at making us grind finally pays off on this one, as wande takes us to the club before schooling wizzy on how we like to whine. The lowest point on the album for me, is the verse by d'prince on the track 'wad up'. Here wizzy tries to reflect on how things used to be but then, how can you do that on a dance instrumental? On 'shout out', he reverts to the name calling formular again, just like he did on 'tease me'.
The Production: The production on the album is slightly above average, with nothing INGENOUSLY DISTINCT. Most of the instrumentals have got samples whose origin, the producer did little or nothing to conceal.
For a rapper turned crooner, the album leaves alot to be desired in the field of lyrical content. With rhyme schemes that end with grind and whine or mind most of the time, the songs are loaded with clichhe lines. we can only hope that the compromise on quality content will pay off in album sales.
ALBUM: superstar
RATING: ***
rating keys: 5star(certified banger) 4star(hot stuff) 3star(very regular) 2star(not bad) 1star(step your game up)
Finally, the much anticipated debut album of your boy wizzy dropped on the 12th of june to much frenzy. The album release date kept being pushed back due to logistics but finally his people decided the time was right. You can cupp the softcopy of the album on notjustok.com
The Content: The album contains 16 tracks, some of which we've heard prior to the official release. guest appearances include banky w on 'slow whine', wande coal on 'for me' and d'prince on 'wad up'.
The Tracks: the album starts with the track 'call my name' which was one of the singles dropped before the album release. the track reminds one of the popular New Edition song ''i'll be your boyfriend''. With instrumentals from samklef, the song attempts to set the mood for some serious grinding and whining in the club but fails to do so effectively until the 5th track, which features mr. capable who brings some of his saltry delivery to an oft high tempo song giving the song that effect wizzy laboured to produce in the four tracks before. This is followed by 'love my baby', my personal favourite on the album. The song starts off with wizzy exhibiting some of the tricks on delivery he learnt from mr. capable only for the producer to marr this particular joint by overzealously trying to switch up on a track that was just fine without the up tempo he tried to induce. From here on, are familiar tracks like 'gidi girl', 'don't dull', and 'tease me' which is followed by 'for me' featuring wande coal. All the efforts at making us grind finally pays off on this one, as wande takes us to the club before schooling wizzy on how we like to whine. The lowest point on the album for me, is the verse by d'prince on the track 'wad up'. Here wizzy tries to reflect on how things used to be but then, how can you do that on a dance instrumental? On 'shout out', he reverts to the name calling formular again, just like he did on 'tease me'.
The Production: The production on the album is slightly above average, with nothing INGENOUSLY DISTINCT. Most of the instrumentals have got samples whose origin, the producer did little or nothing to conceal.
For a rapper turned crooner, the album leaves alot to be desired in the field of lyrical content. With rhyme schemes that end with grind and whine or mind most of the time, the songs are loaded with clichhe lines. we can only hope that the compromise on quality content will pay off in album sales.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
CORRECTIONS: AN ESSENTIAL
The only thing worse than not knowing is, not know that you don’t know. The greatest enemy of an individual is the self. Some people blame their woes and misfortune on circumstances not of their own making. Usually they go as far as blaming others for their problems.
It is true that no 2 individuals were born the same, but still the environment they both exist in is the same. One of the evidence of growing up is taking responsibilities for one’s actions. I’ve heard people blame all sorts of things for their woes. They blame the government for the bad economy that affected their businesses adversely, forgetting that some people still strive under the harsh economic situation. Relationships fail and either party involved blame the collapse on the other, absolving themselves off any guilt. Students with bad grades blame it on the tutor for not teaching effectively, blame it on the examiner for being too rigid in the conduct of the exams and timing it. They forget about the others that took the exams under the exact same circumstances passed well. A child fails to meet up to the expectations of the parents and s such, blame everything and everyone but his/her self. From blaming the parents for not raising him right, to blames of too much pressure from the expectations, we hear all sorts of flimsy excuses. Established stars conduct themselves inappropriately and lay the blames on the press for always wanting to cover negative stories, they blame fame for being intoxicating, they blame money for making it hard to have true friends around, some even go as far as blaming their advisers for not guiding them right.
