Shout out to @hahishaa for inspiring me to write for this medium again. The last one year has been an exciting one with a lot of ups and downs that will make even an elevator operator dizzy. Over that period, I’ve had reason to feel the various emotions known to man but through it all one thing has remained the same and that is my resolve.
I’m still on the quest for perfection and I know most would consider that a lofty pursuit but what can we do but try. I can easily write one of those “20 something things for something” piece like I did when I turned 25 but then I’d rather not cause my intent transcends the need to come off as being intelligent. This here is inspired by the conviction I have that this generation, my generation, is yet to live up to its full potential.
A lot of today’s youths conceive big dreams without an idea of how they want to bring it to fruition. We have no regards for due process neither do we have the discipline required to follow through on most of our aspirations. I’ll explain the later in due course. Money is the yardstick for measuring success these days and what that has caused is that little emphasis is placed on value and since it’s not on demand, it’s at an all time low.
Looking around these days, one will be amazed by the number of CEOs out there, most of who should still be interns under a more experienced boss. There are the guys that talk more about hustle rather than hustle. We have set unrealistic standards for ourselves and this has made us lose touch with what is important and what is real. We really need to get back to the basics.
If something is wrong with our generation, the fault is not totally ours. We have just developed into what we were raised to become. The bulk of what we know and what is wrong with us were passed down to us by those before us. Having said that, the onus is on us to correct the anomaly so our children and children’s children, won’t pick up from where we left off.
Personally, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not perfect. Once upon a time in my life, I was a serious screw up. People that knew me back then can tell. It took fucking things up extremely to get my act together again and I’m still doing that right now. My mum used to tell me that what I didn't understand back then will be revealed to me over time.
It’s ok to fuck up but it’s a crime to stay a fuck up. It’s ok to not have a big dream and instead have a penchant for helping others fulfill their dreams. It’s ok to be lacking in material substance but make up for it in potential and good character. It’s ok to be different and unique rather than conform and join the band wagon. It’s ok to stay true to one’s self and have a strong sense of personal identity rather than indulge in self deceit.
A wise man once told me, “it’s better to own 1% of 1 billion naira rather than own 100% of 1 million naira.
We all have to gravitate towards a state of collective consciousness.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
WHICH IS IT?
My mind is the battle ground between the forces (thoughts) of good and evil. The battle is one that has been on-going since I developed the ability to comprehend, at say 4 years old. The truth is that ‘good’ has legitimate claims to my mind because being good is in every man’s (and woman’s) essence as at when created. Evil first infiltrates the mind of an individual through the genes of the parents, if science’s theories are anything to go by.
The challenge of discerning how to balance one’s act so as to be adjudged ‘good’ by general consensus is made stiffer by the fact that outside religious and to an extent, cultural contexts, there is really no parameters to measure the level of good or evil of an entity, save for morals. However, morals as a parameter for measuring good and evil, is not definite as there are certain situations where morals contradicts itself. This is aside the fact that moral as a word has a minimum of 5 definitions in the dictionary.
Religion and culture cannot be considered adequate parameters for judging good and evil because they cater to a select few that subscribe to the beliefs and are not uniform in all cases. How then do I figure out who is winning this battle for my mind?
The first real memory I have of wrong doing, is being influenced by an older cousin to go into my mum’s purse to bring him some money. As a reward for doing that, he would then give me a minute percentage of this money, just enough to buy myself a couple of toy cars and candy during lunch break at school. I was only 5 years old at the time and I thought it fun and games until the day our scheme was detected. Before that, I remember being fond of a distant relative of ours who was at least 12 years older than I was because she always did some things to my body that made a sweet sensation surge through my body. I was only 4 years old at the time and so, when she wasn’t around, I tried to re enact this feeling by doing to my sit mate at school, what she (my relative) did to me.
As a result of my experiences some of which I shared above, I would have concluded that time and knowledge are the agents of evil, if I didn’t know better. But still, have you ever wondered why certain leaders like Mugabe, Mubarak, and Gadaffi to name a few, were once celebrated as liberators by their people, only to become tyrants after sometime? One thing is for sure, time corrodes values. How else do you explain this phenomenon?
Since we are all subject to time, is the battle between good and evil a lost cause? Are we destined to be bad? The truth is that life is not in black and white and as such, we can’t just assign behaviors and characters, the good or bad label. I have always proposed that before we judge why someone does what they do, we have to understand why they do what they do. A lot of people go about doing stuffs that we might judge as being evil but in their hearts, they are doing good judging by their own value system. This takes us back to the problem of how to discern good from evil. A lot of manipulations are ongoing because everyone is looking out for their own interests. The media, education, politics, and even religion are all instruments for manipulation and via these channels; ideas are forced down on us.