All of these are just a few of the numerous scenarios we find ourselves in and don’t take responsibilities for. We make decisions and expect others to face the consequences of our actions. Is that right? The downside of this kind of mentality is that we will get away with the blame game initially, then get used to it until a devastating one will come along and we won’t be able to escape the fault. At this point, there probably wont be any remedy thereby leaving such individual a mere unfortunate statistic.
The moral of this write up is this, man up and take responsibilities for your actions. Rebuke and reprimand are not an attack on your personality, rather they are for corrections. Only individuals with yearning for perfection take to correction. Corrections heeded help in salvaging one’s glorious destiny. Stay blessed!!
It is true that no 2 individuals were born the same, but still the environment they both exist in is the same. One of the evidence of growing up is taking responsibilities for one’s actions. I’ve heard people blame all sorts of things for their woes. They blame the government for the bad economy that affected their businesses adversely, forgetting that some people still strive under the harsh economic situation. Relationships fail and either party involved blame the collapse on the other, absolving themselves off any guilt. Students with bad grades blame it on the tutor for not teaching effectively, blame it on the examiner for being too rigid in the conduct of the exams and timing it. They forget about the others that took the exams under the exact same circumstances passed well. A child fails to meet up to the expectations of the parents and s such, blame everything and everyone but his/her self. From blaming the parents for not raising him right, to blames of too much pressure from the expectations, we hear all sorts of flimsy excuses. Established stars conduct themselves inappropriately and lay the blames on the press for always wanting to cover negative stories, they blame fame for being intoxicating, they blame money for making it hard to have true friends around, some even go as far as blaming their advisers for not guiding them right.
All of these are just a few of the numerous scenarios we find ourselves in and don’t take responsibilities for. We make decisions and expect others to face the consequences of our actions. Is that right? The downside of this kind of mentality is that we will get away with the blame game initially, then get used to it until a devastating one will come along and we won’t be able to escape the fault. At this point, there probably wont be any remedy thereby leaving such individual a mere unfortunate statistic.
The moral of this write up is this, man up and take responsibilities for your actions. Rebuke and reprimand are not an attack on your personality, rather they are for corrections. Only individuals with yearning for perfection take to correction. Corrections heeded help in salvaging one’s glorious destiny. Stay blessed!!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
SHOULD IT MATTER???
Sometime last week, I posted a tweet that reflected my thoughts and how I felt at the time. I quote the tweet here ‘should it matter that the beautiful swan was once an ugly duckling?’ I’ll try to relate , in the course of this write-up, the relationship between that quote and redemption.
In my early life, I was always described by 2 words, naughty boy. This descriptive was as a result of my inquisitive nature. In the real sense of it, I was mislabeled cause even when I had nothing up my sleeves, the general assumption was that I was up to something. This reputation followed me for a very long while. The incident that occurred and ultimately inspired this write up is this.
I was at a friend’s place to chill. Whilst there, 3 ladies walked out of a room in the house and immediately I set my eyes on her, I was smitten. She is the personification of beauty, grace, and the frailty of femininity. I mean, you’ld want to touch but then again you wouldn’t want to for fear that you might scar her. The rest of the time I spent at my friend’s place, my eyes stayed glued to her person, observing every detail, even how she chewed her meal. At this point, I was nursing inappropriate desires in my heart as I had confirmed that she actually is a sister of my friend. This singular factor made approaching her in his presence, inappropriate. Worst still, desiring her for anything other than friendship was going to be frowned upon by everyone, sincerely I wanted more. Somehow I got her number without compromising any principle of decorum as social network sites were there for accessing information on whoever you wanted to. We got talking and have been enjoying the compliment of each other’s company ever since. Then came this day, I was at my friend’s place again and somehow, my friend saw my blackberry messenger conversation with his sister and he went ballistic. I tried to calm him down by stating that my intentions where noble but he went on and on about how my intentions adds up to nothing but hurt and heartbreak for his sis……
This incident really hurt me and had me thinking. One of the most uttered quotes is: ‘change is the only constant thing in life’. To what extent we believe this quote, I don’t know. What I know is that we fail to acknowledge the potency of the power of change and how it remakes the character over time. Friends and family alike never cease to express their surprise at new traits we exhibit when they see us again after a long period of us being out of touch with them, like we are supposed to be the same person we were 5 or so years ago.