What we need is selflessness first (love). More importantly, we need to attain a state of collective consciousness as only by collective resistance, can we fight against these manipulations. I have tried on my own and have failed every now and again, as I’m sure a lot others have experienced too so, Which is it, good or evil? I choose good.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
LOVE: THE BIGGER PICTURE
Despite the fact that Love is the most rampant phenomenon we as humans have experienced since the beginning of time, understanding it as a subject or better still as a concept is at a bare minimum. Ask around what the meaning of Love is and you’ll get responses that range from fickle to shallow to absurd. This makes one to wonder if people really understand what Love means. From an academic/religious view point, Love has been broken into different categories based on the definition of the situation (relationship between the personalities) surrounding the use of the word. My definition of Love, which I’ll state below, encompasses whatever situation one might apply the word to. For me, “Love is a positive feeling, an affinity towards something or someone, which goes out of you to the person without the expectation that it would be reciprocated (You don’t expect that shoe you love to love you back do you? Do you as a mother expect your infant child to love you in return as a criterion for loving it?). You give it because it makes you feel healthy and strong. Take note that the scary, crazy, vulnerable feeling most people attribute to Love really is not. It’s just the need to be loved.
For the purpose of this article, I’ll be examining the type of Love that exists between man and woman. Being the avid romantic that I am, I hope reading this article when posted, will help somebody somewhere Love and be loved better. The issues which will be addressed are the prevalent problems that have given people a wrong perception of Love. As a result of the fact that there is no authority on the subject of Love, real life experiences will be sighted as instances and hopefully you’ll comment wherever you disagree after reading. That said, let’s examine 2 situations that usually lead to the breaking up of a Love relationship and the resulting question that’s common to most break-ups; Why?
CHEATING
Next to falling in Love, cheating is the most frequent occurrence of modern day. You find both sexes pointing an accusing finger at the other without taking into consideration the role they’ve both played in the creation of this vicious cycle. The origin of cheating and the resolve to cheat can be traced back to the first sour experience an individual has with rejection or as the case maybe, Love-gone-wrong. Two things I’ll try to do whilst addressing this subject are; avoid generalization and make my theories sexually neutral (neither male nor female).
As stated above, one of the reasons why people cheat is the rejection or being taken for granted which they experienced after professing their love for another. They are scarred by this experience and though they recover, they never get over it and so they vow never to end up in such a situation again. So they cheat to assure themselves that they are on top of the situation and in the cases where one wonder why the partner cheated with someone below their standards, it’s because they(the partner) feel safer and reckon they can’t get hurt by so doing. Despite this, they still get hurt, sometimes.
Selfishness is another reason why people cheat. You have a good thing going with your partner but by circumstances of your own design or not as the case may be, you find yourself in a compromising situation and despite the better judgment of your mind, you decide to go ahead with the rendezvous because you felt like it in that moment without considering how this would make your partner feel if they knew about it. Every other reason why people cheat is somewhat related to selfishness however you choose to look at. For instance, you cheat with someone that’s more financially endowed than your partner is for what reason? To send your partner the cheque? I seriously doubt it. If only we can look beyond ourselves and neediness, and for a minute consider the other, we will be able to resist the urge to, regardless of how great the temptation is.
As a result of these experiences, stereotyping sets in without exclusion of the percentage few that are actually getting it right. This is done whilst forgetting the role either gender has played in the creation of this vicious cycle.
LACK OF FULFILMENT
The other reason why relationships go wrong is a lack of fulfillment. A typical notion that causes lack of fulfillment is the belief that one’s partner should be responsible for one’s happiness. This is a wrong notion because the only person that should be responsible for making you happy is you yourself. Another factor that causes a lack of fulfillment is the expectation that your partner will always meet your needs. This also is impossible because a relationship consists of 2 people who are constantly evolving by the minute.
However, the partner might want to meet the needs and still not know how to. Rather than teach them how to, selfishness rears its ugly head again and you decide to seek greener pastures forgetting how green where you are can be if you can put in work. All this because you are so into yourself and think you are fantastic when in reality, you are not. No one is. This phenomenon can either lead to cheating or outright dissolution of the relationship depending on the whole circumstance.
These reasons above are the basis for some myths which are prevalent and have further contorted the perception people have about Love. Some of these myths have been mentioned because of how they have affected the way people approach the subject of Love.
Assuming all of the above have played out and the relationship is at a point of no repair, both partners part ways. It has been said that if you were in a relationship with a lady for 1 year and she breaks it off, she spent the last 3 months of the relationship preparing herself for the break up. On the other hand, it is believed that men break up first and try to get over the relationship after.
There’s this myth about women wanting what they can’t have. This probably is the origin of other myths like women don’t want to be treated nice, and she always wants the guy that doesn’t give her attention. Are we saying a woman can’t have a guy treat her nice, give her attention and still love her? Then there’s the one about people not wanting to live in reality and as such would rather not be told the truth. In that case it’s okay to lie right?
What these myths have done is to subtly influence how both sexes approach the subject of love. So you find a lady unwilling to let go of a cheating partner who apparently doesn’t have any feeling for her. And whilst she’s holding on rationalizing, she passes off all the other good guys that might love and treat her better. The guys on the other hand treat their women ill because of the myth that states that putting a woman on a pedestal will only make her take him for granted. He cheats with other women because of the myth that suggests that a lady seeing you with other women makes her want you more.
Having said all that, what do you think her unwillingness to let go, tells a cheating partner about these myths? Think about all the guys that know of her situation with the cheating partner, who have shown their genuine interest and affection towards her and have been taken for granted. What will they think of these myths? Can someone tell these people that Love is not a game and as such can’t be played by rules? Somebody said that ‘ambivalence is a powerful aphrodisiac’, I looked at the person and felt sorry for them.
Everyone deserves to Love and be loved. 1John4vs8 states that “He (and she) who does not Love does not know God for God is Love”. So I’ll end this with the subject of marriage. That bible verse, which is the most succinct verse about Love in the oldest book known to man, does not mention marriage once. If people have married for wrong reasons such as money, fame or because of loneliness and boredom, then marriage is not representative of Love. Let’s not put ourselves under the pressure of time and become insecure in the process. Let us take time to nurture our Love.
This piece is inspired by all the beautiful souls on the quest to find true love (I am one of them).
For the purpose of this article, I’ll be examining the type of Love that exists between man and woman. Being the avid romantic that I am, I hope reading this article when posted, will help somebody somewhere Love and be loved better. The issues which will be addressed are the prevalent problems that have given people a wrong perception of Love. As a result of the fact that there is no authority on the subject of Love, real life experiences will be sighted as instances and hopefully you’ll comment wherever you disagree after reading. That said, let’s examine 2 situations that usually lead to the breaking up of a Love relationship and the resulting question that’s common to most break-ups; Why?
CHEATING
Next to falling in Love, cheating is the most frequent occurrence of modern day. You find both sexes pointing an accusing finger at the other without taking into consideration the role they’ve both played in the creation of this vicious cycle. The origin of cheating and the resolve to cheat can be traced back to the first sour experience an individual has with rejection or as the case maybe, Love-gone-wrong. Two things I’ll try to do whilst addressing this subject are; avoid generalization and make my theories sexually neutral (neither male nor female).
As stated above, one of the reasons why people cheat is the rejection or being taken for granted which they experienced after professing their love for another. They are scarred by this experience and though they recover, they never get over it and so they vow never to end up in such a situation again. So they cheat to assure themselves that they are on top of the situation and in the cases where one wonder why the partner cheated with someone below their standards, it’s because they(the partner) feel safer and reckon they can’t get hurt by so doing. Despite this, they still get hurt, sometimes.
Selfishness is another reason why people cheat. You have a good thing going with your partner but by circumstances of your own design or not as the case may be, you find yourself in a compromising situation and despite the better judgment of your mind, you decide to go ahead with the rendezvous because you felt like it in that moment without considering how this would make your partner feel if they knew about it. Every other reason why people cheat is somewhat related to selfishness however you choose to look at. For instance, you cheat with someone that’s more financially endowed than your partner is for what reason? To send your partner the cheque? I seriously doubt it. If only we can look beyond ourselves and neediness, and for a minute consider the other, we will be able to resist the urge to, regardless of how great the temptation is.
As a result of these experiences, stereotyping sets in without exclusion of the percentage few that are actually getting it right. This is done whilst forgetting the role either gender has played in the creation of this vicious cycle.
LACK OF FULFILMENT
The other reason why relationships go wrong is a lack of fulfillment. A typical notion that causes lack of fulfillment is the belief that one’s partner should be responsible for one’s happiness. This is a wrong notion because the only person that should be responsible for making you happy is you yourself. Another factor that causes a lack of fulfillment is the expectation that your partner will always meet your needs. This also is impossible because a relationship consists of 2 people who are constantly evolving by the minute.
However, the partner might want to meet the needs and still not know how to. Rather than teach them how to, selfishness rears its ugly head again and you decide to seek greener pastures forgetting how green where you are can be if you can put in work. All this because you are so into yourself and think you are fantastic when in reality, you are not. No one is. This phenomenon can either lead to cheating or outright dissolution of the relationship depending on the whole circumstance.
These reasons above are the basis for some myths which are prevalent and have further contorted the perception people have about Love. Some of these myths have been mentioned because of how they have affected the way people approach the subject of Love.
Assuming all of the above have played out and the relationship is at a point of no repair, both partners part ways. It has been said that if you were in a relationship with a lady for 1 year and she breaks it off, she spent the last 3 months of the relationship preparing herself for the break up. On the other hand, it is believed that men break up first and try to get over the relationship after.
There’s this myth about women wanting what they can’t have. This probably is the origin of other myths like women don’t want to be treated nice, and she always wants the guy that doesn’t give her attention. Are we saying a woman can’t have a guy treat her nice, give her attention and still love her? Then there’s the one about people not wanting to live in reality and as such would rather not be told the truth. In that case it’s okay to lie right?
What these myths have done is to subtly influence how both sexes approach the subject of love. So you find a lady unwilling to let go of a cheating partner who apparently doesn’t have any feeling for her. And whilst she’s holding on rationalizing, she passes off all the other good guys that might love and treat her better. The guys on the other hand treat their women ill because of the myth that states that putting a woman on a pedestal will only make her take him for granted. He cheats with other women because of the myth that suggests that a lady seeing you with other women makes her want you more.
Having said all that, what do you think her unwillingness to let go, tells a cheating partner about these myths? Think about all the guys that know of her situation with the cheating partner, who have shown their genuine interest and affection towards her and have been taken for granted. What will they think of these myths? Can someone tell these people that Love is not a game and as such can’t be played by rules? Somebody said that ‘ambivalence is a powerful aphrodisiac’, I looked at the person and felt sorry for them.