When the issue of reputation, antecedents, and repertoire come up, nobody ever considers that over time one might have changed. This takes us to the subject of ‘redemption’. From the biblical perspective, we are encouraged to embrace redemption with the assurance that our sins will be not only forgiven, but also forgotten. That’s a hell of an offer if you ask me, considering the sharp contrast of the secular system of justice where prior offences are recorded so they can resurface when one errs again. This might lead you to ask, is redemption a lofty pursuit outside the religious context? What is the essence of redemption then? In my opinion, embracing redemption is not to undo your past, neither is it to make a point. It is for one’s self/sake. A spiritual healing process, and a reflection of growth. How long shall we continue to fail in acknowledging the beauty of the swan because sometime back it was an ugly duckling???
In my early life, I was always described by 2 words, naughty boy. This descriptive was as a result of my inquisitive nature. In the real sense of it, I was mislabeled cause even when I had nothing up my sleeves, the general assumption was that I was up to something. This reputation followed me for a very long while. The incident that occurred and ultimately inspired this write up is this.
I was at a friend’s place to chill. Whilst there, 3 ladies walked out of a room in the house and immediately I set my eyes on her, I was smitten. She is the personification of beauty, grace, and the frailty of femininity. I mean, you’ld want to touch but then again you wouldn’t want to for fear that you might scar her. The rest of the time I spent at my friend’s place, my eyes stayed glued to her person, observing every detail, even how she chewed her meal. At this point, I was nursing inappropriate desires in my heart as I had confirmed that she actually is a sister of my friend. This singular factor made approaching her in his presence, inappropriate. Worst still, desiring her for anything other than friendship was going to be frowned upon by everyone, sincerely I wanted more. Somehow I got her number without compromising any principle of decorum as social network sites were there for accessing information on whoever you wanted to. We got talking and have been enjoying the compliment of each other’s company ever since. Then came this day, I was at my friend’s place again and somehow, my friend saw my blackberry messenger conversation with his sister and he went ballistic. I tried to calm him down by stating that my intentions where noble but he went on and on about how my intentions adds up to nothing but hurt and heartbreak for his sis……
This incident really hurt me and had me thinking. One of the most uttered quotes is: ‘change is the only constant thing in life’. To what extent we believe this quote, I don’t know. What I know is that we fail to acknowledge the potency of the power of change and how it remakes the character over time. Friends and family alike never cease to express their surprise at new traits we exhibit when they see us again after a long period of us being out of touch with them, like we are supposed to be the same person we were 5 or so years ago.
When the issue of reputation, antecedents, and repertoire come up, nobody ever considers that over time one might have changed. This takes us to the subject of ‘redemption’. From the biblical perspective, we are encouraged to embrace redemption with the assurance that our sins will be not only forgiven, but also forgotten. That’s a hell of an offer if you ask me, considering the sharp contrast of the secular system of justice where prior offences are recorded so they can resurface when one errs again. This might lead you to ask, is redemption a lofty pursuit outside the religious context? What is the essence of redemption then? In my opinion, embracing redemption is not to undo your past, neither is it to make a point. It is for one’s self/sake. A spiritual healing process, and a reflection of growth. How long shall we continue to fail in acknowledging the beauty of the swan because sometime back it was an ugly duckling???
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
A 'DO-RIGHT' MAN
People that know me in person and can connect me with the blog responded to a previous post, 'A guide to healthy dating in the 21st century' with a series of questions. some of these questions reflected the frustrations of people, especially women, at giving their all and discovering that their all have not been adequate enough to sustain their relationships. A particular lady actually asked me, 'how do i identify the right man'? After thinking over the question for a while, i arrived at the conclusion that there are no right men out there, rather there are DO-RIGHT men.
It is the empathy i have of the female society's plights that led to me picking this subject for my next blog article. The other reason for writing this article is to redeem myself a bit, for all the beautiful hearts i broke at some point in my dating experience.