Everyone deserves to Love and be loved. 1John4vs8 states that “He (and she) who does not Love does not know God for God is Love”. So I’ll end this with the subject of marriage. That bible verse, which is the most succinct verse about Love in the oldest book known to man, does not mention marriage once. If people have married for wrong reasons such as money, fame or because of loneliness and boredom, then marriage is not representative of Love. Let’s not put ourselves under the pressure of time and become insecure in the process. Let us take time to nurture our Love.
This piece is inspired by all the beautiful souls on the quest to find true love (I am one of them).
Thursday, July 12, 2012
REFLECTIONS
Where do I go from here? Today was a good day. She (a client) uncharacteristically paid me a compliment to my face saying I’m actually good at my job. That felt good but not as good as Forbes coming to do the interview. My boss was pissed that I didn’t come to see him as I was supposed to. Don’t know why he’s mad when I’ve been busy slaving for the firm. After all he’s going to be the one to cash the cheque which the client will issue for our retainer. That didn’t get me pissed though, goes to show I’m a valuable asset.
So I’m back in my room at home relaxing, reflecting on the day, and assessing where I am with my career and existence. I feel restless for no particular reason. It’s not even about the feeling I’ve been having lately neither is it about anything that’s been happening lately. I can’t even figure out what it is but I just feel like I’m been sucked up by this gloom that’s spreading around me like mist at dawn.
I turn on my media player but none of the usual numbers is doing it for me. I flick through the Hip Hop, RnB and then Pop catalogues but I’m not feeling anything. I finally settle for Bilal’s ‘Air Tights Revenge’, an unusual choice. Maybe I’ll write it off, and that I’m trying to do right now.
It’s not depression because I’m not sad. It feels more like anxiety, remember I said restless earlier. I’m just aching for some action. Maybe if I work tirelessly and relentlessly I’ll be able to recover for those years I wasted on frivolities. Thank God I got this job. I always knew I have the potential; I never just got the opportunity to put it to use. Maybe because I didn’t try enough back then or probably because I didn’t see the urgency.
Well now I’ve got the opportunity and I intend doing more than enough to ensure I get the renown and pay that’s commensurate with my skill and potentials. I just want to be successful but what’s success without financial security?
This is my path to redemption and I intend getting there. So many things I know but wish I can un-know. I have no regrets for how I’ve lived so far, rather I have learnt from my mistakes. Jarnli says I’m so smart for my age. What she doesn’t realize is that you don’t make as much mistakes as I have and not take something from all of those mistakes.
Undoing knowing the no-do- good people is the easiest part. I’m not even about to lower my defenses for the sake of validation and acceptance. At the end of the day, regardless of how many cool guys I have hanging around me; I’m still alone by myself. That’s not a new realization anyway, I’ve always known this since boarding school.
This journey of mine through life thus far has been one hell of a ride. So many ups and downs that life has turned out to be all the things they never taught one in class or in the books. I’ve come to realize that you play by the books to your own detriment. Oh! And those that always seem to have it figured out when it’s the subject of living a successful life, you have to avoid them. They do you more harm than good because usually what they tell you about life is not what they’ve tried and proved but what someone else did and succeeded with. If life was straight cut as they make it to be, might as well just teach how to apply and replicate the template in school.
After saying this much, one thing is sure and certain about life and that is this; nothing in life is sure and certain.
So I’m back in my room at home relaxing, reflecting on the day, and assessing where I am with my career and existence. I feel restless for no particular reason. It’s not even about the feeling I’ve been having lately neither is it about anything that’s been happening lately. I can’t even figure out what it is but I just feel like I’m been sucked up by this gloom that’s spreading around me like mist at dawn.
I turn on my media player but none of the usual numbers is doing it for me. I flick through the Hip Hop, RnB and then Pop catalogues but I’m not feeling anything. I finally settle for Bilal’s ‘Air Tights Revenge’, an unusual choice. Maybe I’ll write it off, and that I’m trying to do right now.
It’s not depression because I’m not sad. It feels more like anxiety, remember I said restless earlier. I’m just aching for some action. Maybe if I work tirelessly and relentlessly I’ll be able to recover for those years I wasted on frivolities. Thank God I got this job. I always knew I have the potential; I never just got the opportunity to put it to use. Maybe because I didn’t try enough back then or probably because I didn’t see the urgency.
Well now I’ve got the opportunity and I intend doing more than enough to ensure I get the renown and pay that’s commensurate with my skill and potentials. I just want to be successful but what’s success without financial security?
This is my path to redemption and I intend getting there. So many things I know but wish I can un-know. I have no regrets for how I’ve lived so far, rather I have learnt from my mistakes. Jarnli says I’m so smart for my age. What she doesn’t realize is that you don’t make as much mistakes as I have and not take something from all of those mistakes.
Undoing knowing the no-do- good people is the easiest part. I’m not even about to lower my defenses for the sake of validation and acceptance. At the end of the day, regardless of how many cool guys I have hanging around me; I’m still alone by myself. That’s not a new realization anyway, I’ve always known this since boarding school.
This journey of mine through life thus far has been one hell of a ride. So many ups and downs that life has turned out to be all the things they never taught one in class or in the books. I’ve come to realize that you play by the books to your own detriment. Oh! And those that always seem to have it figured out when it’s the subject of living a successful life, you have to avoid them. They do you more harm than good because usually what they tell you about life is not what they’ve tried and proved but what someone else did and succeeded with. If life was straight cut as they make it to be, might as well just teach how to apply and replicate the template in school.
After saying this much, one thing is sure and certain about life and that is this; nothing in life is sure and certain.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
NO! Love
I remember that night like it’s happening right now.
I’m at the store picking up something for dinner. I’m pretty excited at the prospect of us getting to do it after five days at her place and still ‘no action’. Well it’s not like there hasn’t been any action, it’s just that we never get past second base. The night before was the closest I got to nuggies, she wouldn’t let me to though as soon as I got my hand inside her panties, the kissing got more passionate and she moaned and writhed with pleasure. The moment I tried to mount, she lost whatever pleasure she was feeling and pushed me off. This left me disappointed.
Whilst lying down in the living room that night before, (she insisted on us sleeping in separate rooms ever since I got there) my conversation with Seun replayed in my mind. I had brought up the subjects of her blocking my moves and our sleeping arrangement the last time I met up with my friend Seun, who I believe has more experience when it comes to dealing with women. Something he said kept replaying in my mind as I lay on the couch. According to him, “Women in general love the dance……sometimes they want to test how long you can withstand the game. Besides, their ‘no’ usually means ‘yes’ but only a man with balls can discern this fact.”
Anyway, today is a new day and I’ve got a feeling tonight’s going to be a good night, so I thought that night. I have a plan to charm her with my thoughtfulness and sensitivity so I’m going to have dinner ready before she gets back from work. She probably might be saving the best for last, too, because she knows I’m leaving tomorrow. I mean, before last night, I didn’t go past second base and the first night I was here, she only let me kiss with strict instruction that should I fondle with any part of her body, I wouldn’t get anymore action. I’m making pasta and tuna sauce with extra spice. We’ll have this with the bottle of red wine and bucket of KFC I bought. I hope this proves to her that I’m paying attention and am willing to go all the way. So my thoughts were that night.
At a quarter past seven, dinner was finally ready. Guessing she’d be home very soon, I went ahead and set the table. Isn’t this romantic? What woman could resist this sort of treatment from the man she loves and whom she knows loves her without a doubt? I kept enthusing.
The night’s dinner was a romantic affair as we touched on the basis of our love all over again. Then came the night’s final agenda. We were on the couch, both barely clothed, watching TV when I made my move. I sleep in my boxer shorts so I had just that on and she had on a big tee shirt and her panties. We began making out and at some point I had her pinned to the couch. Despite her objection, I slid her panties to the side and released my manhood. Sensing what my intent was, she struggled frantically but her resistance couldn’t contend with my strength. Finally I penetrated and had my way. After the 3 minutes of craziness, the magnitude and implication of what I did finally dawned on me.
I lost her love and the comfort of her home that night because she threw me out.
Initially I thought she was just posturing by acting like I had really hurt and violated her but when I kept calling, trying to get across to her and she just kept blocking my moves and avoiding contact with me, I started realizing something. It’s true that there are some girls (some might call them teases) out there who will lead you on and send twisted messages across that will leave you wondering if they mean yes or no. What you don’t want to do is let it slip with the girl you ought to be with because you can’t discern the game type from the keep type.
She has since forgiven me but I’ve still never been able to get anywhere close to her. Some five years later I gave her a call during the yuletide holiday to wish her a happy new year in advance. At some point during the conversation, I said something like ‘I still love you and I want us to cultivate a relationship that can lead to the altar’. It was like an invitation for a predator to attack because she unleashed some venomous words on me. She reminded me of how I took advantage of her that fateful day and even questioned the guts I had to talk to her about love. This was five years after. Wow! She really must have meant that “NO!”
Date rape is a constant occurrence in every day Nigeria. The victims include young ladies and even house wives. These people never come forward to report the incidences because of the stigma attached to such occurrences. The society on its part condones such behaviors as the few cases that have been reported have been resolved with the perpetrators getting away with light punishments and in most cases they’ve been able to go unpunished. The punishment attached to this crime in the constitution is either not severe or the interpretation of the law is convoluted.
Date rape is a form of rape where the perpetrators and the victims are people that are familiar with themselves, usually they are lovers, friends, and in some cases married couples.
This piece is inspired by the sufferings of those that have had to endure the pain of being victims. Please speak out!!!
I’m at the store picking up something for dinner. I’m pretty excited at the prospect of us getting to do it after five days at her place and still ‘no action’. Well it’s not like there hasn’t been any action, it’s just that we never get past second base. The night before was the closest I got to nuggies, she wouldn’t let me to though as soon as I got my hand inside her panties, the kissing got more passionate and she moaned and writhed with pleasure. The moment I tried to mount, she lost whatever pleasure she was feeling and pushed me off. This left me disappointed.