After much thought and research, i compiled these 5 markers that would help a lady identify a 'do-right' man. Per adventure there's one in your life who you've been taking for granted, WAKE UP!!!
1) He loves his mother: The first female in any male's life is his mother. This is who he gets the love and cares from in the initial stage of his life. How he treats her in return goes a long way in telling how he would treat every other female that comes into his life. why? if he treats a woman that breast fed him and nurtured him to manhood with disdain, what are the chances that he'll treat a relative stranger with no blood ties to him any better?
2) He has women friends: Friendship emanates from a mutual feeling of respect and appreciation. A man that has women friends, proves that he is not shallow to regard women, with the exception of his sisters and mother as potential targets for intercourse. Besides, the fact that any woman can regard such a man as her friend reflects a considerable amount of positive character component he possesses. Amongst which is reliability, as this is a major criterion for women when picking their friend(s)
3) His male friends are a great bunch of guys: As the saying goes, 'bad company corrupt good manners'. A guy with a bunch of jerks as friends is bound to start manifesting jerky tendencies at some point. On the other hand, a man with a bunch of refined gentlemen as friends can only be influenced positively by them.
4) He cooks and cleans: Gone is the era when women are regarded as personnel for domestic chores. A man with this archaic mind state sure wouldn't be able to undertake any of this domestic chores and as such would depend on the female to get them done. for a man to be able to cook and clean is indicative of his progressive liberal mind and ultimately shows his willingness to help out his partner. Such a man would have regards and appreciation for the role dominated by the female.
5) He is a gentleman: A gentleman is a man with refined social skills. This traits reflect in every facet of his existence and coexistence with others and the female in particular. He willingly accepts the role assigned him by society, which is to help and protect the female. Such a man will never abuse a woman verbally or otherwise and as such makes for an ideal partner as her safety is guaranteed in his company.
These markers are an indication of a do-right man. if you know some one with 3 or more of these character traits, hold on to him ladies!!! Good luck in your quest y'all, lol.
It is the empathy i have of the female society's plights that led to me picking this subject for my next blog article. The other reason for writing this article is to redeem myself a bit, for all the beautiful hearts i broke at some point in my dating experience.
After much thought and research, i compiled these 5 markers that would help a lady identify a 'do-right' man. Per adventure there's one in your life who you've been taking for granted, WAKE UP!!!
1) He loves his mother: The first female in any male's life is his mother. This is who he gets the love and cares from in the initial stage of his life. How he treats her in return goes a long way in telling how he would treat every other female that comes into his life. why? if he treats a woman that breast fed him and nurtured him to manhood with disdain, what are the chances that he'll treat a relative stranger with no blood ties to him any better?
2) He has women friends: Friendship emanates from a mutual feeling of respect and appreciation. A man that has women friends, proves that he is not shallow to regard women, with the exception of his sisters and mother as potential targets for intercourse. Besides, the fact that any woman can regard such a man as her friend reflects a considerable amount of positive character component he possesses. Amongst which is reliability, as this is a major criterion for women when picking their friend(s)
3) His male friends are a great bunch of guys: As the saying goes, 'bad company corrupt good manners'. A guy with a bunch of jerks as friends is bound to start manifesting jerky tendencies at some point. On the other hand, a man with a bunch of refined gentlemen as friends can only be influenced positively by them.
4) He cooks and cleans: Gone is the era when women are regarded as personnel for domestic chores. A man with this archaic mind state sure wouldn't be able to undertake any of this domestic chores and as such would depend on the female to get them done. for a man to be able to cook and clean is indicative of his progressive liberal mind and ultimately shows his willingness to help out his partner. Such a man would have regards and appreciation for the role dominated by the female.
5) He is a gentleman: A gentleman is a man with refined social skills. This traits reflect in every facet of his existence and coexistence with others and the female in particular. He willingly accepts the role assigned him by society, which is to help and protect the female. Such a man will never abuse a woman verbally or otherwise and as such makes for an ideal partner as her safety is guaranteed in his company.
These markers are an indication of a do-right man. if you know some one with 3 or more of these character traits, hold on to him ladies!!! Good luck in your quest y'all, lol.
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