Whilst lying down in the living room that night before, (she insisted on us sleeping in separate rooms ever since I got there) my conversation with Seun replayed in my mind. I had brought up the subjects of her blocking my moves and our sleeping arrangement the last time I met up with my friend Seun, who I believe has more experience when it comes to dealing with women. Something he said kept replaying in my mind as I lay on the couch. According to him, “Women in general love the dance……sometimes they want to test how long you can withstand the game. Besides, their ‘no’ usually means ‘yes’ but only a man with balls can discern this fact.”
Anyway, today is a new day and I’ve got a feeling tonight’s going to be a good night, so I thought that night. I have a plan to charm her with my thoughtfulness and sensitivity so I’m going to have dinner ready before she gets back from work. She probably might be saving the best for last, too, because she knows I’m leaving tomorrow. I mean, before last night, I didn’t go past second base and the first night I was here, she only let me kiss with strict instruction that should I fondle with any part of her body, I wouldn’t get anymore action. I’m making pasta and tuna sauce with extra spice. We’ll have this with the bottle of red wine and bucket of KFC I bought. I hope this proves to her that I’m paying attention and am willing to go all the way. So my thoughts were that night.
At a quarter past seven, dinner was finally ready. Guessing she’d be home very soon, I went ahead and set the table. Isn’t this romantic? What woman could resist this sort of treatment from the man she loves and whom she knows loves her without a doubt? I kept enthusing.
The night’s dinner was a romantic affair as we touched on the basis of our love all over again. Then came the night’s final agenda. We were on the couch, both barely clothed, watching TV when I made my move. I sleep in my boxer shorts so I had just that on and she had on a big tee shirt and her panties. We began making out and at some point I had her pinned to the couch. Despite her objection, I slid her panties to the side and released my manhood. Sensing what my intent was, she struggled frantically but her resistance couldn’t contend with my strength. Finally I penetrated and had my way. After the 3 minutes of craziness, the magnitude and implication of what I did finally dawned on me.
I lost her love and the comfort of her home that night because she threw me out.
Initially I thought she was just posturing by acting like I had really hurt and violated her but when I kept calling, trying to get across to her and she just kept blocking my moves and avoiding contact with me, I started realizing something. It’s true that there are some girls (some might call them teases) out there who will lead you on and send twisted messages across that will leave you wondering if they mean yes or no. What you don’t want to do is let it slip with the girl you ought to be with because you can’t discern the game type from the keep type.
She has since forgiven me but I’ve still never been able to get anywhere close to her. Some five years later I gave her a call during the yuletide holiday to wish her a happy new year in advance. At some point during the conversation, I said something like ‘I still love you and I want us to cultivate a relationship that can lead to the altar’. It was like an invitation for a predator to attack because she unleashed some venomous words on me. She reminded me of how I took advantage of her that fateful day and even questioned the guts I had to talk to her about love. This was five years after. Wow! She really must have meant that “NO!”
Date rape is a constant occurrence in every day Nigeria. The victims include young ladies and even house wives. These people never come forward to report the incidences because of the stigma attached to such occurrences. The society on its part condones such behaviors as the few cases that have been reported have been resolved with the perpetrators getting away with light punishments and in most cases they’ve been able to go unpunished. The punishment attached to this crime in the constitution is either not severe or the interpretation of the law is convoluted.
Date rape is a form of rape where the perpetrators and the victims are people that are familiar with themselves, usually they are lovers, friends, and in some cases married couples.
This piece is inspired by the sufferings of those that have had to endure the pain of being victims. Please speak out!!!
Monday, May 21, 2012
KEEP ON PUSHING!
The other day I was in a petty conversation with my neighbor (we do that often) when his countenance suddenly changed. He proceeded to ask me a question that seemed funny when it came out of his mouth. He asked, ‘Damy I go fit ever get fifty million naira of my own money? As in make I get fifty million for bank?’ He was looking at me in anticipation of a response so I paused for a few seconds to ponder what he just said. Being the dreamer that I am, I always try to motivate people around me regardless of the odds. Despite the fact that I know in summary what the economic landscape would look like for someone in his position, I responded in the affirmative and proceeded to point out the possibilities of that happening. My response was void of logic cause in reality the economics of his situation makes it almost unlikely that he ever will. Why you might ask. Let’s examine his scenario to find out.
This neighbor of mine is married with three kids. He is a plumber by profession and despite this he has his own car and his own house. He is sub 35 age wise, and he is barely educated. I doubt that he even has a schooling leaving certificate. Now his plumbing business to the best of my knowledge is a one man business. However he has about 3 or 4 employees in the form of apprentices who get paid stipends and who don’t have much experience in the field of endeavor. His clientele consists of mostly projects for residential buildings and repairs in some cases. Now let’s assume that once in a while he gets an office project, school project or a project other than residential. Bear in mind that he has no alternative source of income.
Since I really don’t know what his finance is like, let’s assume that his take home at the end of a regular month is 150 thousand naira after the running costs of the business has been deducted. Assuming also that after spending on the upkeep for his household he gets to save 20% of whatever he makes every month, how much will he have at the end of his life? Before you respond to that question, let’s factor in all the variables. He definitely won’t meet that number income-wise every month, some months he might make more and other months he might make less. The expenses for upkeep will never remain constant as it will always get higher as his kids grow older and there will always arise some unforeseen circumstance that will require extra spending. Ok. So how much will he have saved up when he is say 70 years?
A lot of us have a habit of analyzing our lives and everything that’s happening around us rather than getting on with living. If one is to dwell on the circumstances they find themselves in all the time, I doubt that there’ll ever be successful people talk less of achievers. Ask anyone who can be said to be successful if they ever knew they were going to be successful and when they foresaw it happening and hear what their responses would be. Some of them will respond that they didn’t see it happening, others that are confident in their ability like M.I Abaga will tell you that they knew it was going to happen, them being successful that is. One thing that’ll be constant with the responses you’ll get if you really go out to ask these people is this; no one amongst everyone you ask knew the very moment their breakthrough would come.
That said, shall we cease to live and exist cause the eventuality of our present circumstance is looking unlikely when compared to our desired end?
The decision to address this subject in the form of a blog article came to me whilst watching the celebration of Chelsea FC’s triumph in the champions league (take note that I’m an Arsenal FC fan) the moment particularly was when Roberto Di Matteo was leading the players up the podium to receive their winners’ medals. Freeze that frame right there!
Now Di Matteo is Chelsea’s caretaker coach, the guy that was brought in to handle things pending the time they resolve the issue of replacing their sacked coach. Did he just hold the position with the lackadaisical attitude that someone who knows they are just a stopgap and not the solution would? No! He went ahead and made things happen.
Last season he was coaching Westbromwich Albion in their battle for survival in the premiership, he succeeded at that but finally got axed mid season this time around after a series of bad results. The season before that, he was coaching the same team in the championship and succeeded in securing their promotion to the premiership, the season before that he was coaching a team in the third tier of English football. Today he has joined the elite rank of coaches who have won the champion’s league. Did he see this happening under this circumstance? NO! If anyone was to examine and analyze his situation some three months earlier, or even when he assumed the post of interim coach, would they have foreseen this outcome? NO! Take note that he is the most successful coach in England this season for doing the double (FA cup and Champions league).
I doubt that you need me to break down the moral of this one to you but just in case you need me to, here it is. Your present situation is the prelude to a better after now regardless of how long or how bleak it looks like. What you can do when it seems you’re in a situation you can’t control is to control yourself. Stay focused on your goal, work hard towards improving your person in all ramifications and above all BELIEVE. The truth is that all of those successful people believed they would succeed even though they were often time surrounded by circumstances that casted uncertainties on their aspirations. If Di Matteo can do it, and my neighbor who I know will surely do it does too, why can’t you? Keep on pushing!
p.s. you might want to listen to track 11 off 2Face’s new album ‘Away&Beyond’ titled ‘Keep on pushing’. God bless your Hustle this week and forever.
This neighbor of mine is married with three kids. He is a plumber by profession and despite this he has his own car and his own house. He is sub 35 age wise, and he is barely educated. I doubt that he even has a schooling leaving certificate. Now his plumbing business to the best of my knowledge is a one man business. However he has about 3 or 4 employees in the form of apprentices who get paid stipends and who don’t have much experience in the field of endeavor. His clientele consists of mostly projects for residential buildings and repairs in some cases. Now let’s assume that once in a while he gets an office project, school project or a project other than residential. Bear in mind that he has no alternative source of income.
Since I really don’t know what his finance is like, let’s assume that his take home at the end of a regular month is 150 thousand naira after the running costs of the business has been deducted. Assuming also that after spending on the upkeep for his household he gets to save 20% of whatever he makes every month, how much will he have at the end of his life? Before you respond to that question, let’s factor in all the variables. He definitely won’t meet that number income-wise every month, some months he might make more and other months he might make less. The expenses for upkeep will never remain constant as it will always get higher as his kids grow older and there will always arise some unforeseen circumstance that will require extra spending. Ok. So how much will he have saved up when he is say 70 years?
A lot of us have a habit of analyzing our lives and everything that’s happening around us rather than getting on with living. If one is to dwell on the circumstances they find themselves in all the time, I doubt that there’ll ever be successful people talk less of achievers. Ask anyone who can be said to be successful if they ever knew they were going to be successful and when they foresaw it happening and hear what their responses would be. Some of them will respond that they didn’t see it happening, others that are confident in their ability like M.I Abaga will tell you that they knew it was going to happen, them being successful that is. One thing that’ll be constant with the responses you’ll get if you really go out to ask these people is this; no one amongst everyone you ask knew the very moment their breakthrough would come.
That said, shall we cease to live and exist cause the eventuality of our present circumstance is looking unlikely when compared to our desired end?
The decision to address this subject in the form of a blog article came to me whilst watching the celebration of Chelsea FC’s triumph in the champions league (take note that I’m an Arsenal FC fan) the moment particularly was when Roberto Di Matteo was leading the players up the podium to receive their winners’ medals. Freeze that frame right there!
Now Di Matteo is Chelsea’s caretaker coach, the guy that was brought in to handle things pending the time they resolve the issue of replacing their sacked coach. Did he just hold the position with the lackadaisical attitude that someone who knows they are just a stopgap and not the solution would? No! He went ahead and made things happen.
Last season he was coaching Westbromwich Albion in their battle for survival in the premiership, he succeeded at that but finally got axed mid season this time around after a series of bad results. The season before that, he was coaching the same team in the championship and succeeded in securing their promotion to the premiership, the season before that he was coaching a team in the third tier of English football. Today he has joined the elite rank of coaches who have won the champion’s league. Did he see this happening under this circumstance? NO! If anyone was to examine and analyze his situation some three months earlier, or even when he assumed the post of interim coach, would they have foreseen this outcome? NO! Take note that he is the most successful coach in England this season for doing the double (FA cup and Champions league).
I doubt that you need me to break down the moral of this one to you but just in case you need me to, here it is. Your present situation is the prelude to a better after now regardless of how long or how bleak it looks like. What you can do when it seems you’re in a situation you can’t control is to control yourself. Stay focused on your goal, work hard towards improving your person in all ramifications and above all BELIEVE. The truth is that all of those successful people believed they would succeed even though they were often time surrounded by circumstances that casted uncertainties on their aspirations. If Di Matteo can do it, and my neighbor who I know will surely do it does too, why can’t you? Keep on pushing!
p.s. you might want to listen to track 11 off 2Face’s new album ‘Away&Beyond’ titled ‘Keep on pushing’. God bless your Hustle this week and forever.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Gomorrah
This piece is inspired by the way of living of residents of the Shitta Housing Project, somewhere in Surulere. It is a creative approach to portraying their ways of life without passing judgement. There is no direct reference to any one individual personality and it is a reflection from the point of view of a cannabis user who visits there on a regular. why i felt the need to write this, i don't know. But someone needs to tell their story.
So much buzz around that I’m starting to think I’m in a bee hive.
Everybody is moving around with no destination in mind.
So much fuss about stuff like it’s the real deal
But it’s nothing but another episode in the ‘series’ called same old shit
Rumors spread within the community like some STD
And the chances of catching the virus becomes likely if you’re into the numbers (baba ijebu)
When it’s done, you’re going to need a healthy dose of whatever you get your release off.
Look around and see the right acts on the wrong scene.
This is a city that takes no prisoners except for those that get hooked on you know what.
We’re all keeping appearances, acting like we’ve got something good going.
The sons are peddlers, urchins or opportunists. The daughters sleep during the day and work at night.
They all switch roles with their parents by the time they turn 18.
Small clusters of people toasting to a fellowship that has yielded nothing but ‘hang over’
And with the multitude around, you won’t believe you are by yourself until shit hits the fence.
You’re yearning for acceptance from those around you who are looking at you with alarm on their faces.
They want out of what you’re trying to get into hence the expression on their faces
You have what they crave but soon it would be had
Presence is hardly missed like a good student, save for that of the dealer.
Whilst you are making yourself indispensable, your replacement is being groomed around the corner.
Before you know it, you’re lost like a dog on a green trail waiting for the hunter’s whistling which would never come.
A Sunday day turns grey in the long run and leaves you wondering why it always rains in your space.
Substance abuse puts you on the path of depression.
You are running away from your problems but the escape route is laid with quick sand
An induction of another destitute-to-be makes the survival statistics harsh
Outside seems too dull, the deafening noise of your surrounding clouds your awareness leaving your judgment impaired.
If chance is not doing you any favors you’re free to check out but would you?
Welcome to GOMORRAH; enjoy your stay for a while till the heat gets amplified if you don’t know when to check out of this mean hell’s kitchen.
So much buzz around that I’m starting to think I’m in a bee hive.
Everybody is moving around with no destination in mind.
So much fuss about stuff like it’s the real deal
But it’s nothing but another episode in the ‘series’ called same old shit
Rumors spread within the community like some STD
And the chances of catching the virus becomes likely if you’re into the numbers (baba ijebu)
When it’s done, you’re going to need a healthy dose of whatever you get your release off.
Look around and see the right acts on the wrong scene.
This is a city that takes no prisoners except for those that get hooked on you know what.
We’re all keeping appearances, acting like we’ve got something good going.
The sons are peddlers, urchins or opportunists. The daughters sleep during the day and work at night.
They all switch roles with their parents by the time they turn 18.
Small clusters of people toasting to a fellowship that has yielded nothing but ‘hang over’
And with the multitude around, you won’t believe you are by yourself until shit hits the fence.
You’re yearning for acceptance from those around you who are looking at you with alarm on their faces.
They want out of what you’re trying to get into hence the expression on their faces
You have what they crave but soon it would be had
Presence is hardly missed like a good student, save for that of the dealer.
Whilst you are making yourself indispensable, your replacement is being groomed around the corner.
Before you know it, you’re lost like a dog on a green trail waiting for the hunter’s whistling which would never come.
A Sunday day turns grey in the long run and leaves you wondering why it always rains in your space.
Substance abuse puts you on the path of depression.
You are running away from your problems but the escape route is laid with quick sand
An induction of another destitute-to-be makes the survival statistics harsh
Outside seems too dull, the deafening noise of your surrounding clouds your awareness leaving your judgment impaired.
If chance is not doing you any favors you’re free to check out but would you?
Welcome to GOMORRAH; enjoy your stay for a while till the heat gets amplified if you don’t know when to check out of this mean hell’s kitchen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)